Incentive
by LovelyFarron
Summary: The galaxy has been saved, the Reapers destroyed. But what about Shepard? After so much devastation and destruction, is the galaxy losing one of its last wonders? Not if Garrus has anything to say about it, and of course, not if Shepard can prevent it.
1. Chapter 1

Game: Mass Effect

Pairing: Garrus/Fem!Shep

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: T

A/N: This is my fanfic that will continue where ME 3 left off, with the destroy option having been chosen. Shepard will have the background of Ruthless Spacer, following the Paragon path (most of the time). Also, I will refrain from mentioning her name or describing her in great detail so everyone can imagine their personal Fem!Sheps.

I'm hoping to do something a bit different than what I've seen with post ME3 fanfics so far.

Incentive

/1

Everything hurt. Every. Single. Damn. Thing.

Commander Shepard hadn't known what pain really was until that moment, hadn't experienced the anguish of what it felt like to have ribs broken, bones shattered, and limbs dislocated all at the same time. Sure, she'd had her fair share of scrapes and injuries in her short but distinguished career, but never so severe and in such raging intensity; it was enough to drive her mad.

It was a miracle that she was conscious, that the nerve gates in her spinal cord hadn't shorted out, her central nervous system unable to take any further torture. She probably had Cerberus to thank for that, this ability to take pain well beyond the normal human threshold.

Getting spaced had been more peaceful than this, despite the initial onset of anxiety that had stricken her as she had struggled futilely in the dark vacuum, and she vaguely wished that she was out there in the black abyss rather than buried under only Spirits knew what. Yes, that quiet tomb would be welcome now, as every fiber that composed her being screamed in protest as she struggled to survive. It hurt to move. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to _think_. Hell, it hurt to just _be._

Her bloodied and bruised body attempted to take in another breath, finding the simple act excruciating. She coughed, or rather, tried to, and nearly choked on the dust that floated into her gasping, open mouth. For a moment it seemed as if she wasn't going to be able to take in the air she so desperately needed and her eye—the one that was not swollen shut—widened in panic, her heart racing inside her chest as fear threatened to take over and run down what little reserve energy she had left.

Her thoughts were scattered, everywhere and nowhere as she tried to take stock of the situation, of what she had done, of the consequences of the decision she had just made. How long ago had that been anyway? She couldn't tell. And what had been her choice? She couldn't remember. All she knew was that she _hurt._

Salty tears stung her eyes as her broken frame struggled to pull in enough oxygen to fill her lungs. She had to live. That much she knew, that much she could remember.

But why?

Another shaky breath was taken, the pain that came with it reminding her that she was still amongst the living, still fighting, still flesh and blood and not some ethereal ghost. Gradually, with the acute awareness that came with adrenaline rushes—although how she had any epinephrine left within her body after the hell she'd been put through was beyond her—she became more aware of her surroundings, her basic survival instinct kicking in and combining with her N7 training. She couldn't die yet, not even if she really wanted to—and truth be told, part of her just wanted to breathe her last and be done with life once and for all because, dammit, she'd earned some rest—but something was keeping her there, pinned to the physical realm. Something was keeping her spirit from leaving her body and sailing to the Great Beyond, to that bar in heaven where she'd promised to meet—

She gasped suddenly, her good eye widening as realization dawned on her.

"…_maybe even find out what a human-turian baby looks like."_

Electric blue eyes that pierced her armor.

"…_if this thing goes sideways and we both end up there, meet me at the bar..."_

Two toned voice that sent shivers up her spine.

"…_come back alive. It'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you."_

Hard exterior that did little to mask the soft heart.

"_Shepard, I…love you too."_

Words that soothed, wrapped her in a cocoon of warmth.

"Ga..."

His name would not leave her cracked lips and dry throat, the movement reopening small cuts that had not fully healed causing a coppery tasting liquid to tickle down and inside her mouth.

_Garrus._

Turian.

Soldier.

Comrade.

Friend.

_Lover._

That was why she had to survive, had to pull herself out of the destruction and chaos. She had to find him, make sure he was safe and sound, make sure that the _Normandy _had escaped unscathed, that Joker, Kaidan, Liara, Tali, Wrex, James, Cortez, Javik, EDI, and the rest of her friends were still alive. She had to find her mother and father, had to make sure they would not suffer through her loss again, had to make sure they were still kicking and would live to fight another day.

"Gh-!"

She winced as a fresh wave of agony washed over her as she tried to sit up. Her right arm was useless, mangled under the wreckage of the Citadel, and the left didn't appear to be much better off, perhaps the only difference between them being that she still felt as if her left arm was attached to her body. Straining her neck, she looked down at her abdomen and torso and was pleased to see that only a few chunks of concrete were between her and freedom.

"Hng-!"

She attempted to bring herself into an upright position again, struggling with all the might that was left inside her battered form. She had no idea how long she'd been trapped there or even if anyone was bothering to look for her, but she knew that if she didn't try to get out, that if she just laid around and waited for a rescue crew, she might become naught but a corpse.

The cold tendrils of death brushed against the back of her mind, an odd metallic smell filling her nostrils as the memory of her time spent somewhere between life and death came back to haunt her. She couldn't remember much about that time, but her body retained some sort of physical memory, bringing up tastes, smells, and feels that she had no doubt experienced as her body had expired on her. It was its way of telling her to move it—it didn't want to go through that traumatic experience again!

"AGH!"

A full-fledged scream tore itself from her throat as she doubled her efforts, refusing to give up now that she had won. What was the point in dying now? She had done the impossible; she had fought tooth and nail to the end and dammit she had earned the right to live! Hadn't she suffered enough? Hadn't she lost enough time, enough friends?

"AHHHH!"

With one last burst of energy and a show of inhuman strength, she freed her left arm from its entrapment and forced her stomach muscles to pull her up a bit. This was it. She had to do this now, how to beat this here. She was her own worst enemy now, her mind strong but her body weak. She had to force it, had to drag herself up, had to…had to…

_NO!_

All too soon, the drive that she had been using to motivate herself vanished, sapping her completely and leaving a cold numbness in its wake.

_No, no, no, no, no, no!_

This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be happening! She was Commander Shepard and she was NOT dying HERE!

Her vision slowly began to dim, her mind swimming with protests as her body cruelly began to shut down, the whispers from the other side tickling her ears. Terror ran through her; she didn't want to go back! Not when she had remembered why she couldn't, why she wanted to live, why she had fought so damn hard for so damn long!

Something moved just out of her field of vision, her head lolling over to the side as her vigor drained completely. This was it, this was…

…

….

…..

…

…

….

Shephard's eye opened abruptly as something pierced her side.


	2. Chapter 2

/2

Garrus Vakarian was quickly becoming an expert on all things relating to the _Normandy_. The main battery could only be calibrated so many times before it couldn't possibly be calibrated anymore after all, and he had to keep himself busy. It was the only way he could cope, the only way he could stay sane. Trapped on an alien planet, stranded only spirits knew where, communications knocked out, no way of knowing what was going on in the galaxy or if there was even a galaxy for them to go back to…It was maddening.

Liara watched quietly as Garrus muttered to himself, shaking his head in frustration as his hand busily flicked through the files on the datapad he held.

"I suppose we could…but, no…that would take too much power from the inertial dampers…"

Since the crew of the _Normandy_ had been forced to, as Joker put it, take a "forced vacation" on a tropical alien world, Garrus had really come into his own, the leadership skills that the previous Shadow Broker had observed in him blossoming in their time of need. No one had questioned his authority, needing someone to step up and lead in the absence of their beloved commander. Liara had been the one that had suggested it actually, knowing full well that what her predecessor had recorded about him was absolutely correct.

The turian had joined Liara in her quarters an hour earlier, after Tali had friendly reminded him that even though they needed everyone working around the clock to get the_ Normandy_ space worthy again, she still had a shotgun and wasn't afraid to use it if he didn't stop acting like a stubborn _bosh'tet_. Of course she would never really hurt him, but no one would have blamed her if she had clocked him on the top of his hard skull. Garrus could get quite annoying when he hovered, as they had all discovered; he asked questions like "How much longer will repairs take?", "Can you make them go any faster?", and "Why can't you make them go faster?" It was a miracle that Javik hadn't strangled him yet, though Liara suspected that the ancient alien wanted to.

In truth, they were all worried about Garrus, Javik the-ever-practical-Prothean not included. Liara had seen the grief on Garrus's face, the anger in his voice when Shepard had told them to get out of there. The asari had had to use all her strength to keep him from bolting down the ramp and back towards the fight, and then again to keep him from running to the cockpit to commandeer the ship.

As he had struggled to break free of her grip, she had heard him muttering, "Not again" and "There's no Vakarian without Shepard," over and over to himself, the asari realizing after the tenth repetition of the phrases that Garrus _had_ lost her once before.

Almost as if struck by lightning, Liara had stopped in her tracks, letting Garrus go at last. He _had _suffered through Shepard's death before. They all had. How could she have forgotten? She had been the one to save her cold, lifeless body and deliver it to Cerberus, had been the one that had had the privilege of putting her friend's memory to rest, something that the rest of them had not gotten to do back then.

So how had she forgotten?

She had supposed that it was something easily put in the past, a memory that was rather not remembered, especially because she had just spent the past several months in Shepard's presence. Being around someone who was undead, that had entered the void and come back…to see them _alive_, living, breathing, laughing, fighting…it was easy to forget the pain, the loss, the haunting emptiness that had been left in the corner of her heart where her friend had once been.

Shepard's death had been the reason that Garrus had gone to Omega not so long ago, to drown his sorrows and absolve himself of what he perceived as his sin to not be there for her. So how then now could he leave her behind? Run away from the fight?

When Liara had had the presence of mind to come back to the present, she could hear shouts coming from all around her as Garrus had limped across the cargo bay floor to the elevator. Cortez and James had been trying to get him to calm down, staying just outside of his range of reach, not sure whether they should touch the injured turian or not.

"Hey, Scars, chill man," James had been saying as Liara had trotted over to the three. "I know you don't want to leave Lola behind, hell I didn't want to either, but…" He had sighed, a sharp, quick intake of air as the wound he had sustained during the final assault refused to let him take a deep breath. "…she gave us an order. She gave _you _an order. And we gotta follow that, no matter how much we hate it."

"No," Garrus had responded angrily, bitterness and desperation tainting his flanging voice. "_No_."

"Garrus," Cortez had said, joining in. "Please, calm down. You're going to—"

"I don't care!" Garrus had barked loudly, whirling on the Alliance pilot. "You've only known Shepard a short time! A few months! I've had _years_!" His intense blue eyes had been burning brightly, his aggression against the Reapers becoming misplaced and turned upon his comrades. "I've been with her since the _start_ of this whole damned mess! But no one—no one!—would listen to her! I stood by her then and I'll sure as hell stand by her now. I'm not leaving her again! I've lost her once and I'll be damned if I—"

"ENOUGH!"

The four had all jumped, startled as Kaidan Alenko's unique voice had cut through Garrus's rant with ferocity. Almost in unison, the two humans, turian, and asari had turned to face the newcomer as he had walked slowly to them, a stain of dry blood that dribbled from his nose to his top lip still present on his face.

"That's enough…" Kaidan's voice had quieted to its normal volume as he drew nearer to the mixed group, his blue eyes hard, face tense with emotions that Liara hadn't been able to describe.

"…Garrus…" the injured biotic had said slowly after he had finally reached them, as if every word leaving his mouth was causing him physical agony. "…I understand what you're feeling, I really do…" He had swallowed hard, his eyes flicking up to meet the turian's. "I…I was in your place once. She told me to leave her, to go. And I did. And she died…"

He had paused there, mouth drawn in a tight line as he had struggled to get out what he needed to say. He had looked down at his feet, hands balling into fists.

"Garrus…I hated myself, for leaving her. For abandoning her. I understand why she wanted me to leave. She saved my life. But that didn't stop me from feeling guilt." He sucked in a breath, returning his gaze to Garrus's. The turian had been surprisingly silent, his own feelings, sympathy, and respect for Kaidan keeping him from speaking.

There had been silence again Kaidan considered his words, only to chuckle and shake his head in dismay after a few minutes had passed.

"Damn, I don't know what to say. Nothing will make it better. Trust me, I know. I lost her back then, and when I saw her…But no, that doesn't matter. What matters is that you just have to believe that she knows what she's doing. That she's coming back." His voice, previously thick with sorrow, had become stronger as he had continued. "Just…trust her. I know that you do. Remember that. Hold to it. Believe. It's hard, but you've got to. I didn't and I…I regret it."

"Kaidan…" Garrus had said, at a loss for words.

Even Liara hadn't known what to say. Kaidan was a very private man, opening up to a select few, and for him to be so honest and frank with so many present…it touched her.

The two men, both so different yet so alike, had looked at each a moment longer before James had finally broken the moment.

"Hate to cut short this touching scene between you two ladies, but Scars is paintin' the floor a wonderful blue color…"

Liara had then grabbed hold of Garrus once again and quickly escorted him to the med bay where Dr. Chakwas was already waiting. Liara had stayed with him, even after he had been knocked unconscious so the good doctor could examine him further, only leaving when Joker's warning of, "It's going to be a bumpy ride!" had issued throughout the ship.

Garrus had recovered quickly, partly due to his own resilient nature, partly due to Chakwas's expert treatment, and had been awake just minutes after they had crash landed. He had been silent, poking his head out to survey their situation after Joker had hobbled down the ramp to see where he had marooned the group.

His injuries no longer life-threatening, Garrus had quickly organized a meeting where Liara had quickly nominated as the acting commanding officer so there would be no trouble in establishing a chain of command. The only problem now was that he seemed intent on working himself to death.

"Dammit, this isn't going to work!" Garrus said angrily, slamming the datapad down onto the desk in front of Liara's wall of vid screens. "EDI! I need—" He stopped short, remembering that when what Liara had theorized was the Crucible's energy being released had hit the ship, the AI that had become a friend to them all had shut down without warning, leaving Joker alone to pilot the _Normandy_ to safety.

"Garrus…"

He chuckled, shaking his head before setting down the datapad. "It's funny. We don't appreciate what we have till it's gone." His mandibles flared as he bowed his head, anguish in his voice.

Liara's face adopted an expression of sympathy, knowing full well that his words had a double meaning to them. Not only did he miss EDI's assistance, but Shepard's as well. She knew how close they had been, even before they had become intimate. He would look to her for guidance and now he could not do that.

_Perhaps I should have suggested that he split commanding officer duties with someone…_

Liara feared for Garrus's health mentally and physically. He was doing a great job at getting up a strong front for the crew, but everyone was walking on eggshells around him, afraid to mention Shepard's name. They knew that he would not react violently should she come up, but they wanted to avoid causing him more heartache than he already felt.

He had refused to let them place Shepard's plaque on the memorial wall with the rest of the deceased, instead holding it for hours without moving. What he had done with it after he had given up his watchful vigor of the wall, nobody knew.

"Garrus…" Liara spoke his name again gently yet with a commanding tone. She walked over to him as he sighed and touched him on the arm. "You should really get some rest. We are almost finished with repairs. Communications do not have to be operational in order for us to fly and I'm certain that Tali will be able to have the Drive Core up and running soon."

"Hmmm…" Garrus hummed, considering his options. "I think I'll go check on Tali, see how she's doing. Talk to you later Liara."

Liara sighed and shook her head as she let him go, Glyph offering the calibrator a cheerful goodbye as the door closed behind him.

It looked like Tali was going to be giving her shotgun a workout after all.

A/N: Yay! Second chapter! I hope there aren't too many typos; it's rather late for me.

I'm really pleased with how the Kaidan and Garrus conversation went. I know that probably not everyone romanced him in ME 1, but I did. I don't dislike Kaidan at all and he's a great character; I love how they allowed the Garrus/Shepard/Kaidan drama to play out and I feel like Kaidan would be able to help Garrus through this dark time since he had already gone through something like it.

I have the next few chapters planned out in my head and I think I'll alternate between the _Normandy_ crew and Shepard, which means that more of Shep is coming up next! Thanks for faving/reviewing/following/reading!


	3. Chapter 3

/3

To say that the Citadel had seen better days was an understatement. The colossal space station was a wreck: some of the arms had separated while others hung on by what seemed to be a thread, entire buildings had been demolished, walkways completely upturned, windows shattered, metal railings warped beyond recognition, countless bodies crushed…It was impossible to go anywhere without discovering some new horror.

Admiral Steven Hackett sighed and shook his head, pausing midstride to once again stop and survey the damage. It was terrible, horrible; a tragedy of epic proportions. What had happened to the Citadel was only a small representation of what had happened throughout the rest of the galaxy on a grander scale.

_So much death, so much destruction…_

Serving as long in the Alliance as he had he was no stranger to loss, but the amount of lives lost was staggering even for him. Thirteen million people had called the Citadel home and now most of them were dead.

"Hey! We found some more over here!"

The Admiral looked up in time to see three men from the rescue unit he'd accompanied dash in the direction of a fourth who was waving towards the smashed stairwell that led to the apartments located next to the Markets.

"How many?" asked the leader of the group as he jogged over.

The fourth man looked over his shoulder and repeated the question back to his team, who was with the survivors.

"Five!" he shouted back after a moment. "Two asari, a male turian, a male drell, and a female human. The turian and drell are pretty beat up; possible broken bones and what appear to be bullet wounds. Recommend immediate medical attention."

"Copy that," the leader said before speaking into his comm. "This is Alpha leader, reporting five survivors in the Upper Markets apartments. Two wounded, a turian and a drell, need med evac ASAP."

The responder directing rescue calls clicked in over the comm a few seconds later, answering with an affirmative that the needed materials and extra manpower were on their way.

"Thank God," Hackett heard one of the rescue men say. "I was beginning to think we wouldn't find anyone…"

There were a few that had thought it foolish for Hackett to set up a search and rescue team—how many could have possibly survived?—but it was moments like this that assured him that he had made the right call. He hadn't been able to use as many resources as he would have liked to for such a mission, but the repairs to the ships, the Mass Relays, and the wounded soldiers had to come first.

Earth, being in the state that it was, wouldn't be able to support the vast fleet that had come to its aid for very long nor could it produce the food that a turian or quarian needed. The vessels housing the aliens would be able to sustain them but only for as long as their supplies lasted, and from what the Admiral understood they had at least a month. The krogans would perhaps be the hardest to deal with when their foodstuffs ran out, being as ravenous as they were. Therefore, it was imperative that they get the Mass Relays back in working as soon as possible, so the various species that were now marooned in the Sol System could get back to their homeworlds.

There were debates being held about what to do with the dead geth ships, all of them having gone offline the minute the red wave had hit them. Some suggested that they should be stripped for parts while others—mainly the quarians much to many people's surprise—were saying that it was best to leave them alone until they could be given a proper ceremony in honor of their sacrifice.

Admiral Hackett started walking again, knowing that soon the area would be buzzing with more men and that it would be best if he was out of the way so they could do their job. Small pockets of survivors had been discovered in the Wards, Presidium, docking bay, and other numerous locations on the station. The Huerta Memorial hospital had been left relatively untouched and was being used as an emergency clinic for those that could not wait for transport to one of the ships.

He couldn't be there for very long, being the closest thing the humans had to any sort of leader at the moment, but he had wanted to get a look for himself at what had been sacrificed to end the war and pay his respects to the innocents that had lost their lives. That, and he had been hoping to find a sign of Admiral Anderson or Commander Shepard. Unfortunately, he had found none. He hadn't really been expecting to, but it was a disappointment nonetheless.

Sighing, the aging man rubbed his eyes tiredly. What had happened to them?

Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard, Commander Shepard's mother and a good friend of his, had requested an update about her daughter's whereabouts as soon as the fleet had returned to Earth after the Crucible had fired. He had been unable to tell her much other than the fact that he'd been the last to speak to her and that he was certain that she had been stuck on the Citadel when the Crucible had activated.

His eyes narrowed slightly, a pained expression washing over his normally stoic face. He could still recall the look of shock and heartache that had swept across Hannah Shepard's face before being replaced with cool professionalism. She, like him, knew what war was like and had seen many a good man die. But her daughter? _Again?_ To lose her child a second time…he couldn't even begin to imagine the hell she must be in.

Everyone in the galaxy owed their lives to Hannah Shepard's brave, unstoppable daughter. Admiral Hackett had kept up with the Commander's career and even he had to admit that she was unlike any soldier he had come across before; she was like a force of nature—surviving a Prothean beacon, coming back from the dead, surviving a mission that should have ended her life and that of her crew's only for her to come back with every single person still alive…She was incredible. To think that she might have finally, truly died, used the last of her life to defeat those whom she had fought against for years even when no one else had believed…It wasn't something he liked to think about.

But if she was alive, why hadn't she made contact? Or Anderson? Surely they would have reported in by now. Or were they too badly wounded to? Just where had they been on the Citadel? What had Shepard done to make the Crucible fire? What had happened to the Reapers? Were they really dead? And what about the Mass Relays? The engineers and scientists working on the nearest one had some theories, but why had they been damaged in the first place?

He sighed and shook his head, irritated at his lack of answers.

There were too many things that didn't make sense.

Perhaps the strangest thing, however, was that he had seen not a single Keeper, not even a dead one. It was as if they had ceased to exist altogether and it was rather unnerving.

He paused again and looked around, this time searching for a sign of the little green workers. For some reason, their disappearance disturbed him more than it should have.

Where had they all gone?

/

Kasumi Goto moved through the uncharted tunnels of the Citadel quickly and silently, avoiding Keepers as they cleared away bodies and pools of blood that stained the floor, her pistol clutched firmly in her right hand. Despite the little worker's attempts at cleaning things up, the smell was still horrible and several times she had to stop and take a breather to keep herself from vomiting.

_I sure hope they discover these areas soon…or the Citadel is going to have an awful stench for decades._

During the battle for Earth, the thief had been safely stationed on one of the ships that had escorted the Crucible to Earth. It had been one of the few ships to not enter combat, housing civilians and scientists that had worked on the superweapon.

When she had seen the weapon fire, she had smiled to herself and waited for Shepard to contact her to set up a date for the drink she now owed her. For some reason, Kasumi had just known it had been the Commander that had activated the Crucible. Shepard was Shepard after all and she wouldn't let anyone end the Reapers but her.

But the call had never come and three days had passed, making the thief wonder if perhaps Shepard had met her end along with the Reapers. It didn't seem fair that she would come so far and then die before getting to see that all her sacrifices had not been in vain, and Kasumi had spent a restless night in which she had tossed and turned, more upset about the thought of the Commander being dead than she felt like she should have been.

What about Garrus? Before joining Shepard on the suicide mission Kasumi had researched her would-be-comrades extensively and knew just about everything there was to know about him. The poor turian had had one hell of a life; surely the galaxy wouldn't take away what seemed to be one of the few good things he had left? Surely life was not that cruel? Kasumi had liked to tease him as well as spy on the couple during her time on the _Normandy, _and to think that he might be going through what she had experienced after Keiji's death, going through what he had already suffered through when Shepard had died two years ago…It disturbed her.

For two days she had hemmed and hawed about what to do; should she look for Shep? She didn't feel much like pilfering people's pockets or seeing what she could find among the ruins on Earth; it just didn't seem right when so many had died. She had to do something, that much she had known. She was getting bored quickly and being bored was something that she didn't do well.

So, with nothing better to do, the thief had stolen aboard one of the rescue ships, determined to find out just what had happened to the crown jewel of the galaxy and why everyone was being so hush-hush about it. If there was one thing she disliked, it was secrets that she wasn't in on.

A particularly strong smell of urine and decay wafted by and she clamped her hand over her mouth as her eyes filled with water.

"Oh god, I think I'm going to be sick," she moaned. "Just why am I doing this again? Ugh."

She gritted her teeth and bent forward, putting her hands on her knees as she gave herself a mental pep talk.

_Because no one else knows about these passageways but you. Because if Shep is alive, chances are she's in the control hub and no one knows where that is but you, Kasumi. And why are you the only one that knows? Because you're a talented little trickster that knows a thing or two about finding things that supposedly don't exist._

Being a part of the Crucible project and being sent to find technology and other miscellaneous things to aid in its construction had had its perks. On her journeys she had discovered blueprints of the Citadel that everyone thought had been lost to time. She had tucked them away for later; perhaps as a bargaining chip to be used with the authorities should she ever find herself in _real_ trouble. Now she regretted not sharing them for she and she alone knew where to look for the Commander and was therefore bound by her conscience to go find her.

_Well, I suppose I could just leave her. But that wouldn't be right. She did stop the Reapers from wiping us all out. And she did help me put Keiji's memory to rest…Oh dammit Shepard! You're always getting me involved in things that I don't want to be involved in. First that suicide mission, next the Crucible—ok, so that wasn't a total bust, seeing as how those scientists didn't seem to mind leaving their personal belongings out in the open—but still…! You're buying _me _the drinks for making me wade through this mess to find you!_

The nausea gone, the thief continued her journey down the dark hallway which was eerily reminiscent of the Collector base.

_Now there should be an exit around here somewhere…Ah! There it is!_

Kasumi smiled as the wall in front of her slid open, exposing a blue lit chasm. Moving quickly, she made her way across the bridge and up the hill, wondering if perhaps Shepard had gone that exact same route.

_You better be alive Shep because you owe me big time for this._

Slowing down as she neared the top, she checked to make sure she was still cloaked and tightened her hold on her pistol. She was nearing the platform and chances were that if someone was around, this would be where she would find them—dead or alive.

Taking a steadying breath, she crested the top, her eyes widening at what she saw.

"By the gods, Keiji…" she gasped. "What has Shep gotten herself into now?"

A/N: Kind of a boring chapter, but a chapter that had to be written to explain what has been going on nonetheless. Next we'll be back with Garrus and co., and there will be some Shakarian feels!

I am trying to include as many of the crew members as possible, hopefully offering believable scenarios for them to be in. I feel like if someone was going to find Shepard in the wreckage it would be Kasumi because she has this knack for knowing/finding things that other people don't/can't. That being said, Thane's son will be making an appearance as will Wrex, Miranda, Jacob, Jack, Samara, Grunt, Zaeed, and anyone else that I am missing from this list! They'll all be doing their own thing of course and depending on what they're doing, they won't be sticking around for too long but I would like to show some resolution with some of the game's major players.

I plan on writing a memorial of sorts for those that have passed (Mordin bby *gross sobbing*), but that's many chapters from now! Shepard hasn't even been rescued yet and the _Normandy _crew is still stranded!

Thank you for reading/reviewing/faving/following! I hope you continue to enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

/4

"Hmmm…"

Garrus frowned, his mandibles twitching as he reviewed the latest status report on the _Normandy's_ repairs. Things were progressing at a moderate pace, which was acceptable considering the situation they were in, but moderate wasn't good enough for him. He wanted to get off the damned planet and back to the Sol System. He wanted to find out what that red energy beam Joker had so desperately tried to outrun had been. He wanted to find out why EDI had suddenly stopped functioning. But most of all, he wanted to know what had become of _her_…

Sighing, Garrus tossed the datapad he had been perusing next to him on the bed and leaned forward, jaw locking as he tried to suppress the flurry of emotions he'd been keeping under lock and key. He couldn't allow himself to become emotionally comprised now, not when so much depended on him. He had to press on, had to keep those thoughts from his mind, the thoughts that made him want to cry out to the Spirits in agony as his very heart broke into a thousand pieces within his chest.

The whole situation was maddening really; he was trying to keep thoughts of her from his mind while clinging to the belief that she was indeed alive and waiting for him with her arms crossed and that amused look on her face that she got whenever he did something foolish. But how could he believe in someone he wasn't allowing himself to think about?

She was always there, in the corner of his mind. He could hear her voice echoing beside his own every time he spoke, knew instinctively the words she'd say to spur everyone on and keep morale up. It was like she had become a part of him. Unfortunately, her endless sea of patience was the only thing that seemed to have not rubbed off on him, and the turian was struggling to keep his cool. The crew was working as hard as they could round the clock with a minimum of complaints; he couldn't ask for anything more. So why did he?

His striking blue eyes glanced back at the datapad, debating on what to do next.

All of the minor damages to the Normandy had been fixed or repaired to the point where it was safe to fly again, with the Drive Core, communications system, and navigation being the remaining major obstacles. It was essential that they got at least the Drive Core working, with navigation being their second priority. Hopefully someone would notice that the oddball group had gone missing and send out a rescue party—if anyone was still alive—though Garrus doubted they would; if the Reapers had really been defeated, the galaxy had bigger problems to deal with than just a bunch of missing soldiers.

_If Shepard is alive, she'll find us. She'll holler and scream until she gets someone's attention or take a ship out herself, regulations and protocols be damned._

The thought came before he could stop it and he sucked in a sharp breath as something stabbed him the heart. His mandibles clenched tightly to his cheeks, his muscles tense as he tried to push back the emotions that had come up by just thinking of her name.

_Shepard…_

Garrus stood up abruptly, his hands clenching and unclenching in agitation. He couldn't stay still; had to keep moving, stay busy.

But what could he do?

His mandibles did a dance as he contemplated the options available to him. Tali had made it quite clear that he was not to interrupt her or interfere with the other engineers while they were working. As she had put it, calibrating the Drive Core was different than calibrating a giant gun and unless he wanted them to "explode the minute they went FTL", it would be best if he stayed away.

Comm Specialist Traynor was doing her best to fix communications and Garrus wasn't even about to pretend he understood how all that technical magic worked. Oh, he got the basics of quantum entanglement but that was it—just the basics. The Yeoman already had Liara helping her anyway, which wasn't a surprise considering how the asari couldn't preform her duties as Shadow Broker if she couldn't get ahold of her contacts.

Cortez had patched up the Kodiak as best as he could, using what materials the _Normandy_ hadn't required. The kinetic barriers were in working order; the ship itself had but a few scratches, the asari-deisnged Silaris heavy ship armor that Shepard had had installed before the suicide mission having taken the brunt of the damage. In short, there was nothing for him to do except put his trust in his comrades and wait…

Frowning, he crossed his arms over his chest.

He hated waiting.

No one had been in Shepard's cabin since before the battle for Earth; it was quite possible that her belongings had been thrown helter-skelter by the crash and would need cleaning up. Luckily, her fish tank had a self-feeder installed so chances were her aquatic companions were still alive, and if they weren't, well…

_I guess I could buy her some new ones. Maybe one of those 'dolphins' she is so fond of…_

With a start, Garrus realized that he had slipped back into thinking about her, assuming that she was alive and well and coming back.

_Shepard…_

Kaidan's words came back to him as memories of the Commander-Spectre flashed through his mind,

"_Just…trust her. I know that you do. Remember that. Hold to it. Believe."_

Sighing, Garrus shook his head.

_I suppose the guns could always use some calibrating…_

/

Kaidan frowned and wiped the sweat from his brow. The alien sun beat down upon him without mercy and the muscles in his arms and legs ached something fierce. He had volunteered to take a few out to further explore the planet they were stranded on, beyond the preliminary boundaries that they had established shortly after landing. With the nav system on the fritz, they had no idea of knowing where they were or what resources were available to them and with the Drive Core stubbornly refusing to be fixed, it was likely that they'd be there at least another week. Chakwas had examined some of the native fruit and deemed it safe for consumption by species based on levo-amino acids but that was the extent of their knowledge. The creatures that inhabited the planet seemed too timid to make an appearance, not that the _Normandy _crew minded much, but Kaidan had thought it wise to scope out and find any potential threats, something that Garrus had agreed with him on.

And so that was why the Major was leading an expedition out into the heart of the foreign jungle with the wise-cracking Lieutenant James Vega and the vengeful ancient Javik. So far the trip had been uneventful, unless one could count the banter between the Lieutenant and the Prothean, each exchange ending with Javik growing more and more exasperated. Vega had an interesting friendship with Javik—if one could call it friendship—and Kaidan was getting a front row seat to "How to Piss off a Prothean 101."

"Everyone doing alright back there?" Kaidan asked, turning his head slightly so he could hear his team report in. He half expected there to be the sound of gunfire or the cracking of bones as the ancient finally decided he'd had enough of Vega's antics.

"Survivin', Fred," James quipped, using the nickname he had recently decided on for the biotic.

"Nothing to report," Javik responded.

"Alright. Keep your eyes peeled and let me know if you see anything," Kaidan said. _And try not to kill each other, _he added silently.

"Right-o Comm—I mean—_Major_," James corrected quickly. "Damn. So used to Lola bein' in charge."

Kaidan's heart skipped a beat and he swallowed hard.

_Shepard._

He was worried about the Commander more than he let on. He had told Garrus to believe in her, to not give up hope like he himself had two years ago, but it was hard. Kaidan had doubted her once before and he was not about to do it again, but it was difficult to stay optimistic when looking at the whole picture. Shepard was an anomaly, the eighth wonder of the galaxy, but she was just one human. She was mortal, made of flesh and bone. She could be cut, shot, crushed, incinerated, _killed_.

He couldn't imagine losing her now that he had finally found her again and managed to bridge the gap between them. That had been largely thanks to her, as she had been open and honest with him, understanding his concerns and misgivings and not taking offense as he had spoken his mind. It was what he had loved about her then and now—her openness, her ability to listen, her drive.

Even though Shepard and he were no longer together didn't mean that he cared for her any less. She had been there for him after Ash's death, assured him that his life was worth something, that Ash's sacrifice had not been in vain. She had been able to soothe his doubts, love till his self-hate had died, and chase away the survivor's guilt that he had felt.

When she had died, the dam inside his mind had broken, the murky waters of uncertainty nearly drowning him. Everything she'd told him, assured him of…he had questioned it, wondered if he could have done things differently, if Ash could have been saved, if he could have saved Shepard as the _Normandy _had been torn to pieces…

The grief he had felt when she had died and he had survived, the anger that had bubbled up within him as her murderers had gone unpunished, the denial he had fought with as he had tried to accept that he would never see her again…it had nearly destroyed him. He did not want Garrus to suffer like he had, though he now knew that he most definitely had back then and more than likely was now.

Garrus wasn't the only one that was questioning the Commander's fate either. Kaidan knew that Tali and Liara, both of whom he had gotten to know during his time on both _Normandy _ships, were concerned and Joker most definitely was. The pilot hadn't been doing well since EDI had shut down and Kaidan knew that Joker was berating himself for leaving Shepard to her fate, much like he had years ago. Shepard would never blame him though, even if he blamed himself. He had followed her orders then and now, surviving back then and saving the life of those she cared about now.

Shepard had other friends too, some of which she had made during her time in Cerberus. Kaidan didn't know them personally or even professionally, but with Shepard's knack for making friends, they no doubt were worried about her and they were why he had to be strong and keep his chin up. For them. For Garrus. For himself. For _her_.

"If you do not stop with that wretched nickname I will use you as bait for whatever creatures live on this planet."

"Aw, come on now Buggy, you know you love me."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow, coming back to the present as the ruckus the two behind him were making caught his attention.

"'Love'?" Javik questioned, sounding rather put-off by the idea of having such a feeling. "I do not know what it feels like to be in 'love', but if it is anything like the disgust and aggravation I am feeling now, then I think I can live without it."

"Never been in love? Seriously, man?" James asked, sounding genuinely surprised. "You ain't been livin'!"

"No, I haven't," Javik said tersely. "I have been half-dead, half-alive for the past 50,000 years as I slept in stasis and before that I was more concerned about finding a Reaper at my back then finding a suitable mate."

"Yeah well that excuse won't fly anymore! Lola kicked the Reapers' collective asses. You know she did."

Javik made a humming noise with his throat. "Perhaps. This era did make it farther than mine did. I suspect that the red energy beam that caught us was fired from the Crucible, with the purpose of shutting down all synthetic life. That would also explain why the artificial intelligence aboard the _Normandy _ceased to function…Which is just as well because I do not trust machines, no matter what they say their intentions are. They are lying and deceitful, suitable to only being thrown out the airlock...Why are you looking at me like that?"

Curious, Kaidan turned around to see what Javik was talking about.

James's mouth was open, a surprised look written across his face as he looked at the four-eyed alien in amazement.

"Damn Buggy. I think that's the most you've ever said at once."

"I will not ask again…do not call me 'Buggy'."

James grinned. "Whatever you say…Buggy."

Kaidan shook his head as Javik swore under his breath, presumably something in the Prothean language since the translators could not translate it.

"What was that?" Vega asked, cupping his hand around his ear. "I didn't quite catch that."

Kaidan's mind tuned out the rest of the conversation as the two continued to squabble, his mind going back to Shepard as he made his way through the thick undergrowth.

_Only Shepard could bring together such a diverse crew. Humans, turian, quarian, salarian, asari, krogran, hell even a Prothean…only Shepard could pull something like this off._

Shepard was special, unique, unlike anyone he'd ever met before.

He had grown from his relationship with her and would be forever grateful that she had stopped and taken notice of him. Sure, he'd hit some rough spots with her, but that was what life was about. The good times, the bad times, the thrill, the heartache…they were all a part of an experience that he would never forget. He had been lucky enough to been born in the same era as her, lucky enough to have gotten the chance to be with such a remarkable woman. And while their paths may have diverged, she would forever be in his heart.

A smile had started to creep across his face when Vega suddenly spoke up.

"Whoa! Hey! Fred! Check this out!"

Kaidan spun in the direction James was pointing, bringing up his gun. When he saw what it was that James had found, he smiled.

"Looks like it's our lucky day."

/

"Garrus. How fortunate. I was just on my way to see you."

Garrus looked up to see Dr. Chakwas walking towards him. There was a smile on her face that did not quite reach her eyes, a sort of severity in her posture that made him cringe inwardly. She did not look happy, her face tight with what he could only describe as professional anger.

He swallowed hard, suddenly afraid for his life. What was it Shepard had told him about pissing off the good Doctor?

Oh, right.

_Don't._

"Dr. Chakwas," Garrus greeted her cordially. "How are you?"

"Quite well, thank you," she said sharply, eyeing him critically.

"Uh…" Garrus suddenly felt self-conscious and turned around to set the drink and plate full of dextro-amino foodstuffs down. He had taken a break after an hour of trying to calibrate the guns, finding that once they reached optimum calibration they could not be calibrated further no matter how hard he tried. He was sure Legion was in geth heaven—if such a thing existed—laughing at him—if it was possible for a geth to feel humor. "Is there something I can do for you, doctor?"

"Yes, you can finish eating and then come see me in the med bay."

Garrus blinked. "What for?"

Chakwas crossed her arms over her chest.

"You know very well why. I told you to come see me so I could check on your wounds. That was a week ago."

"Oh, well…" Garrus's mandibles fluttered. "I'm fine. Really."

"True as that may be," Chakwas said raising an eyebrow. "I'd just like to check and make sure. Can't have you dying on me now. Shepard would never forgive me." The last part was meant to lighten the mood but it only served to depress the turian.

Garrus snorted lightly. "No, I think she'd kill me first. After she got Miranda to bring me back of course."

Chakwas laughed, a sad smile on her face. "Yes, yes she would. But still…"—and here her face softened—"…it would put my mind at rest to know that everything has healed properly. Those were quite the burns you had. I know that Shepard finds your scars attractive, but I'm sure she still wants something resembling a turian left on you."

Garrus nodded his head, wondering how she knew about the scar kink but deciding to not ask about what exactly Shepard had shared with her. "Point taken. I'll see you in a bit doctor."

"Thank you, Garrus," Chakwas said, satisfied. She turned to leave before she paused and looked back at him. "Oh, and please start eating more. I understand that we have a limited amount of dextro food, but Tali is beginning to feel like you're trying to fatten her up."

A/N: Freddie Prinze Jr. is the voice of James Vega and also happens to be the actor that plays Fred in the live action Scooby Doo movies. I rather like him so I thought I'd give him tribute by having James call Kaidan "Fred."

I love Javik the trollthean so much. xD


	5. Chapter 5

/5

She was in that place again, that place she went to every time she closed her eyes. It had become the reason she feared to sleep, the world of the nightmare becoming so vivid and intense that she had begun to question what was real and what was not. Many a time she had found herself looking off into the blackness of space, wondering if her reality was truth or a lie. Had she died already and gone to the afterlife? Was the real dream the one in which she fought against the Reapers? Had she been killed as she had tried to escape from Earth and her soul was now trying to cope by imagining what would have happened had she lived on? Was everything she had fought for real at all or just some twisted dream?

"_You know it's the right choice LT…"_

Shepard's eyes flew open at the familiar voice, her mouth opening to call out to the first of her many sins in the damned Reaper war. All other thoughts and questions flew from her mind as the guilt from a decision made years ago, a decision that she had known was the right one to make yet had still been difficult, made her feel as if a heavy burden was on her chest. It was crushing, a terrible thing to bear and yet something she had been able to live with for nearly three years.

_Ash._

She tried to speak but found that she could not. Instead, she found herself choking and struggling to breathe as a foreign substance entered her lungs. Gagging, she rolled over onto her stomach and pushed herself up, spit flying as she coughed and tried to pull in enough oxygen to keep herself from blacking out. The air smelled of burning flesh and made her nauseas, which was not helping her situation.

"…_I understand Commander. I don't regret a thing."_

The voice was closer now, almost upon her. The shadowy figures were no doubt surrounding her, edging closer and closer every second. They were representatives of all the lives lost, of all the innocent people that had suffered because she wasn't strong enough. One person could only do so much before they broke and she had been at the breaking point for a very long time. She had only been able to keep going because of those that had stood by her side, because of Chakwas, Joker, Tali, Liara, Kaidan, and everyone else that had been there for her, especially _him_…

_Garrus._

Like a drowning person breaking the water's surface, Shepard sputtered once more before her lungs cleared up and filled with much-needed air. Gasping, she pulled in several deep breaths as she tried to calm her racing heart, the organ pumping so fast inside her chest that it hurt.

"That's it Commander, just _breathe_…"

Shepard suddenly became aware of a hand lightly touching her shoulder and someone kneeling beside her. Blinking back tears, she turned her head to see who it was. Her eyes traced up the armor-clad body, finally resting on the face of her comforter, shock running through her as her brain registered who it was she was with.

"Ash."

The former Gunnery Chief smiled and Shepard felt something inside of her twist painfully.

_I had to make a choice. Kaidan or Ash. I chose Kaidan._

She'd sent her soldiers to their deaths before, ruthlessly slaughtering the batarians that had killed them like a woman possessed. After that day she had sworn she would never leave a soldier behind again, that no more families would have to cry for a loved one because of her decisions. But she'd failed. And Ash had paid the price.

Her voice stuck in her throat, her mind unable to come up with anything to say. How do you apologize to someone you left behind to die? How do you make up for something like that?

_You don't._

Soldiers were trained to deal with loss; they were to mourn the dead, accept it, and move on. Shepard could do that, and she had, but after so many years and so much blood spilt on her orders…The ghosts had grown in strength and number. There was only so much a person could take after all, even a soldier. Only so far they could run until they ran out of road.

"Hey Commander, long time no see."

Letting out one final cough, Shepard heaved a sigh of relief and sat back, eyes closing in pain as the movement caused her agony. She was fully armored as she had been before being hit by the Reaper beam, but she could still feel the wounds she had sustained, the eerie tentacles of the Illusive Man's temporary control over her still tickling the corners of her mind. Ashley moved to sit next to her exhausted Commander and the two sat in silence for a while. The other ethereal noises that normally haunted her in this dead forest were for once quiet. In fact, the only sound was Shepard's heavy breathing.

Cautiously, she opened her eyes and glanced over at her fellow soldier, still not quite believing what she was seeing. It hurt to see Ash as she last remembered her. Nothing about her had changed or aged; everything was the same. But what else could she expect? Ashley Williams had died years ago on Virmire. Of course she hadn't aged or changed in any way. Dead people didn't do that. But since Ash was dead, did that mean that she was too?

"Am I dead?" Shepard blurted out all of a sudden, mentally smacking herself for her poor choice of words. She should have apologized, begged for forgiveness. Instead she had selfishly been concerned with herself.

Ash blinked once, surprise working its way across her face before she let out a laugh. "No, you're not Commander," she said, looking around. "This place is a lot more like hell then heaven, and you're definitely not going there."

"What makes you say that?" Shepard asked grimly. "After everything I've done, all the lives that have been lost because I wasn't—"

"Wasn't what? God?" Ash cut in fiercely, eyes flashing. "With all due respect Commander, shut up."

Shepard blinked, surprised at Ash's sudden insubordination. Rank probably didn't mean anything wherever the hell they were, but it was still a shock to her.

Ashley let out another laugh at the Commander's reaction. She seemed to be doing a lot of laughing now that she was a ghost. Or, whatever it was she was. An angel? A figment of Shepard's imagination? Regardless, there was a lightness to her that she hadn't had in life, a sort of peace that mortals could never obtain with their busy lives.

"Surprised, eh?" the brunette asked after a bit, her lips quirked up in a smile.

"A little," Shepard admitted.

"Well, forgive the insubordination, but your friend has an order for you…"

_Forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you…_

A chill crept down Shepard's spine at Ash's choice of words, her throat tightening as she continued.

"…get out of this alive."

…_come back alive._

Brow creasing, the Spectre looked at Ash, confused. Garrus had…but how did Ash…?

Ash chortled, throwing her head back. "Don't look so surprised! Of course I know! This is all inside your head after all." She made a sweeping gesture to indicate the depressing scenery. "This…forest, the ghosts, me, everything…it's you. The world of your guilt."

"What are you saying?" Shepard questioned, frowning. "That this is my fault?"

"I'm saying, Commander…that you need to cut yourself some slack."

"What do you mean?"

Sighing, Ash shook her head disappointedly, draping an arm over her bent knee. She looked out at the black figures edging around the small clearing the two sat in, her eyes distant and unseeing.

"Dammit Commander, you gotta move on. Can't you see that?"

Shepard leaned forward, shaking her head. "No."

Ashley looked over back to her commanding officer, the woman that had sent her to her death. Her hard eyes softened as she gazed at being who was broken both in body and spirit. "Shepard…you do realize that no matter what you did one of us was going to die."

"I know that."

"And you made a choice. The _right _choice. Kaidan was the superior officer. You _had _to go for him."

Shepard gritted her teeth and shook her head again. "It was a decision influenced by personal feelings. I wasn't partial in the matter. I shouldn't have made the call."

"What? And left us both to die? Commander. Come on. You know better than that."

"No, but still…I could have let someone else make the decision. Someone that wasn't…emotionally invested," Shepard paused, realizing how she must have sounded. "Not that I don't value your friendship Ash, because I do. Everyday I've regretted that I had to leave you behind. That I left you to—"

"I know," Ashley said, cutting her off again. "And I forgive you. Even though you have nothing to be sorry for."

Shepard's heart skipped a beat. "What?"

Ashley chuckled. "God, Shepard. Still need to have things spelled out for you, hm? I said…I forgive you. That's what you need to hear to move on, isn't it?" She titled her head, studying the commander, her eyebrows raised in curiosity.

Shepard's mouth worked for a few seconds before she was able to form words. "Well, yes," she said, nearly faltering in her speech. "But if you don't feel that way and really hate me, I can accept that too." It was too good to be true. Ash forgiving her? She knew that the beliefs Ash held were dear to her and that she did her best to follow them, but how could you forgive someone for leading you to your death? Certainly it would be alright for one to hate the one that had gotten them killed, right?

"Too bad Commander, I forgive you. Really, I do," Ashley said, smiling contentedly. "Everyone dies someday. For some it's sooner than others. You're not God, no matter what you think or what you can do. That's something you need to get through your head, Commander. People are always gonna die, be it under your command or not. You just have to save who you can and do the best you can. No one can expect anymore of you, not even you. And besides…" and here she smiled even wider, "…you gave me a chance to prove that Williams's don't run away and can hold their own until the very end. For that, I owe you. Thanks Shepard."

Silence fell over the two again, Shepard utterly floored by Ashley's words. It was a lot for her to digest; so much had been said in so few words. Forgiveness. Life. Moving on. Did she deserve any of it?

_Does anyone though?_

There were so many things she wanted to ask, so many things she wanted to know. But she couldn't bring herself to ask any of it, couldn't get by the selfish relief she felt in that moment.

After a few minutes, Shepard broke the silence, deciding that there was one thing that she had to know. "Is it anything like what you hoped there?"

Ashley smiled. "Even better."

Shepard returned the gesture, the wound in her heart starting to heal at long last. As long as Ash was happy, she could go on. Knowing that she wasn't suffering or had simply ceased to exist, that all her struggles, trials, tribulations, and sacrifices had added up to something good…she could give up the ghost.

Just as she thought those words, Ashley began to dissolve into black dust, tiny particles being swept up in the slight breeze and carried away. "Ash!" Shepard cried out in shock, lurching towards her friend in horror.

"What? Hn," Ash looked down at her arm, her mouth twisting in displeasure as she began to fade away back into nothing. "Well, looks like my time's up. Give Kaidan my regards. I'll be watching. And Commander?"

"Yeah?"

"Make sure you don't make Garrus wait to meet you at the bar. Live. And go there together when you're old and grey."

A/N: I hope I was able to keep Ashley in character! She's a very blunt person, and I wasn't able to keep going with her in the games to the point where she developed good relationships with the alien crew (I picked Kaidan on Virmire) but I feel like if she was watching everything that was going on, she would come to respect Tali, Wrex, and Garrus.

I also hope that I was able to keep Shep from becoming overly sappy/emotional. Shepard is a soldier so of course she's seen loss, but I think that after a war like that and all the stuff she's been through, chances are she's carrying around a lot of ghosts. Feedback is appreciated! Thanks again for reading! Next chap we are back with Garrus and co.!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Quick reminder—Tali and the stranded crew of the Normandy have no idea that the geth have shut down. Yes, EDI is not functioning but for all they know it is an isolated event. Thus, Tali will think about the geth as if they are still functioning.

/6

Tali hummed to herself as she worked, her mind not on the task before her but rather on her newly reclaimed homeworld of Rannoch. It was thanks to Shepard that she had a home to go back to at all, a home where geth and quarians could live together peacefully. She was forever in the Commander's debt; nothing she could ever do could make up for what Shepard had returned to her people. True, the quarians had helped take back Earth, but what about the peace that Shepard had brokered with the geth? Only the most optimistic of quarians had ever dreamed of such a possibility.

Of course the long war had not ended without some loss; many quarians had lost their lives in the final battles as had the geth. One geth in particular, however, stood out among his otherwise nameless brethren.

Legion.

Tali paused, her busy hands stilling as a wave of sadness washed over her. Despite initially being at odds with the mobile platform, he had proved to be an invaluable asset in the mission against the Collectors and then later on in the battle for Rannoch. She had never thought it possible that a machine could achieve individuality and yet it had, referring to itself as "I" rather than "we" right before uploading the upgrades that had caused it to cease functioning. It had even chosen to direct its last words to her rather than its beloved "Shepard Commander", thanking her for understanding and bidding her "Keelah se'lai".

The young admiral swallowed the lump in her throat and shook her head. What was it she felt—guilt?—at the geth's deactivation? A part of him lived on inside the other geth, but they were not him. He was dead, no more.

_Just listen to me. Referring to "it" as "him". Father would laugh at me._

Shaking her head at her foolishness, she began working on the drive core again.

A part of her wondered if it would be possible to reconstruct Legion. Shepard had been brought back from the dead; her soul had gone to wherever it was human souls went, hadn't it? How hard could it be then to bring back a machine's consciousness? If remnants of him were scattered throughout the geth's network and ingrained in each individual unit, wouldn't it be possible to simply take those pieces back and make him anew?

_But would Legion really want that? Being brought back? Surely he'd rather be alive then dead? Keelah…I sound ridiculous. Everything wants to be alive. But what if being dead means that he is truly alive?_

The quarian frowned inside her helmet, her head starting to pound with the onset of a migraine. It was when she started to think about such things—life and death, the seen and unseen realms—that she became confused. Was there life after the physical body stopped, be it organic or synthetic? Had Shepard been better off left in that void of the unknown? Could she even remember it? Would Legion?

She huffed and bit down on her lip, reminding herself that she had a job to do. Number, theorems, equations, algorithms, science…she needed things solid, things that could be easily understood. Nothing like the questions of mortality and conscience, things that were best left to the imagination and spiritual leaders.

"Lookin' good Tali," Donnelly said all of a sudden, cutting into her thoughts as he crouched down under the guardrail to get a look at her. He tapped something on his omnitool display and let out a whistle. "Almost done."

"Kenneth! Stop bothering her! She doesn't need your input every five seconds!" Gabby yelled at him irritably.

"Hey! Just tryin' to keep her spirits up!" Donnelly defended himself, his brow furrowing as he turned around to look at his partner.

"Yeah. Like she doesn't get enough of that already," Gabby snorted walking up to where her friend perched next to Tali's workspace. "For the past three weeks Garrus has—"Gabby abruptly stopped talking, the mention of the turian suddenly putting a damper on the lover's spat in the making.

A heaviness settled over the three engineers and Tali's hands fell idle again. The quiet blowing noise of the ship's air conditioning was all that could be heard as the humans and quarian contemplated their temporary leader's state of mind.

Despite Chakwas's order—disguised as a recommendation—to eat more, Garrus's appetite seemed to have vanished completely. No one had seen him eat in the weeks they'd spent downed on the strange planet, save the good doctor when she'd chanced upon him in the mess hall. His physical wounds had been healed but it seemed that mental ones still remained. No one could blame him or hold it against him; rather, they were all worried about him. He was obviously taking in some nutrition, otherwise he would have wasted away to nothing, but it was obvious that he had lost much of what little weight he had.

"At least Kaidan and his team discovered that downed turian ship," Donnelly said after a while, a bit of humor in his tone as he tried to lighten the mood. "If they hadn't, we would have been here at least a month and a half at minimum."

"Yeah," Gabby chimed in a bit too cheerfully. "I heard that you guys used to find ships like that all the time back in the day!" She shook her head and let out a sigh. "To think that those poor men were stranded out here, without a prayer of being rescued…"

"Well, better them then us, right?" Donnelly pointed out. "I mean, their sacrifice is granting us our freedom off this godforsaken planet!"

"Kenneth!" Gabby chided angrily.

"What? I'm just tryin' to point out the good in the bad!"

Tali smiled and shook her head as the two began to fight again. With the two engineers squabbling, she set her mind back on her work again. Despite the ruckus they were causing, it was nice to have something familiar going on in a time of uncertainty. They had been like that ever since she had known them and their presence was comforting.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to her as the bickering rose in volume and intensity. Normally Adams would tell them to shut it but she had yet to hear a peep out of him. Putting down her tools, she shimmied back up to the main deck of engineering.

"Um, have either of you seen Adams?" she asked.

/

Adams hung his head in defeat, sighing as he stood up and stretched his legs which had developed a cramp from squatting in the same position for so long. EDI lay still on the small bench space in the AI Core, the body she had commandeered having shut down nearly three weeks ago for apparently no reason. Despite numerous tests and Joker's pleading, she had remained silent.

It was the first time that Chief Engineer Gregory Adams had had a chance to look at her, having been busy with repairs up until that point. He stroked his chin thoughtfully as his eyes traced over her, brow furrowing in concentration. There was nothing wrong with the body or the AI Core itself; no wires fried, no physical damage, no sign of tampering, _nothing._ He doubted even Tali—had she not been busy attending to the ship's Drive Core—could find anything out of place.

"Well? Can you fix her?"

The aging chief shook his head slowly, knowing that it was not the response that Joker had wanted to hear. "I'm sorry Joker," he said as he turned to face the pilot. "There's nothing I can do for her."

"But…you…she…" Joker cried, biting back a sob. He pulled in a deep breath before closing his eyes, covering his face with a hand. No doubt he had been running the past few weeks on the hope that EDI could be fixed, and his hopes were now dashed. "What am I supposed to do without her?"

Adams hesitated. It was a question with double meanings, the first being "How am I supposed to get the _Normandy_ out of here in one piece without EDI's guidance?" and the second, "How can I live without her?"

_Dammit Jeff, I don't know_, Adams thought to himself morosely. _What am I supposed to say? She was a good AI?_

Adams, though initially wary of having an AI onboard, had become used to EDI's presence and come to enjoy it even. Still, he had been nowhere near as close to her as Joker had, the two having become a sort of strange couple. Luckily, the crew of the _Normandy _had already adjusted to having cross-species couples present (if EDI could be considered a species), and having an organic human and synthetic artificial intelligence pair was not too much more shocking than having a human and turian pair.

Adams grimaced as the thought of the Commander crossed his mind. He had been trying to avoid thinking about her for many reasons, but it seemed as if the closer they came to lifting off the planet the more he had started to think about the grand picture—were the Reapers gone? Had Shepard survived? Were they the last organics left in the galaxy? Had he done too little too late?

Chakwas had assured him that he was not a coward for not having joined Shepard in the assault on the Collector base. His concerns and doubts about the entire situation had been completely reasonable. But he still regretted not trusting her.

Having served aboard the first _Normandy_, Adams had come to know Joker and knew that he was no doubt angry with himself for having left the Commander to face her fate alone. Not unlike the time when the original _Normandy _had been destroyed, Shepard had given the crew orders to get out of there and to save themselves without a thought as to her own safety. She had died back then and odds were she was dead again…

The chief engineer put a comforting hand on the pilot's back. Losing EDI, leaving Shepard…this had to be hard on him.

"You keep going, just like you always have," Adams said after a bit. "You could fly before EDI came along and you damn sure can now." They were rough words, perhaps almost callous, but he felt like Joker needed to be reminded that he was still strong, that he could survive without EDI.

Joker sniffed and swallowed hard. "Yeah, I guess. Thanks." His voice came out bitter and stressed, very unlike the usual jocular tone he used. Casting one last longing look at EDI's still form, he began to hobble out of the AI Core, barely avoiding Liara as the doors opened.

"Pardon me, Joker," the asari apologized, her hands going to steady the man.

Joker grunted. "No harm done Liara. Now if you'll excuse me…"

"Of course," Liara said, stepping aside. Her eyes were soft as she watched him go, pity etched into her blue features. She knew perhaps better than anybody what it was like to lose someone important. But she, just like Joker, was strong.

She waited until Joker had gone and the doors had closed before stepping up beside Adams to observe the dead android. Her face became serious and grave, her hands folded behind her back as her eyes traveled over the technological marvel.

"We have communications back up and running," she said after a few minutes had gone by, breaking the silence.

Adams looked at her, a bit surprised. Traynor had originally announced that it would be impossible to repair the quantum entanglement based communications system. "Really?"

"Just ship to ship," Liara clarified.

"Ah." Still, it was better than having no communications at all. "Shouldn't you have told Joker that?" he added as an afterthought.

"Comm Specialist Traynor will be filling him in when arrives on the bridge," Liara said, finally turning her eyes on him. "How are the repairs to the Drive Core coming?"

"Very well, I'm pleased to say," Adams smiled, glad to be on to a more optimistic topic. "Tali sure knows her way around. Heck, I'm starting to think that she should be chief engineer instead of me."

Liara chuckled. "I'm sure you're just as gifted. But speaking of Tali…when you talk to her next, could you ask her to come see me?"

Adams nodded. "Sure thing. Anything in particular you want me to relay to her besides that?"

Liara thought for a moment before responding. "It's…about Garrus."

"I understand," Adams said. "No need to say anything else. I'll get the message to her."

"Thank you. Now if you'll excuse me…"

Liara turned to leave, only getting halfway to the door before Adams blurted out, "I can't fix her."

The young asari stopped in her tracks, moving her head slightly so she could better hear the Lieutenant. Adams cursed himself; what had possessed him to say that? How ridiculous had he sounded?

_I can't fix her._

What did Doctor T'Soni care? They had bigger problems to deal with than his inner guilt, the regrets he had that he hadn't been there for Shepard and the rest of the crew back then, that he wasn't being of much use to them now. He was being selfish and stupid; what had he lost in the damned war? He hadn't lost his mother and watched his people be slaughtered as Liara had. He hadn't lost his father like Tali. He hadn't lost someone close to him like Joker and Garrus had. He hadn't lost his _life _like Shepard, not only once but possibly twice. What reason did he have to feel like this?

When it became evident that he was not going to say anything else, Liara spoke.

"You did your best. That's all anyone can ask for. We're in this together. Shepard believed in you, and she only believes in the best."

For some reason, that made Adams feel better.

/

"You wanted to see me?"

Liara looked up from the datapad she'd been perusing in time to see Tali walk in. Avoiding Glyph as he spun around her, spouting greetings and updates, the quarian's head swiveled from side to side as she took in the room. It was much different from how it had originally appeared, back when it had been Miranda Lawson's office. Tali had only been in the room a few times and she was no doubt still getting used to the unfamiliar setup.

"Yes, I did," Liara said, setting the datapad down on her bed. "Thank you for coming so quickly."

"The Drive Core repairs are nearly finished. Donnelly and Gabby should be able to wrap things up. Besides…" Tali rolled her shoulders and let out a small moan. "I was getting sore."

Liara smiled warmly at her dear friend. She had come to view the young woman as a sister of sorts, just like she had with Shepard. The three of them had banded together during the early battles of the Reaper War all those years ago, forming an unusual family. In actuality, the same could be said of all the crew. The dynamics among the group were constantly changing as some came and went, as new relationships were forged and as old ones changed, but the heart was still there. Even the grumpy Prothean had been adopted, assuming the role of the unhappy and always complaining patriarch that reminisced about the "good ol' days".

There was, however, one question that concerned Liara, a question that she dared not speak out loud for fear that it would start a chain reaction of events that would undo them all: How long could it all last without the Commander that had started it all? Sure, the personal friendships would remain, but what about the feeling of unity that had brought them all together and had convinced them to give others outside their own race a chance? Could the bonds survive without the peacemaker that was Shepard?

Shoving the distressing thoughts aside, Liara brought her mind back to the present and the problem at hand. One of their family was not doing well. He was seen as mentor to some, brother to others, and loved by all.

"I'm sorry that we have to cut pleasantries short, but I am concerned about Garrus."

Tali nodded her head. "As am I." She stepped over to look at the wall of vidscreens all of which were filled with information. She had learned through word of mouth that Liara was the new Shadow Broker and while she had initially been shocked and a bit appalled (mainly because the Shadow Broker had such a stigma attached to his name) she had been pleased to learn that Liara was using her contacts to do some good in the galaxy. In fact, the amount of assistance she had leant to the construction of the Crucible had been invaluable.

Liara went to stand beside Tali, eyes flicking across the vidscreens. "It seems that we are somewhere in the Horsehead Nebula," she said. "At least, that's what I can tell from the information gathered so far."

"Can you tell how far away from a Relay?"

Liara shook her head. "No, but I am working on it."

"Does Garrus know?"

Again Liara shook her head. "I have been unable to contact him for the past half an hour."

Tali's eyes widened inside her helmet as alarm swept through her. "What? Should we alert the crew? Has he left the ship?"

"No…I know where he is."

"Oh…then…" Tali frowned, confused. "…where?"

"He's…" Liara hesitated before speaking. "…in Shepard's cabin."

"Oh."

The two stood together in silence, each reflecting on what that meant. No one had been in Shepard's cabin since before the battle of Earth. It was quite possible that Garrus had gone there to be alone and vent his feelings, which was good, but they were also concerned about him being alone for too long. They did not think he would do anything rash or foolish, but then again he had gone to Omega to vent his frustrations following Shepard's first death.

Garrus was a being largely ruled by emotion, which was frowned upon in his culture. It made him unique, special, a turian to be reckoned with, but was also his greatest flaw. Once he got an idea in his head, he carried through with it with a single-mindedness rivaled by none. He would never do anything to jeopardize the crew or those he cared about and could lock away his thoughts and feelings when the situation called for it, but keeping tight control over such emotions for too long was detrimental to his mental stability.

In truth, Liara didn't know if anyone could talk him out of things except for Shepard. And Shepard, of course, was not there. He was the highest ranking officer—with the exception of Kaidan's Spectre status—and therefore he had to be strong for the crew, unrelenting in the face of adversity. He thought that that meant that he had to take everyone's burdens as his own however, never showing a crack in his armor. Someone needed to save him from himself.

Liara sighed and closed her eyes, opening them again as she turned to face the quarian. "I was hoping you could go to him."

"Sure…I guess…" Tali scratched at her helmet, still confused.

"I know that the responsibility should be mine, but I was hoping that perhaps someone else would be better equipped to…reach him."

Liara had been trying to talk to Garrus over the course of the past several days, but ever since Kaidan, James, and Javik had come back with news of the downed turian ship he had been almost impossible to get ahold of. Granted, everyone had been working frantically to get repairs completed but Garrus had been busy to the point of nervous exhaustion. The asari had made repeated attempts on her breaks to speak to him but with no avail and thought that perhaps another friendly face might be able to succeed where she had failed.

Though Garrus wasn't really a "responsibility" and was a grown adult that could take care of himself, Liara still felt like she owed it to Shepard to watch over him. She had been the one Shepard had entrusted him to on that chaotic day, the one she had told to take him. He was her friend besides that and she was troubled by his abnormal behavior.

Everyone was acting in ways that were unusual for them, not just Garrus, but that was to be expected in the circumstances they were in. Only seeing each other, not knowing if the Reapers had won and if they were the last of their respective races, being stranded for weeks, working long hours…It was all beginning to add up and overwhelm each individual, even the resilient Kaidan.

"Of course," Tali said. "Not sure I can do much better than you, but…I'll try."

Liara let out a breath, smiling. "Thank you, Tali. I appreciate it."

"Hey. What are friends for?"

/

The fish, surprisingly, were still alive.

The dim glow from the large tank was the only thing lighting up the Commander's cabin, the noise of the filtration system the only sound to be heard. Garrus sat on Shepard's bed, her memorial plaque held firmly in his talons. His eyes were distant, mind cast adrift in a sea of better times. The memories were all there, jumbled together and playing out slowly in front of him; haunting, teasing, torturing.

"_You read my mind."_

"…_it's a good excuse to remind the ones you care about that…well…you care about them…"_

"…_every bullet we've ever dodged could have been 'The One'…"_

"_I want something to go right. Just once. Just…"_

"_And this time around they're just a little bigger…"_

"_I don't know what I'd do without you."_

The room still smelled of her, still had her personal touch despite several items having been thrown helter-skelter in the crash. He wasn't sure why he was there or how he had even ended up in there, but he had found himself checking the self-feeder and filling it with food before starting to pick up the chess pieces from General Oleg Petrovsky's personal set that Aria T'Loak had sent to Shepard as a token of her appreciation. The husk head that Vega had convinced Shepard to adopt as her own was silent, its eyes dark, and Garrus only dared to hope that its death-like state was due to the Reapers having met their end.

Things had been running smoothly and progressing faster than he could have hoped for, the discovery of the turian ship greatly speeding up the repairs. Last he had checked, Tali was nearing completion on the Drive Core and Liara and Traynor were wrapping up work on the communications systems. Access to the Extranet was still something they could not get, but something they could live without.

He could only hope that the Reapers were not lying in wait for them as soon as they lifted off. It was a necessary risk; they couldn't stay marooned on the planet for much longer. They would either meet their end in the foreign land or in the black space above, but at least in the dark void they could give the Reapers a hell of a fight before going down, the last flame of resistance in a lost war.

Garrus smirked to himself. Oh yes, it'd be one hell of a fight. Something worthy of the ship and its spectacular crew.

_Guns calibrated, Shepard .Firing algorithms all figured out._

The door to the cabin swished open all of a sudden, Garrus's head snapping up in alarm. He quickly stashed the plaque under her pillow, not wanting anyone to see him in such a vulnerable state.

"Garrus? You in here?"

_Tali._

Putting on his emotionless mask, Garrus got up from the bed and walked towards the steps that led to the entrance of "the loft". He squinted as Tali activated the lights and she apologized as she quickly dimmed them.

"Tali," he greeted her. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes," the quarian said, her hands twisting in the way they always did when she was agitated. "Better than alright in fact."

"Oh?" Garrus pressed, looking at her skeptically. If things were alright then why was she nervous?

Tali nodded. "Liara and Traynor have successfully restored functionality to the communications system and Donnelly and Daniels are putting the finishing touches on the Drive Core."

Garrus's mandibles shifted in excitement—finally they could get off the damned planet!—while his voice remained neutral. "Thank you for the update Tali. Will we be prepared to launch tomorrow at 0600?"

"Yes we will. But Garrus—"

"That'll be all Tali," he cut in. "Nothing here to fix. Well, except for the mess of course."

"Garrus—"

"I'll set up a meeting for later tonight," he continued, trying to not pay attention to the concern in her voice. His mandibles clenched close to his cheeks as he suppressed the emotions coursing within him. He didn't want the others to worry about him, dammit. That was why he had finally retreated to Shepard's cabin to be alone, to allow himself to mourn—

_Mourn what? Shepard's not dead. She can't be. Believe in her._

He looked down as he activated his omnitool, tapping in some instructions. "You should be getting a message shortly that will relay instructions—"

"_Garrus._"

He stopped speaking finally, his mandibles flaring out the tiniest bit. Tali's eyes, normally barely able to be made out behind the purple mask, burned brightly. He could feel her watching him, despite being unable to read her eyes and watch the small changes in her facial structure.

"Tali, I—"

"_Um! Excuse this interruption! Comm Specialist Traynor speaking!_" Samantha Traynor's voice streamed in through the ship's intercom system, cutting Garrus off. _"I've just received a transmission from Miranda Lawson!"_


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: To those of you waiting to see what's happening with Garrus and the rest of the crew…it is Shep's turn for the spotlight! Don't worry though, we'll be getting back to them next chapter. :) In the meantime though, it's time for a visit from everyone's favorite singing scientist salarian.

Also, I'd like to say thank you all for the amount of follows, favs, and reviews! It's very encouraging to open up my email and see the alerts.

Just a warning, some mentioning of the Citadel DLC in here. Nothing too major though.

/7

Shepard sucked in a deep breath, her body convulsing as an electrical current ran through her, jolting her back into consciousness. Well, sort of.

She blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to get them to focus as she took stock of the situation. Her mind was a bit fuzzy, her senses numb, but it was obvious that she was still in that hellish void with the gnarled and dead trees.

She could no longer feel Ash's presence, and she recalled glumly the vision of her friend dissolving into dust and blowing away on the wind, back to wherever it was she had come from.

The Commander smiled sadly, glad that she'd gotten the chance to have that final goodbye. Ash had seemed confident that they'd be meeting up again someday, and perhaps they had spent some good quality time together when Shepard had been spaced, but she couldn't remember.

Seeing the brave woman had ignited something within her, rekindled her desire to live. She had reminded her that she was only one person that could do so much, but a person that was special to a great many people.

It was almost funny how she had almost lost sight of that, had almost forgotten about all the people that would be devastated should she not return alive. She remembered in those brief moments before falling into this dream of hers of having the drive to fight, to keep going despite the agonizing pain. What had happened to it? Why had it vanished when she had woken here? She had wanted to see her friends again, wanted to find her parents, wanted to embrace the man she had fallen irrevocably in love with. She had wanted to go _home_. So what about this world had changed her mind so suddenly?

_Ash said that this was the world of my guilt. Maybe that has something to do with it?_

If this place was indeed what Ash said it was, then it was very likely that it had had a hand in making her apathetic about her fate. This place represented the darkness and was home to her inner demons. It was no wonder she had temporarily lost her way.

Her eyebrows drew together as a strange scent suddenly tickled her nose, distracting her. It was familiar and foreign at the same time; unknown and exotic, reminiscent of something she had not experienced in a long, long time…

But…what?

She took in a slow, deep breath, her mind running the mysterious smell against the catalogue in her brain. After a minute, it hit her.

_Salt._

_That's what it smells like._

_Salt._

_And water._

Her eyes narrowed, trying to focus again but to no avail.

_But why…?_

The cry of something—a bird?—echoed throughout the forest, leaving a haunting emptiness in its wake. She suddenly became aware of the eerie silence filling the void; not a thing was to be heard, not even the whispers of those she had sent to their graves. The silence was worse than the cries of the dead though and she found herself wishing for some noise or sign of life. Anything but the gray trees and silence. Anything.

"Ah. Shepard. Awake. Good."

A familiar voice cut through the stillness, startling her. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened in surprise. That voice..! But it couldn't be…!

A blurry figure moved into her field of view and she frowned as she tried to get her eyes to work. There was a light pressure on her chest, gentle probing fingers searching her for any trace of injury. She couldn't help but let out a snort; no, this ethereal body of hers was fine, even though when she "woke up" from those little lapses of consciousness she struggled to breathe and her vision was horrible.

It was her physical body that needed attending to. Getting caught in the Reaper's unforgiving beam during the run to the Conduit and then being blasted with shrapnel after choosing destruction…Her physical body was in one hell of a shape.

"No injuries detected. Reason for lack of breath and inability to focus eyes unknown. Incorporeal form not have same injuries as physical body. Fascinating. Warrants further study."

A smile crept across the Commander's face. There was no mistaking who it was. There was only one person she knew that talked that way, only one person that could possibly be curious about such things even though he was dead.

"Mordin."

Upon saying his name, her eyesight cleared up as if by magic and the familiar salarian came into sharp focus. The smile that was on her face was mimicked on his and it warmed her heart to see him.

"Still got that verbal tic, huh?" Shepard grinned. Salarians were fast talkers by nature, largely due to their hyperactive metabolism. They aged quicker because of this and only had about 40 years to cram in a lifetime of activities. Of course, to them the 40 years was long, but to other species—vorcha excluded—it was short. Mordin was the only salarian Shepard knew that spoke in fragments though. It had taken a little getting used to at first, but she had quickly come to see it as an endearing quality of his, even coming to enjoy it on missions.

She had missed it more than she had realized.

Mordin nodded in response to her question. "Yes. Force of habit. Spent years talking this way. Cannot simply…unlearn. Even if dead."

Shepard let out a laugh and shook her head, sitting up with a groan. Mordin quickly moved to assist her but she waved him off. "No, don't. Don't change. Don't you _ever _change."

Mordin blinked, a bit taken back by the ferocity in her voice. After a second he nodded. "Understand. Attachment to familiarity. Won't change."

She laughed again, her heart thudding painfully in her chest. It was nice to have him here like this beside her. She remembered the recording he'd made for her that she'd found the night after the party thrown in her new Citadel apartment, but this was so much better. The party had seemed empty without him and his technobabble. Undoubtedly he would have gone around muttering things like, "Fascinating," and "Warrants further study," as he had observed both past and present crews of the _Normandy _go wild.

"Oh Mordin, I've missed you." Her voice was thick with emotions, her eyes filled with regret.

The former STG agent tilted his head slightly, considering her words and appearance. After a few seconds had passed, he spoke. "Did not mean to cause pain. Genophage had to be cured. My work. My responsibility. Had to be me. Someone else—

"—might have gotten it wrong," Shepard interjected sadly. "I know Mordin, I know…"

Her eyes softened as the last moments she'd had with him played out in her mind. He had accepted his fate with a smile, having a sort of bitter sweetness in his countenance. The closure, the peace, the redemption he'd so desired… just within reach.

She had been happy for him, glad in knowing that he had finally found his way. But she had also been heartbroken. The crew she had assembled for the suicide mission had been one of the closest she'd ever had. When one was facing down something that was more than likely going to be their end, you didn't take small moments or the people around you for granted. Strong bonds had been formed, bonds that would resist the test of time and survive even into death.

When she had stepped onto the _Normandy _for the first time in months during the escape from Earth, she had immediately noticed how quiet it was without her old team. The ship had been full with new faces and old, but had seemed empty at the same time. Joker, EDI, Kaidan, and Adams had been there with her, but that was it. Her family was missing, her friends all gone.

Slowly the ship had begun to fill up and start to feel like home again— Liara, Garrus, Chakwas, Donnelly, Daniels, and Wrex all coming aboard. And then, unexpectedly, Mordin. Out of all the people she had expected to run into again, he had been the last. Out of all the people she had been expecting to lose, he had not been one of them.

"Find recording?" Mordin asked suddenly. "Made it for you. Didn't know what would happen on Tuchunka. Thought might help if…something happened."

Shepard nodded. "It was one hell of a hangover gift. Nothing says good morning like a singing scientist salarian."

"Glad you got it. Also glad you enjoyed. It was…fun to put together."

"Garrus liked it too," Shepard added. She felt like she should let him know that the turian had appreciated it as well; after all, Mordin had been rather helpful in making sure neither one died during their first round of interspecies intercourse.

"Ah, yes. Garrus. Also left further…recreational vids for viewing. Helpful?"

Shepard's eyebrows raised in surprise. "What? You did? But then…_oh_." Her eyes narrowed. "No wonder Garrus was a bit more, ah, skilled the last time we..._ahem_."

"Garrus was…?" Mordin looked at her in an inquiring manner, encouraging her to continue.

Shepard looked at him pointedly, as if to say, "_Really?_"

The salarian tapped his chin thoughtfully before his eyes finally widened with enlightenment. "Oh. _Oh._"

"So I guess I have you to thank for his last performance," she continued, trying to hide her grin. "So…thanks Mordin. Helping me from even beyond the grave. With sex. Who would've thought it?"

"Always glad to help, Shepard. Happy to be of assistance, even if dead."

The last word—dead—caused her smirk to falter. The reminder that when—_if_—she woke up, he wouldn't be there. She could live without him and eventually she would be able to look back on their time together and smile, but the pain was still raw, the loss still fresh. She was allowed to mourn; there was nothing wrong with that. She just couldn't let it rule her life.

But what would be waiting for her when she woke up, if she woke up at all? Would she face a decimated galaxy? The bodies of her crew? Had Garrus survived his injuries? Did she even deserve to get a third chance at life?

"Shepard, you must live."

Shepard blinked and looked at the scientist. "Hm?"

Mordin began to pace, hands clasped behind his back. "Know that you feel responsible. Shouldn't. My decision."

"What? No, I—"

Mordin held up a hand to silence her.

"Gave chance to redeem myself. Something couldn't have gotten without your help. Know that future is scary. Uncertain. Don't know who lives, who dies. Don't control it." He paused and inhaled deeply. "But, Shepard…" He stopped walking, fixing his large black eyes upon her. "Lives lost, not your fault. You can only do so much. Not god. So, enjoy life. Go to the beach. Count seashells. Analyze them, if possible." The last sentence he said was with a wide smile.

"What? No beaches in heaven?" Shepard chuckled.

_So that's what I smelled earlier…the ocean._

"Will let you find out when you get there. Just make sure no time soon. So much life left to live. So much potential left."

"Potential? Really?" Shepard looked at him skeptically, remembering her clone's words.

"_You're nothing but a tired old woman!"_

While her clone had been wrong about many things, there had been some truth in her words. War aged one like nothing else, and even though Shepard wasn't even middle aged yet, she felt as if she had one foot in the grave.

Mordin bobbed his head. "Yes. Positive. Would not have said if didn't believe."

Shepard ducked her head, overcome with emotion. Mordin was nothing if not sincere; he didn't say things he didn't believe in.

This was what she had needed, just like with Ash. This forgiveness, this gift of moving on…It was more than she'd ever hoped for. She wasn't sure if it was real or not, but by god she would take it.

"Must leave soon. Anything else you wish to say?"

The Spectre's head shot up in alarm at his comment and with sorrow she saw that he, just like Ash, was beginning to fade.

She opened her mouth to speak—of course there was more she wanted to say!—but found that she could only get out one last question.

"Mordin…would you have danced at the party?"

Mordin gave her a warm smile. "I would have."

A/N: I'm hoping I was able to keep Shepard in character; I was a bit worried about this chapter. Personally, I think that she would feel guilt over the deaths of her friends and after the hellish ride she's been on, I feel like she would be near the breaking point. I mean, who wouldn't be? In the games she was, and I don't think that it would just go away, even after talking about it with others. Getting through losses takes time, sometimes even years.

Just because she's a soldier doesn't mean that she is an unfeeling robot. However, that doesn't mean that she'll just go to pieces either. I feel like after she confronts her guilt, she'll be able to get over it and move on with a smile.

There will be more Shakarian goodness coming soon along with their reunion. I'm thinking of adding in a chapter in which Shep talks with Legion as, you guessed it, Thane is coming up next! Whether or not Legion, despite having achieved individuality, has a soul or not is up to debate, but I love him so I think I'll stick him in anyway. I'd like to think that he's up at the bar with Ash, Mordin, and Thane watching over Shepard.

This is going to be a long fanfiction with many chapters, but I have it all planned out to the end. I'm hoping I can make weekly updates so I can cure you of your suspense :)


	8. Chapter 8

/8

"So they're all gone? For good? No more? Extinct? Fried? Fricasseed?"

Miranda nodded, crossing her arms over her chest, her face illuminated by the holographic projector she and the rest of the _Normandy _crew stood around. The ragtag group wore expressions of exhaustion, their bodies thin and faces haggard, but there was a light in their eyes now that she had not seen when she had first boarded the ship.

She couldn't help but smile a little as she remembered them clamoring out to meet her as she had stepped out of her ship, all of them desperate for answers.

Were the Reapers gone? Had they won? What was going on in the galaxy? Why hadn't anyone come looking for them? Were they the only ones left?

It had been overwhelming for her to say the least; as soon as she'd start to answer one question another one would be tossed her way. Luckily, Garrus had come to her rescue and managed to make his flangling voice heard over the bustle, his tone sharp and commanding. She hadn't been surprised to discover that he had stepped up in Shepard's absence and had quickly deferred control of the situation to him, upon which he had ushered them all inside the safety of the _Normandy_'s War Room and allowed Miranda to pull up files from her ship.

When she had broken the news of the Reaper's defeat—even though she had not had information on everyone's families and their whereabouts—there had been an outcry of relief. Some had slumped to the ground as emotion had overcome them—like Tali, some had whooped in joy— like Joker, some had prayed thankful prayers—like Liara, some had punched others roughly in the arm— like James, and others had simply closed their eyes and breathed deeply, almost as if they were breathing for the first time—like Garrus. Even Javik, the ever-judgmental Prothean, had had an emotional response, saying something in his ancient tongue as he had bowed his head reverently.

She had felt privileged to be the first to see the brave crew of which she had once been a part of, and a feeling of renewed hope had surged through her at their jubilant response to the news of the Reapers' defeat, but there had still been an air of heaviness about them, still a sorrow that was unspoken but on everyone's mind, including hers.

_What_ _about Shepard_?

It was unsettling to not have the familiar presence of the Commander on board, and the _Normandy_ seemed empty without her. She had become Miranda's friend, probably her first true one since Jacob Taylor. Never had the biotic woman thought that her life would be forever altered by this one person, her viewpoints and thoughts about herself and the galaxy around her challenged and changed by the unstoppable force of nature that was Shepard.

She had never thought for a second that someone as important as that Alliance officer turned Spectre would take the time of day to get to know her on a personal level, to actually give a damn about her family and how she viewed herself as a person, to see past her determined and harsh exterior to the uncertain girl beneath. She had heard stories of what the Shepard clone had accused the Commander's friends of becoming—followers of the Cult of Shepard—and while there had been some truth in what she had said, she had misunderstood the fundamental reason of why people had been drawn to Shepard in the first place. It was something that even Miranda herself couldn't quite describe. Shepard just _was_ and whatever it was that she was, it was something that inspired the people around her and drew them to her, creating unbreakable bonds and making the darkest of days seem bright.

In addition to Shepard's absence, it was also an odd experience for the ex-Cerberus officer in that the ship had been drastically modified since her time spent on it. The War Room was dark and cramped, taking up much of what had once been the armory (and she could only imagine Jacob's fit should he ever see what they had done to his favorite haunt) and Mordin's lap was completely gone, replaced with a security checkpoint (and she remembered Shepard showing her a message in which the dearly departed salarian had complained about its destruction). In truth, the overhaul was a bit more practical than Cerberus's design, but then again, the Illusive Man hadn't been planning for a war as the Alliance had; he'd been planning for a suicide mission.

"That's correct Mr. Moreau," she said at last, her thoughts subsiding. "In the past three weeks, not a single husk, cannibal, brute, ravager, banshee, or any other Reaper creation for that matter—including the Reapers themselves—has moved an inch by their own accord." She raised a slender eyebrow in curiosity. "Do you not believe me?"

Joker shook his head, his hands on his hips. "No, I do. It's just…" He shook his head again, at a loss for words. "I mean…wow."

"It's over…" Tali breathed from beside her. "Finally over…"

Miranda looked over and smiled warmly at the young quarian. She had been a bit surprised to discover the _Normandy_'s distress signal, but pleased nonetheless. She'd been a few parsecs out, on her way from the Illusive Man's base to the nearest Mass Relay, when she'd gotten a blip on her screen indicating a downed Alliance vessel. To her great surprise she had found that the call tag matched that of the _Normandy_'s and she had gone to investigate, curious as to whether or not it was truly the lost ship. No one had seen or heard from them since they had fled Earth, and with the Relays all down it had been impossible to try and calculate what jumps they had made.

Small search parties had tried to find the ship, but more important things had had to be taken care of first and the searches had been called off after a few days.

Thankfully the communications networks in the different star systems had not been damaged by the red beam of energy, and while traveling from system to system was temporarily improbable, communicating was not.

"Hey! I told you Lola would kick their asses! Didn't I, Esteban?"

"Yes Mr. Vega, you did," Cortez said flatly, clearly un-amused as James punched him yet again in the arm. "Several times."

"I didn't even have to hear it from Kit Kat here," James continued, ignoring Cortez. "I just _knew _that Lola wouldn't let us down."

"'Kit Kat'?" Miranda frowned, confused. He couldn't possibly be referring to her…could he?

"Yeah," James grinned mischievously. "Kit Kat."

Miranda narrowed her eyes as her brain tried to put two and two together. "Why are you calling me—"

"Trust me, you don't want to know," Cortez cut in quickly, remembering James's drunken ramblings during the party at Shepard's Citadel apartment. "Besides…" he looked around at the group. "I think we have more important things to discuss, right?"

"Yes, right, of course," Miranda agreed, making a mental note to interrogate the soldier later. She looked at Garrus for permission to continue. "May I?"

"By all means," he said, nodding his head.

Miranda quickly brought up her omnitool and selected something, causing the holographic projector in front of her to pull up the image of a Mass Relay. Several boxes with detailed information about its current status appeared next to it, each indicating a separate spot on the mass transit device.

"As you can see, the Relays were severely damaged, leaving us all trapped in whatever system we were in when Shepard activated the Crucible." She paused, noticing Garrus flinch slightly at the mention of the Commander. She brought up her omnitool again and tapped another option. The hologram was replaced with images of the damaged parts that needed repairing. "The best of the best are working in the separate star systems to get them functional again. The fleet is still stranded in the Sol System and is quickly running out of supplies. We need these up and running. Now."

"Is there anything we can do?" Kaidan asked, stepping up from the back, a worried frown on his face. He walked up the projector and put his hands on the lip surrounding its base. His keen eyes scanned the holograms, reading. "I mean, I don't know what half this gibberish means, but I'm sure that Adams, Tali, and the rest do. And if there's any heavy lifting that needs to be done, I'm sure there are a few of us that could lend a hand."

"You mean some heavy-lifting _I _can do, right Fred? Wouldn't want you ladies to strain your backs now."

Kaidan's eyes widened in exasperation but he said nothing, Miranda's right hand flying to her mouth to hide the smile that was spreading her lips. In the weeks that they had been gone, the crew had had nobody but each other to talk to and while James was a great guy, Miranda had seen enough of him to know that his constant exuberant bearing and jocular manner could wear on anyone's nerves after an extended period of time. It seemed that the poor biotic Spectre had gotten the bulk of James Vega.

"Actually, I was on my way back from the Illusive Man's base when I got your signal," Miranda continued on, still trying not to smile. "I figured that with all the Reaper tech he'd been stealing that there'd be something in there about Mass Relays." She finally allowed herself to grin. "Turns out I was right."

"If I can get the long-range comms back up, I'm sure that my…assets…scattered throughout the galaxy would gladly aid the cause," Liara piped up, a sly smile on her face.

"Consider them fixed."

"Great," Kaidan said, straightening his posture. He turned to look at Garrus. "Garrus…"

The turian dipped his head. "Right. Miranda," he said, his electric blue eyes meeting her sky blue. "The _Normandy _and its crew are at your disposal. Whatever you need, you've got it."

"Pardon me for interrupting," Tali spoke up suddenly, cutting Miranda off just as she was about to thank Garrus for his assistance, "but I find it difficult to believe that it is taking this long to repair the Mass Relays. I understand that there is complex technology behind them, but if it is really true that the Reapers built them, shouldn't the geth—who have purified Reaper code—be able to complete the repairs faster and more efficiently than organics can?" She twisted her hands together, clearly flustered that she had spoken out. "I mean, sure I guess I could see the hesitancy to let them near something so powerful, but the geth are our allies and I believe that—"

"The geth are dead."

The lights representing Tali's eyes blinked, and Miranda was certain that if she had been able to see her face she would have seen shock. Perhaps "dead" was too strong a word, but it seemed fitting given what had happened to them.

"What?"

Miranda leaned forward and put her hands on the edge of the holographic projector. "Whatever it was Shepard did, it shut down not only the Reapers but all other advanced synthetics too. Geth all over have been reported inoperative and I'm assuming…" she paused, standing up straight again and looking around at the places where the ship's comms were located. She hadn't seen EDI in her android body nor had she heard her since boarding the ship. "…that that extends to AI as well."

"What?"

This time the shocked gasp came from Joker. All eyes went to the crippled pilot, his grief evident on his face.

"But she…EDI…I…Shepard…she couldn't have…not willingly…I can't…" his mouth continued to move but no words came out. Tears shone brightly within his eyes but did not fall.

"Joker…" Traynor said softly, moving a comforting hand to support him.

He shrugged her off, ducking his head and tipping his hat down so his face was shielded. "I…I gotta go do some more preflight tests before we take off." With all the strength he could muster, he hobbled as fast as he could out of the War Room and back to his beloved and now co-pilotless bridge.

The rest of the crew stood in silence, contemplating what Miranda's words meant.

"He…he loved her," Traynor said after a bit, her voice soft. "He just needs some time…that's all."

"We've all lost people we care about in this war," Cortez said darkly. "I'm sure EDI won't be the last."

"But not…" Liara paused, her brow creasing slightly as she bit her lip to keep herself from speaking further.

She didn't need to continue though, because everyone knew what she had been about to say.

_Not Shepard._

Miranda could only hope she was right.

/

Shepard had done it. She had really, truly done it.

Garrus let out a breath, finally letting the stern leader façade fall as the last of the crew exited the small room. There was much work to be done and not much time to do it. The fleet was going to starve in the Sol System, and that was something that they could not allow. They had to get the Mass Relays back up and running, they had to get back to their homes and find their families, they had to find out what had happened to all advanced synthetic life, they had to find _her_.

But would they like what they found?

Already they were dealing with the harsh realization of what the price of victory had been. EDI and the geth were no longer with them, and while they had been synthetics with the latter being initially hostile, it was still something that they would all have to get used to, Joker and Tali especially.

Garrus's face softened at the thought of the _Normandy_'s pilot. He could understand what he was going through. Back when Shepard had first died, he had felt as if his world had collapsed around him, all the light and goodness being sucked into a black hole and replaced with a black void of nothingness. He remembered the pain and confusion and little else, drowning his sorrows in doing what he did best—handing out justice to those that deserved it. He hadn't even been in a relationship with her back then and he had still been rocked violently, his inner sanctum torn to pieces by her sudden departure from the world of the living.

Looking back he could see that he had always loved her, perhaps not at first in a romantic way, but it had been a love all the same.

And now he was there without her again, just as Joker was without EDI.

Silently, Garrus activated the projector again, his eyes roaming across the holographic Mass Relay.

Liara and Miranda had left together discussing the _Normandy_'s communications, the asari asking if she could set up shop with Miranda temporarily until the _Normandy_'s long range comm system was fixed. Garrus didn't know how long that would take or if Liara would even be back on the ship anytime soon, but he was very, very grateful at that moment that she was the Shadow Broker. She would be able to discover the status of everyone's relatives faster than anyone else could, and he wanted to know if his father and sister had made it to the salarian medical/research facility his mother was staying at.

Even Vega, whom Garrus had gotten to know more during their short "vacation", was worried about his "deadbeat, no good father."

"He's my pops, y' know?" James had said to him one day while he was visiting the armory. "I mean, he's an ass and never did anything for me really, but…he's still my dad; my own flesh and blood. Just 'cuz I don't like him don't mean I don't love him, no?" He had paused, raising his eyebrows at Garrus, trying to see if he understood what he was trying to say. "I wouldn't wish him dead and gone. Not like that."

Garrus had known exactly what James had meant, for just like the human, he and his father did not see eye-to-eye. Granted, Garrus's father wasn't a drunken drug-addict like James's, but they still had their differences. Just because they fought didn't mean that Garrus's didn't love him though; he could not like his attitude and opinions about certain things, but he would always care for his father. The older Vakarian had always wanted the best for his only son after all, and everything he had done for Garrus he had done out of good will. Of course it hadn't always come off that way, Garrus seeing his father's guiding words as his way of trying to control his life, and there had been many heated arguments between the two which had led to a break in their relationship. They were two different individuals from two different generations; conflict was inevitable. But even with that rift, they still loved each other.

The rift had finally begun to heal after years of strain, when Garrus had humbled himself enough to go to his father about the Reapers, desperate for someone to heed his words. His father had listened respectfully, his keen eyes and sharp ears following every movement and sound that Garrus had made. Garrus had tried to tone down anything regarding the Commander, as he was not ready to have _that _conversation with his father yet, but he was positive that the man had been able to pick up on his strong affections for her anyway. Yet, he had not brought up the fact that his son had fallen for a human—which had surprised Garrus a bit— and had instead focused on the immediate danger, believing his son's fantastic tale about a synthetic life from beyond the galaxy that was coming to reap them all.

How cruel would it be for that which was only starting to heal to be taken away from him now?

Garrus clenched his jaw shut, strong emotions coursing through him, limbs going tight with adrenaline. He was one step closer to discovering the truth behind the many mysteries surrounding him and it was terrifying. He wanted to know and yet he didn't at the same time.

What message was waiting to be delivered to him on the other side of the Extranet? Would he discover his family all massacred? Or would they be alive and safe on the salarian world? What would he find waiting for him upon his return to Earth? Would he find her bloody corpse battered and bruised beyond recognition? Or would he find her smiling that smile of hers, arms open in a welcoming embrace?

He closed his eyes and swallowed hard.

So many questions.

There was nothing he wanted more than to know what had happened to her. He didn't feel bad in admitting it, for even though she wasn't his flesh and blood, he had every intention of making her his family. He didn't care if they couldn't naturally produce children together—biology be damned!—she was his and he was hers. He didn't care that she was human and he was turian, she was able to understand him in ways no one ever had.

She was the love of his life, and while he could live without her, that didn't mean that he wanted to. He knew that he could wake up and keep going even without her there at his side, that he could function and fight and kill. He could honor her memory in his own way, ensuring that the galaxy she had fought so hard to protect stayed together, making sure that the people she cared so much about stayed safe.

There was no rule saying that he couldn't love again, and he was quite certain that Shepard wouldn't be mad at him if he did, but Shepard was Shepard and the thing he had had with her, the thing he still had with her even if she was gone, was special and unique, a bond unlike any other he had had before, irreplaceable.

She had always been there for him, knowing instinctively what to say and when. She had listened to him—really listened—and been able to point him in the right direction without fail. She had known what things would rend his soul asunder and plague him with guilt and saved him from making many mistakes while at the same time encouraging him to take chances that he would otherwise not take and up regretting that he hadn't. She had pushed him, challenged him, _believed _in him.

He had told her that first night they had spent together that he had wanted something to go right for just _once_—just one damn time!—and their relationship had. His stomach churned angrily at the thought of losing his little slice of heaven so soon, his heart beating rapidly within his chest, threatening to burst.

But he had to keep going.

Garrus let out a steadying breath and tried to get his eyes to focus on the blue light in front of him. He didn't let himself sink into these morbid thoughts frequently—he was, despite it all, an optimistic individual. He hadn't always been, but Shepard had taught him how to beat the odds with sheer force of will, by simply just persisting and not giving up.

He was positive that his family was safe, but what about her? No amount of will could bring her back from the dead if that was indeed what she was. Perhaps Miranda could try to initiate another Lazarus project, but she no longer had the funds necessary to undertake such a task. And besides…would Shepard even want to leave heaven again? She had earned herself the best rest possible, even if that meant that she was no longer at his side. But Garrus was selfish, just like any other being, and didn't want her dead.

His manidbles flared slightly, his hands recalling what it had felt like to run through her hair for the first time. Turians didn't have that uniquely human feature, and it had felt strange yet pleasant all at the same time. Everything about her was alien to him; foreign yet enticing. And he missed it all.

He had wanted to pay her back for her kindness, to be her rock in the storm, and while he had been that for her in the last leg of the war, he didn't want to stop being there for her. He wanted to be with her now, be she dead or alive. He wanted to hold her hand just one more time, he wanted to say "I love you" over and over again.

"I don't think that that hologram is going to magically update itself, no matter how long you look at it."

Garrus's head snapped up, the loud click of boots against metal plating sounding as Kaidan Alenko entered the War Room.

"Kaidan."

The biotic Spectre dipped his head in acknowledgement. "Hey, Garrus. You've been in here awhile. Everything ok?"

Garrus hesitated. "I…don't know," he admitted at last. "It's just…I'm not sure I'm ready for what's out there."

The Spectre nodded. "I know what you mean. With the Reapers gone, the geth deactivated, countless worlds devastated, and the new alliances…" Kaidan let out a breath and shook his head. "It's going to be a different galaxy out there that we get back to…a new galaxy with a whole different set of rules."

"Yes, it is," Garrus agreed solemnly.

The century old feud between the krogans and turians/salarians had finally been resolved, humans and turians had become closer than ever before, and the asari had been dealt a devastating blow. In addition to the ruin their planet had been in, no doubt there would be heavy consequences for the asari that had hidden the Prothean technology. Countless other species would demand their own turn with the artifacts, thus evening out the playing field when it came to advancements. No longer would the asari stand on top; their time at the peak was over. Galactic power was shifting, changing, and there was nothing that anyone could do to stop it.

If there was one thing that was unchanging however, it was his belief in Shepard.

It was only recently that Garrus had come to understand what Kaidan had meant by believing in her. Kaidan was no stranger to war and he knew that death happened more often than not, so why would he be telling Garrus to believe that the Commander had survived despite the odds?

What he had been telling him to believe in, Garrus had figured out, was Shepard herself, as a person. To believe that no matter what had happened to her, to believe that even if she had died and come back somehow, to believe that even if she should disappear for years and years, that she was still herself. To trust in her and that she had done everything within her power to come back alive.

While the clone incident back on the Citadel had been incredibly unsettling, it had proven just how unique Shepard truly was as an individual. It was not only her genetics that had made her, but her life experiences as well. She had been through hellfire, refined into the sharpest steel. She had been through loss and tragedy, becoming sympathetic and understanding. There was only one Shepard and one Shepard alone; even if she was cloned over and over again there was no replacing her.

Kaidan wanted Garrus to believe that Shepard, no matter what had happened to her, had fought her hardest. He wanted him to know that she cared about him a whole damn lot, that nothing could break the bond she had with him. The bond may change, but it would never truly vanish.

And that was all something that Garrus could believe in.

The two stood together in silence, both contemplating what lay before them. It had been one hell of a ride, and it seemed that it wasn't over yet, not by a long shot. There was more bad news to come undoubtedly, but good news as well. They were going to be shapers of this new galactic front, a testament of how species could get along seamlessly. The _Normandy _crew had been the first truly multicultural ship after all, and no doubt leaders from all sides would be looking to them for wisdom in their dealings with the others…all the bureaucratic crap that Garrus hated most.

"Garrus…I don't think I've said this before, but…thank you."

Garrus looked at the Kaidan, blinking in confusion. "For what?"

The major looked back at him, his face holding a mixture of sadness and acceptance. "For being there for her when I couldn't. For believing in her then and now. I wouldn't trust her with anyone else besides you. Make her happy."

Garrus smiled. "I will."

No, Shepard couldn't be dead. She just couldn't.


	9. Chapter 9

/9

It was getting easier to breathe.

Shepard sat up, her head clear and vision focused for a change as she woke from her slumber. She sighed, feeling the tenseness in her body flow out and away as she stared up at the ember-free sky. The drab gray color had started to lighten, and she could have sworn she saw a hint of baby blue.

Everything was changing; inside of her, outside of her…She was gaining back the confidence she had lost, the will to live becoming stronger and stronger after each passing second. And it was all thanks to Mordin and Ash.

Her throat tightened uncomfortably at the thought of her two friends and she bit her lip as her eyes prickled with salty tears.

The guilt was dissipating; she was slowly coming to terms with those she had lost but that didn't mean she was going to miss them any less. Rather, it would become something she got used to living with, much like she had after sending three-fourths of her unit to their death on Torfan. She had promised herself on that terrible, bloody day that she would never leave anyone behind again, that only trash left their comrades to die. In that battle, she had learned the sanctity of life.

In the war with the Reapers she had learned that sometimes, no matter how hard you tried, there was nothing you could do.

There would forever be a hole in her heart where they had been, and while it would never be completely filled, she could still stuff it as full as she could with memories of good times. If she lived like that, carrying on their smiles and living out the life they wanted her to live, they could become immortal. As long as there was someone left to think of them, to reminisce and pass on their stories, they would never truly die.

After the rain always came sunshine, after the bad always came some good. It was the way the galaxy worked and while the dark times could drag on and on there would always be a time when there came a break in the storm. It was a vicious cycle, the cycle of life. And she was glad to be a part of it still.

"Shepard."

The Commander smiled and looked over her shoulder, none too surprised to see Thane Krios walking towards her. There was a youthful vigor in every stop he took, his skin a vibrant green color.

"Thane. I was wondering when you would show up."

The drell made a humming noise in his throat as he came up beside up, stopping when he reached her. "May I?" he asked, nodding his head at the open space next to her.

"Go ahead."

Letting out a grunt, he sat down, folding his legs in front of his body and twining his fingers together. "It's good to see you, Shepard," he said. "I am sorry that you had to witness my passing. It was something I had been hoping to spare both you and Kolyat from, but…I am glad you were there in the end. It was…comforting."

"Hey, anytime," Shepard replied, knocking their shoulders together gently. "Though I'm sorry to tell you that you only get to die once. Or, twice if you're me."

Thane let out a chuckle. "Yes, twice if it's you."

"Maybe third time's the charm?"

"Pardon?"

Shepard shook her head. "Old human saying. Forget it."

"I see."

The two sat in silence for a bit, Shepard closing her eyes and enjoying the light breeze dancing across her skin. This was how it always had been with Thane back in the day. He was a quiet man, filled with philosophical thoughts and words of wisdom won through a hard life filled with blood.

He had been able to die honorably, saving the life of the salarian counselor from the insane Kai Leng. Shepard had tried valiantly to persuade the assassin back onto the _Normandy _but was glad that he had stuck to his guns and stayed at Huerta. While he might have lived longer had he returned to the ship, thereby avoiding the confrontation with the Cerberus assassin entirely, his sacrifice had saved a lot of lives.

"Thank you," Shepard said at last. "For watching over Kaidan and for what you did to save the counselor." She grinned mischievously. "Watching you kick that bastard's ass ranks up there as one of the best moments of my life."

Thane shook his head, his expression pulled into a slight grimace, almost as if he was embarrassed. "You should have seen me in my youth. If it hadn't been for my sickness he would not have stood a chance, Cerberus upgrades or not." The last words were said with a hint of pride, even though he tried to mask the emotion.

"I'm glad you're my friend then," Shepard teased. "Hate to think what would have happened had we ever crossed paths while you were on a job. I wouldn't have stood a chance, would I?"

The assassin did not respond and simply stared at her blankly, causing her impish smile to falter.

"I'm sorry if that offended you Thane," she apologized quickly. "I didn't mean to—"

"I wouldn't have been able to kill you."

"What?" She looked at him incredulously. Maybe he wouldn't be able to beat her in an all-out gunfight, but if they were to go toe to toe without the use of weapons or backup…Yes, her body was impressive and had certain cybernetic advantages, but like Thane had said…he could have taken out Kai Leng with or without them and while Kai Leng was no Shepard and had been in fact defeated by her…Well, her luck could have only kept her going for so long.

Thane sighed, his shoulders slouching forward slightly. "Perhaps it was a poor choice of words on my part. Allow me to clarify…Yes; in my prime I believe that I would have been physically able to kill you…"

Shepard snorted. "Gee, thanks."

"…but that is not to say that I would have been _mentally _able to. Not with a clean conscience at least."

Raising an eyebrow, the Spectre looked at the drell in a quizzical manner. "What do you mean?"

"You have a light in you that is not unlike Irikah's," Thane explained softly. "Before you'd even said a word to me I knew that you were the type of person that would risk her life for a complete stranger, just like Irikah…"

"Thane…" Shepard's voice was soft, comforting. "If this bothers you…"

"I am fine," he said after a moment. He gave her a faint smile. "Do not worry. I am at Irikah's side now. All is forgiven. It is…good to be with her again. I can give her the happiness in death that I was not able to give her in life…But, that is a discussion for another time. Shepard…" he hesitated, thinking. "…I had read of you before being approached by Cerberus. I had known _of _you but did not _know _you. It is one thing to read about one's deeds and another to meet them face to face, to be to see the lines carved into their skin and the burdens that way them down."

"I must have been one hell of a mess to read," Shepard commented humorously.

"Yes and no."

"What do you mean?"

"Shepard you are a…complex person to say the least," Thane remarked, shifting slightly. "When I met you, we were both struggling to attain redemption, though you might not have consciously realized it. As one who had been seeking forgiveness for his sins for the better part of his life, I was able to sense a kindred spirit in you. I could never have killed someone that was suffering as I was. Very few people do, and those that are tormented so deserve a chance to make up for their transgressions."

"Is that why that prayer was for me?" Her voice was low, barely above a whisper.

Thane dipped his head. "Yes. I pray for you still, actually. I pray that you will find peace and satisfaction." He blinked, his massive black eyes latching onto her. "You are a good person, Shepard. Ever since that day on Torfan you have been trying to be forgiven for your sins."

"Great job I'm doing at that," she chortled bitterly. "Allowing an entire race to die to end a war…"

The sky around them darkened suddenly and she shivered as an icy blast of wind came out of nowhere. Taking her bottom lip between her teeth, she drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, eyes narrowing as self-reproach swept through her. Her body shook, not just with cold but with barely contained rage.

The geth had been alive, sentient beings in their own right. She had worked so hard to keep them functioning, had done her best to negotiate a ceasefire between the servants and their creators. And what had she done shortly after she had finally reconciled the two diverse groups? Destroyed them, wiped them out in the red beam.

Just like she was responsible for losing her squad, for the lives of the batarians she'd ruthlessly slaughtered that day on Torfan, she was responsible for the advanced synthetic life spread throughout the galaxy that she had sacrificed. Of course it had probably been a quick and painless death, but that didn't make it right.

"Shepard…"

"I never asked for any of this, y'know?" she said resentfully, pressing her chin into the crook of her bended elbow. "I never wanted to be this great, special person that got to decide the fate of the galaxy. No matter what decision I made there at that damn Crucible, there was going to be something that went wrong, something that changed forever." Her teeth clenched together and her hands balled into fists. "Dammit, I'm a soldier! Tell me to shoot and I'll shoot! But leave me to decide the fate of trillions of lives…" She sniffed angrily. "Just like Ash said, I'm not god. So why did I get to act like one?"

She was suffering from survivor's guilt, she knew. She had been through it before, but she had never had a fatality count as high as one entire species. Here she was, between life and death, stuck, unable to move on and do one or the other. She had been getting better, had been starting to forgive herself and let go because Ash and Mordin had forgiven her and Thane sure as hell did, but what about the geth? What about Legion?

"I just…I wish I could say I'm sorry."

Thane stood up suddenly and offered his hand to her without saying a word. Her face adopting a curious expression, Shepard took his hand and stood up. "What are you doing, Thane?"

"Come, there is someone I think you should see."

/

Shepard wasn't sure how they'd found him, but they had.

"Legion."

It seemed that the nightmare world had many different paths and how Thane could navigate down any of them she had no idea. Maybe it was because she was imagining it all? But if she was imagining it all, why didn't she know the way?

"Shepard Commander. It is good to see you again."

Pushing thoughts of how and why out of her head, Shepard smiled affectionately at her synthetic friend, her eyes shining bright with unshed tears. Ignoring his extended hand, she pulled him into a tight hug, no doubt surprising the geth unit. It was a bit awkward, his form not really designed for such a close emotional act, but she hung on anyway.

"Legion…" she breathed, her throat tightening along with the rest of the muscles in her body as she fought back the sobs that wanted to break forth. "I am so…so…sorry." It wasn't much, and her words could never express how truly repentant she was for her choice, but what else could she have done? People had been dying in droves! She hadn't had time to think, to sort it all out. It had been do or die. And she had picked "do."

"The geth are not mad at you, Shepard Commander. We are at peace where we are, and there is no pain. Perhaps if we had been faced with the options before deactivation we would have reacted in anger, but as it is now, we are indebted to you."

Shepard's heart skipped a beat.

_What?_

Finally letting go, she stepped back from her friend.

"Legion…"

"We understood why you made the choice you did," Legion continued. "We do not blame you. _I _do not blame you."

"But Legion…I…let you all die…I…I killed you."

Legion shook its head. "That is negative, Shepard Commander. Yes, you did let the geth die, but you did not 'kill' the geth. It was the Old Machines that led to the downfall of the geth. It was…inevitable." It paused, its headpiece moving as it processed its thoughts, Shepard and Thane waiting patiently for it to speak again.

"Under the circumstances," it continued after a few seconds, "it was a logical action for you to have taken, the other only viable option having been control. We are saddened by our ceasing to function, but we know that if you had chosen to control and become the replacement AI there was a chance that after a few thousand cycles you would have become corrupted and taken the path that your predecessor had. If you hadn't, there was still the possibility that organics would have become totally reliant upon the Old Machines for their wellbeing and become empty shells unable to think for themselves. Lesser synthetics would have likely followed the organics' example, for with older, stronger, and more powerful machines to run things, what purpose would they have served? Therefore, we can forgive you even though control would have been overall preferable." It hesitated, a tone of uncertainty creeping into its voice. "We cannot help it, Shepard Commander. Life is preferable to death. Though we now know that what you perceive as 'living' is merely an illusion."

Shepard nodded in understanding. There had been one other option though, an option in which the control's risks wouldn't have been present. "But synthesis…"

"—would have potentially led to the self-termination of numerous lives," Legion interjected. "You would have been forcing a change, not only on organics but synthetics as well. Granted, synthetics long to understand organic thought processes and emotions, but it is something that should come about naturally, not by force. It is something that must be gradual, as change on a large scale so rapidly would be detrimental to the inhabitants of the galaxy."

Shepard let out a sad laugh, a tear finally managing to make its way out of her eye. "You make it all sound so simple."

"Because it is, Shepard Commander." Legion hesitated, its head panels moving in an agitated manner. "It is your human emotion that clouds your judgment."

If Shepard hadn't known better, she would have said he was worried that he was insulting her. But worrying was an organic emotion, wasn't it?

"I'll take that as a compliment," she said, smiling knowingly.

"Please do."

Shepard let out a laugh again, the sky around the trio starting to lighten even more. Her burdens were leaving her, slowly melting and dripping down her body, flowing out from the open wound in her heart and carried down the river of healing.

Human emotions. What a load of fun they could be sometimes. But if Legion, a member of the very race she had sacrificed, was justifying her actions, condoning them even, couldn't she?

"I've gotta ask," the Spectre said, "what do you mean by you're all 'indebted' to me?"

"We, the geth, would not have gotten a chance to redeem ourselves had you not given us the chance. Perhaps now organics will look upon us with favor and future synthetics will be…inspired by us."

"I'll make sure they will," Shepard vowed. "Your sacrifices will not be in vain. I swear it."

"Thank you, Shepard Commander. It was an honor knowing you."

"And it was an honor knowing you, Legion."

The two looked at each other, fondness etched into Shepard's face. She was positive that if Legion had been able to, he would have been smiling.

"Legion, it is time for us to go," Thane said suddenly. He walked over to stand beside the geth, the tips of his fingers beginning to wisp away into nothing. "Thank you again Shepard. For allowing me to find redemption. For giving me back my son. For fighting for his future. As a father, words cannot express what that means to me."

Shepard nodded her head in silent acknowledgement, her throat once again clogged as her human emotions got in the way.

"One more thing, Shepard Commander," Legion said as he too began to evaporate away. "EDI requests that I tell you thank you and that you tell Jeff that she…loves him."

Shepard's eyes widened, twin streams of liquid pouring down her face freely.

EDI!

She had forgotten that her friend was synthetic, an advanced AI, for she had been so…alive.

Nodding, Shepard croaked out. "Will do."

And just like that, they were gone.

/

"Hey! She's waking up! Hey! Goddammit!"

Everything hurt. Every. Single. Damn. Thing.

"Shit, what's it take to get some fucking help around here?"

A voice. A familiar voice. But whose?

Shepard frowned, or rather, she tried to, but found she could not.

"GODDAMMIT! KASUMI! WHERE THE HELL IS THAT DAMN DOCTOR?!"

Kasumi…? Kasumi…she knew that name. She…owed them something…didn't she?

"Zip it Zaeed! Dr. Michel has enough on her hands as it is. She's coming as fast as she can. She can't be here twenty-four seven!"

Zaeed…

"Well someone fucking should be because Shepard's hooked up to this damn contraption and who knows what the hell it does and—hey! Dammit Shepard! Stay awake! Stay fucking awake! I'm not your goddamn babysitter so get the hell up!"

Something—or rather, someone—grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her roughly.

"SHEPARD!"

A/N: Just a quick disclaimer: I am not trying to paint the other endings in a bad light. I am simply trying to show how each action that Shepard did/didn't take could be reasoned with. There are pros and cons to all!

It was suiting that I finish up this chapter today; I just got through Priority: Rannoch on my insanity run. I thought I could handle Legion's death this time around, but nope, I was still bawling like a baby. That, and I was happy for Tali, her people, and the geth having a home they could all share.

I've been into Bioshock Infinite a lot lately too. Been thinking about starting a fic for that as well…I love Booker.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Chapter 10 guys! Woo-hoo! Thanks for reading, faving, following and reviewing so far! Special shout-out to Hakluyt, Hotdog2d, Kel, roguelegacy, Meermiss, Magery, AlleluiaElizabeth, Alyssa, Ortholeine, keekeez WhiteDawn, kerrybluecrafts, Yoruki Hiiragizawa, FunnyLittleMe, Flowerneko, lifeotto, and numerous guests for reviewing!

Also, thanks to those that have pointed out little mistakes here and there, I really do appreciate it and I am going back and fixing them. I should really consider getting a beta reader…

/10

_No news is good news, right? _James snorted, not able to believe the lie he was telling himself._ Shit, who am I kidding? They probably found him with his pants down and Red Sand up his nose. No way he survived._

The marine let out a grunt as he rammed his fist into the punching bag one last time, a thin sheen of sweat covering his forehead and soaking through his shirt. His hands ached something fierce and his knuckles were raw, but he didn't care. Doing this—venting his frustrations against a punching bag—was the only thing he could do to keep himself sane.

Licking his lips, he went over to his workstation to grab his drink, guzzling down what little remained. His eyes roamed around the empty shuttle bay as he drank, the feeling of uselessness gripping him once again. All of the other crewmen—including Cortez—were out working on the Mass Relay in one way or another. They needed all the technicians, pilots, engineers, calibrators, and translators they could get. James was none of them.

It had been a week since the _Normandy_ had limped to the Horsehead Nebula's Mass Relay, following Miranda's ship. The only Relay in the Nebula was in the Pax System, not far from the human colony Noveria. Fortunately for them, Noveria was home to some of the most advanced research in the galaxy and close to salarian space. "Eggheads" of all sorts were to be found on the planet, even with a large portion of them missing, having dedicated themselves to the construction of the Crucible. The Illusive Man's base hadn't been too far away either and Miranda had found it to be a treasure trove of useful information.

The Mass Relay had been blown apart but large pieces of it had remained intact by some miracle and various ships were attaching cables to the wayward parts to drag them back into place. A lot of it was done using automated equipment so no one was directly in harm's way, and James had been disgruntled to find that he had to sit on the sidelines and watch as just about everyone else contributed.

As much as he wanted to help, he knew he would only get in the way. As much as he wished to be able to shoot things into place or yell at them to get in line, he couldn't. And he hated it.

Sure, there had been a few things for him to do here and there, but they had all been menial tasks. He didn't mind doing them, because someone had to, but he wanted to do _more_. Never had he thought that being what he was wouldn't be enough. Give him a warzone and he'd clear the area of any enemy resistance. Put him in space where he had to rely on others to do the fighting for him, be it against Reapers or massive constructions means to propel ships through space and he was useless.

Exhaling, he set the empty bottle down and rolled his shoulders. The sensation of restlessness was moving in swiftly, even though he had just finished pushing his body to the limit with his daily exercise. His hands wanted to be busy, his feet wanted to be moving. But was he supposed to do? Think? Pray? Hope?

He furrowed his brow and crossed his arms over his chest, countenance darkening.

He wasn't dumb, but he wasn't some genius either. There was no way he could comprehend what the scientists and technicians were doing to the Mass Relay. He barely grasped the concept of Mass Effect fields and how ships used them to move from point to point—how was he supposed to comprehend the complex mathematics and engineering marvels behind that force?

As for hoping and praying…well, he'd already done plenty of that and been met with mixed results.

Doc—Liara—had been able to locate most of the crew's family. Many people were still missing and presumed dead, like Joker's father and James's own father and uncle, but many others were happily still alive, like Joker's sister Hilary. It had been an anxious day when the Shadow Broker revealed that she had managed to track down almost everyone's relatives, and there had been tears of joy and despair shed as she had doled out her discoveries.

She had not, however, been able to find anything on Shepard. The lack of news on the beloved Commander was a bit disturbing and had unsettled quite a few people; if she was alive why not proclaim it? If she was dead, why not announce it? If she was missing, why not let the galaxy know? Just what in the hell had happened to her? What was the Alliance trying to cover up?

Despite the Commander's MIA status, Kaidan's parents had been located, as had the squad he'd been worried about, everyone alive. Samantha's parents were also reported as among the safe, having been relocated to a colony far away from the main warzone.

Scars' father and sister had made it to the salarian facility his mother was at, both alive and little worse for the wear. James had been happy to see both him and Joker get the news on their families. Everyone was worried about the brittle pilot; the death of EDI and the loss of Shepard were taking their toll on him, perhaps more than anyone else realized. Having his father missing was another added stress, but knowing that his sister was still alive and well seemed to have brightened his spirits.

Joker—much like Garrus—had thrown himself into the repairs on the _Normandy _with such gusto that James had been worried he was going to burn himself out. In truth, he was still pushing himself but he no longer seemed intent on working till he dropped.

James could understand wanting to work until you collapsed, to work until there was no room left to think about past failures or remember the people that you had let down, but thanks to Shepard he had learned that running was only a temporary solution. Eventually you ran out of road and what would you do then?

Thanks to Shepard, he had learned how to confront his grief in a healthy manner. Thanks to Shepard he was growing into the soldier his uncle had always seen in him. Thanks to Shepard he was still alive.

And what was he doing to repay her? Moping around and feeling sorry for being the person he was and not some brainiac scientist. She would more than likely punch him in the face if she saw him now.

Grabbing a towel, James smiled and dabbed at his forehead as he made his way over to the elevator, intent on going to the crew deck and taking a shower.

Oh yes, Shepard would definitely call him out on his depressed mood, so unlike the James Vega that had fought in the Reaper War. Hell, he still couldn't believe it was over. Every once and awhile he would find himself checking over his shoulder, half expecting to see a grey hand shoot out of the darkness and grab him by the throat.

He wasn't the only one like that though.

Everyone was walking like they stood on the edge of a bottomless abyss, despite the Reapers having been destroyed. People still jumped at shadows, still expected one of those giant monsters to come at them from dark space and send them spiraling down into oblivion. It was hard to believe that they were gone.

Even though James had boldly proclaimed his faith in Lola at the meeting—and he had indeed had faith in her— but to just have it end all of a sudden…He was still riding the waves of aftershock. And where the hell was the victorious Commander anyway?

Reaching the elevator, he gingerly tapped in the location for the crew deck and waited for the elevator to arrive.

Really, all in all, there was nothing he could complain about. He was alive and kicking. What more could he ask for? So what if he still woke up with nightmares about being turned into a husk, so what if he still saw the colonists' face in his dreams? He had been given a chance, a chance that very few individuals got. So what the hell was he doing being all moody?

_Yo, Vega. No brooding. That's Scars' job. Cheer up idiota. Everything's gonna be just fine. Lola kicked the Reaper's asses. You've got a future—a future as an N7. So buck up and get to it. _He smiled. _What would Lola say if she saw you like this?_

Images of the Commander flashed through his mind, giving him a warm feeling inside. He'd never let her know it, but he looked to her as his mentor and respected her more than he had anyone else. He wasn't romantically interested in her, despite his repeated attempts at flirting—she was far too much in love with Scars to see anyone else anyways—but he did care about her.

They'd shed blood together, had each other's backs, and she'd been there for him when it mattered most. She was one tough cookie, second to none.

And there was no way in hell that she was dead.

"We're comin' for you Lola, just sit tight."

Feeling slightly better, James stepped into the elevator.

/

"How you can understand any of that, I'll never know," Kaidan said from where he stood beside Miranda, shaking his head in amazement. "I mean…wow."

Miranda looked up from the hologram of the Mass Relay in the War Room she had been scrutinizing, blinking tired eyes. The ex-Cerberus officer had decided to stay on the _Normandy _to have better access to resources, leaving her ship groundside on Noveria. With the _Normandy _almost at full operating capacity, in terms of communication and equipment, it far outclassed her tiny vessel. "Understand what? How the Mass Relays work? It's quite simple, really."

"Is it now?" Kaidan quipped, raising his eyebrows in doubt. "I find that a little hard to believe."

She nodded. "Yes. To put it into simple terms, Mass Relays allow travel by reducing a ship's mass to zero through the use of an electric current applied to a mass effect field. The ship is returned to normal mass upon reaching the desired location. This decrease and increase in mass enables faster travel through the Relays than by way of FTL."

"You call that a simple explanation?" Kaidan laughed, rubbing his forehead. "I think I've got a headache."

"It _is _simple."

Kaidan shook his head, smiling. "Whatever you say Ms. Lawson…"

"Call me Miranda," she corrected, bringing a hand up to her mouth as she smiled back. She leaned back on her left foot, adopting a playful pose. "I know that we barely know each other, but any friend of Shepard's is a friend of mine."

Kaidan chuckled. "Alright then. Miranda it is."

Despite the fact that Miranda was a former Cerberus employee, Kaidan was finding himself quite at ease with her. The two had gotten along smashingly well at Shepard's party and the biotic Spectre was grateful for her presence. Human biotics were a rare thing and it was always nice to be able to talk to one, especially one as talented as Miranda. In truth, he wouldn't mind getting to know her better, but all pleasantries like that had to be set aside for the time being.

A light flashed on the hologram suddenly, drawing both Kaidan's and Miranda's interest. Letting out a sniff of surprise, Miranda brought up her omnitool as the blue display before the pair auto-updated.

"What? What is it?" Kaidan asked. "Did something happen?"

"Yes," Miranda said, her eyes lighting up. "An unexpected but rather opportunistic development." She gave him a hopeful glance. "We should be up and running by the end of next week."

"Seriously? So soon? How is that possible?"

"Well, for one, it's not like we haven't been working on the Relays for just the week you guys have been here," she pointed out. "Remember, while you guys were playing hooky the rest of us were all shedding blood, sweat, and tears to get these things repaired."

"You? Sweat? You're pulling my leg."

Miranda chuckled. "Even perfectly engineered humans sweat, _Mr_. Alenko," she teased.

"Kaidan, if you don't mind."

Miranda bit her bottom lip as she grinned. "Of course. Kaidan."

Kaidan's lips twitched up in another smile, despite his attempt to bring an air of seriousness back to the conversation they were having. "Still…even if everyone's been working on them for four weeks now—a month—it doesn't make sense how everything is coming together so swiftly. It's like…it's like we have outside help or—_oh_." Kaidan stopped short, noticing the smirk on her face. "_They_ have something to do with it, don't they?"

"If by _they _you mean those creatures that created the Reapers, then yes." She folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the console. "It seems that they are just as invested in getting the Relays up and running again as we are."

"Makes sense," Kaidan said, putting his hands on the lip of the projector as he hunched over it. "From what I read in Shepard's report, these…Leviathans…like to have people in their 'thrall'. And now that the Reapers are gone…well…what's to stop them from coming out of hiding?"

Miranda nodded. "Exactly. We know that the Reapers created the Relays, so odds are their creators know how to make them too. They probably built the very first ones as it is. Odds are they are just as dependent on them for transportation as we are."

"Doesn't that worry you? Knowing that the Leviathan are out there on that planet? I mean, if they were intelligent enough to create the Reapers to begin with and have that thrall ability—"

"Slow down, Kaidan," Miranda interjected quickly before Kaidan could get on a roll. "One problem at a time. Besides…I think they've learned their lesson about interfering with other species, don't you think?"

Kaidan shrugged. "We can only hope." His forehead wrinkled as another thought occurred to him. "Wait. How did you know about the Leviathan? Did Shepard tell you? Because I thought that stuff was top secret. I hope that the Alliance hasn't made that common knowledge because I can only imagine the mass hysteria that will break out after the general public comes across that bit of information."

Miranda gave him a mischievous grin, opening her mouth to speak when the doors behind them whooshed open. Both of them spinning around, they saw Garrus enter followed by Liara.

"Garrus," Kaidan said. "I wasn't expecting you back so soon. I take it the calibrations on the Mass Effect fields are finished?"

"Admiral Hackett's on vidcom," was Garrus's terse reply, a strained look on his face that was mirrored on Liara's.

Both Miranda and Kaidan tensed immediately. They had been trying to get a hold of the Admiral for a week, but he had been so mired down with playing diplomat between the various races stuck in the Sol System and coordinating rescue efforts he had been impossible to get through to. Apparently Traynor's message had finally crossed his desk and he'd been able to allot some time to the motley crew.

"Do you want us to leave?" Kaidan asked. "To have some privacy?"

"No," Garrus said. "In fact, he requested that both of you be present."

The biotic humans shared startled looks.

"Both of us?" Miranda asked incredulously.

Garrus nodded. "Both of you."

Kaidan and Miranda exchanged ominous glances before falling into line behind Liara. There was only one thing they could think of that would warrant their immediate attention and put Garrus in such an agitated state.

Shepard.

/

Garrus, Liara, Miranda, and Kaidan all crowded together into the cramped Quantum Entanglement Communications room. Functionality had been completely restored thanks to a concerted effort from Liara and Traynor, finally having access to the equipment required to fix it.

In the message Traynor had composed to the Admiral she had highlighted the important details of the _Normandy's _"vacation" and when he had finally responded back, he had requested that he speak to the acting captain, Garrus, as well as Liara, Miranda, and Kaidan. Why he wanted all four of them had been beyond Samantha and Garrus didn't have a clue either.

So there they all were, bumping elbows and invading each other's personal space as Garrus initiated the connection. Admiral Hackett appeared before them immediately, the transmission a little fritzy but clear enough. Garrus and Kaidan snapped to attention while Liara and Miranda straightened their postures.

"Advisor Garrus Vakarian. Doctor Liara T'Soni. Major Kaidan Alenko. Miranda Lawson. Good to see you're all in one piece," the Admiral said, his stern visage not betraying the relief he supposedly felt.

"Admiral Hackett," Garrus returned the greeting, dipping his head in acknowledgement and relaxing slightly. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Miranda shift uneasily. "Thank you for getting back with us. I understand that you're busy."

Hackett's face was grim. "That I am. Primarch Victus is proving to be quite instrumental in helping keep the peace, as is Wrex Urdnot. Without their efforts, I'm fairly certain that there would be chaos by now."

Garrus felt his mandibles flare out in a smile. Ol' Wrex was still kicking, as was Grunt. He had heard from Liara earlier that their dear friends were still alive and it had been a burden off of his shoulders to know that they had survived the battle for Earth. He'd also heard that Grunt was making a big stink about Shepard being MIA and was even yelling and threatening violence at those that dared to suggest that she had been killed.

A sense of pride had touched Garrus to hear of Grunt's actions, even though Shepard would have scolded him for his roughness. Garrus had often heard her refer to him lovingly as her "big krogan baby". Indeed, she had been a sort of mother to the tank bred, even going so far as to bail him out of C-Sec. Garrus had teased her and said she'd let him off the hook too easily, to which she'd snorted and said that the next time he was in trouble, she'd let Garrus deal with it.

Thinking about Shepard's relationship with Grunt and the discussion they'd had had reminded Garrus of his parting words to her—_"Maybe even find out what a turian-human baby looks like?"_—and sadness had threatened to overwhelm him. His contrasting view with Shepard's on Grunt's actions and how they would each handle the situation had reminded him how much he wanted a life with her, how much he wanted a child. He was game for adoption as she had suggested, but he still wanted to try to have a kid with her, biology be damned. If anyone could make it happen, it was them after all. Shepard was Shepard and Shepard did the impossible. As for himself…well, he was Garrus and Garrus said screw the rules.

"We haven't heard from all systems yet," Hackett was saying as Garrus pulled himself out of his thoughts. "But most of the major Relays—those located near the homeworlds—have all reported in. Progress is slow in some while speedy in others, but it looks like we'll be seeing reconnections starting as early as the middle of next week." He smiled a humorless smile. "If Commander Shepard hadn't assisted found the Leviathan, I don't know where we'd be right now. Their assistance through individuals that have voluntarily agreed to come under their thrall is invaluable."

"People are actually _volunteering_?" Kaidan's voice was high and full of disbelief.

"They are Major. And without their sacrifice, we'd all be sitting where we are for a long, long time."

Kaidan shook his head, letting out a breath. "That's crazy."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," Liara commented morosely. "Surviving the Reapers only to starve to death in a devastated star system is not how I imagine the fleet wants to go out."

"Pardon me," Miranda said, cutting in before another word could be said. "But I'm a little confused as to why my presence was requested. I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm not Alliance, nor have I ever been." She tilted her head. "I know that Shepard made sure I was pardoned using her Spectre influence, but I still don't understand why you'd want a former Cerberus operative present."

"Cerberus is history Ms. Lawson, and the Commander made sure that we understood why you had gone to them in the first place," Hackett said plainly. "Your assistance to Shepard was invaluable, your hand in the downfall of the Collectors impressive, and efforts against the Reapers greatly appreciated. Without your quick thinking, the Illusive Man's base would have never been discovered. You also shut down Sanctuary and saved a lot of lives. Even now you're helping rebuild the Mass Relays with information you were able to decode from the Illusive Man's base. I don't need to question whose side you're on."

Miranda cocked an eyebrow, still not convinced. "I'm glad I was able to help, but what are you getting at?"

"You were the head of the project that brought Commander Shepard back, correct?" Hackett asked.

Miranda nodded slowly, her forehead wrinkling as her eyebrows drew together. "Yes, Project Lazarus. I—wait." Something like shock mixed with relief washed over her fair face. "Shepard. You found her, didn't you?"

Her words caused everyone to snap to attention, the atmosphere in the room becoming rigid with anxious tension. Of course they had all assumed their being called together had something to do with the missing Spectre, but to have Miranda actually say it…

Garrus fought the urge to fall to his knees as time slowed down around him. Shepard. They had found her. They had to have. It made sense, why they wanted Miranda. She had been the key to bringing their beloved Commander back from the dead. It was she who had—

_Oh no._

Garrus's heart nearly stopped as he realized what he had been thinking.

Miranda had brought Shepard back from the _dead._

Miranda.

Brought.

Shepard.

Back.

_Dead._

_But no, Shepard can't be…she just…she can't…no…it can't…it can't be true. Spirits, please, let it not be true._

"If you wouldn't mind, Ms. Lawson, I'd like to bring you into the Alliance officially to head a similar project. You'll have access to adequate funds and we'll make sure that your sister and her adoptive parents are taken care of."

"Of course," Miranda quickly agreed, worry in her voice. "But, I'm not sure if it would work a second time. Please tell me Shepard's not…" Her mouth moved but no words came out, and eventually she sealed her lips shut, a distressed look on her face. Kaidan put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

No one dared speak for a few seconds, the temperature in the room feeling like it had dropped into the single digits as they all digested the information they had been presented.

_This…this doesn't make any sense_, Garrus thought to himself. _If Shepard's dead why not come out and say it? Or why bring her back at all? The Reapers are dead; why would the Alliance revive her? Not that I'm complaining—hell, far from it—but it doesn't make any sense…Why spend all that money when the war is won? Or am I just grasping at straws?_

Garrus was fairly certain that the Admiral didn't know the exact details of his relationship to Shepard, and in an attempt to appear together and in control of the situation, the turian managed to squeak out a question.

It was a question he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to, but one he needed to be answered nonetheless. It was tearing him up inside, this uncertainty. He wanted—no—_needed_ to know the fate of Shepard. She had been his everything ever since she had first stepped her human foot into his life and the thought of a life without her terrified him.

He could do it of course, live without her, but he would be forever scarred beyond repair. There were some things that could never be fixed and while he wouldn't run out to Omega on another suicide mission, he would certainly miss her every day that went by right up until he breathed his last. She had become so integrated into his life, had taken up residence in his heart, had helped shape him into who he was…he would be lost without her.

_That's what love does. Turns a guy like me into a nervous wreck with something to lose and the aim to make sure he doesn't._

"Admiral…what happened to Shepard?"

A/N: It's after five in the morning now, so please excuse any mistakes. I will be going back over this eventually to correct them, as I usually do accidentally skip a word or something, but I felt like I just had to finish this tonight as the action is finally starting to pick up. I was playing the Omega DLC and got fed up with it because that end part is impossible on Insanity ;_; But on the bright side, I got this chapter done.

Also, on the topic of the Omega DLC, the relationship between Aria and Nyreen kind of mirrors the relationship between Shepard and Garrus. Shepard was a mentor to Garrus and Aria a mentor to Nyreen, albeit Shepard's relationship with her turian was healthier than the one Aria ended up having with hers. Aria/Nyreen is the opposite of Shepard/Garrus.

But back on the topic of this fanfic…

What did Hackett want Kaidan and Liara for? Will Shepard die? What about Joker? And the rest of the crew? Jack? Samara? Jacob? Aria? What will the Leviathan do? Stay tuned and find out in future installments of _Incentive_.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I just finished ME 3 on Insanity the other day. Surprisingly, it was super easy. In fact, I had a harder time on normal during my first playthrough! Maybe it's because I play multiplayer on Gold…

/11

"Admiral Hackett, the _Normandy_ is reporting that the Horsehead Relay is operational. They are requesting permission to travel."

Admiral Hackett turned around as the spitting image of Commander Shepard—albeit an older Commander Shepard—walked up to where he stood in front of a holographic display of the Charon Relay. The blue light illuminated his scarred face, making him appear sickly and worn down. Of course, it probably didn't help that he actually _was_ sickly and worn down; he hadn't gotten a good night's sleep since the Reapers had attacked Earth.

"Thank you Rear Admiral Shepard," he said, taking the datapad that the Commander look-a-like offered him. He squinted in the poor light and scanned the request log quickly before handing it back. "Tell the _Normandy _I'll have a slot cleared for them within the next hour."

"Right away, sir," Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard acknowledged, moving to leave.

It was just for a second, but the Admiral saw something flash across her face that made him knit his brow in concern. She was his right hand in this chaos; he needed her in tip-top shape. If there was something bothering her…

Breaking his professional front, Hackett reached for the Rear Admiral, catching her by the arm.

"Hannah," he said, voice low. "I know this has to be rough for you. Your husband, missing. Your daughter, hooked up to that thing…" His cerulean eyes bore into hers, searching for a hint of the emotion he had seen mere seconds ago. "How are you holding up?"

Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard, Commander Shepard's mother, was one of Hackett's oldest and dearest friends. She, along with the Urdnot leader and turian Primarch, had been helping the Admiral maintain control of things during the fleet's unprecedented stay in the Sol System.

It had been nine days since his discussion with the crew of the _Normandy_, nine days in which the Sol System, Pranas system, Parnitha system, and Tikkun system relays had all been fixed. The Charon Relay—Sol System's relay—had been the first to be repaired, and while it had been a slow restoration process taking a little over a month, it had been a great relief to all when it had started to function again.

So as not to overtax the relay system with an overload of ships, the Admiral had set up an arrangement of turn taking, allowing species to return to their homeworlds one ship at a time. Every once and a while they would get a supply ship or a rescue vessel asking for traveling privileges, but other than that, the traffic was slow and steady.

The salarian presence in the Sol System had been largely reduced, as had the asari's, thanks to their systems' relays being repaired shortly after Sol's. The quarian relay had been the fourth to come online, but many of the quarians had remained behind to get the geth ships functioning again. The drawn-out stay in the human's home system had not been a big deal for them; they had spent the last few hundred years living on ships after all. What were a few more weeks?

Still, things were a mess and without Hannah, Hackett wouldn't have gotten a moment's peace of mind.

Already there were complaints about the galaxy's central hub—the Citadel—being in broken pieces over Earth and talks of getting it repaired again. With Earth in ruins and a restless fleet, fixing the Citadel had been the last thing on Hackett's mind, but then that was what Hannah was there for; to think about the things he couldn't.

"I'm fine, Admiral," Hannah Shepard said, though her voice was strained. She give him a flimsy smile and moved her head into better lighting, Hackett noticing as she did so the angry red lines in her eyes.

"Hannah…"

"Steven," she said in a low voice, using his first name. "I'm fine. I _will_ be fine."

Hackett could feel the muscles in her arm tense beneath his fingers as she lied to him, her lips pulled taut as she struggled to keep her face an emotionless mask. She was giving him the _right _response, the response expected of an officer of her rank. It wasn't the response that a wife would give, or one that a mother would, but as it was she wasn't either of them right then; she was an officer of the Alliance. All other concerns had to be put on the back burner, even if they were concerns about her own flesh and blood.

Seeing her like that, so full of pent up passion, made Hackett regret his decision to tell her about her daughter's condition. To be here, bound by duty…it had to be killing her.

It was the reason why Hackett had never settled down, why he had never allowed himself to start a family; he would have never been able to put his job before them. He couldn't even begin to imagine being in Hannah's position, not knowing where her husband was and having to sit by as a bounty hunter and a thief kept watch over her daughter. He couldn't imagine how infuriated she must be, not being able to be at her only child's side, to be stuck on board an Alliance vessel sifting through files of petty arguments and soothing bruised egos.

The details of Commander Shepard's survival were largely being kept under wraps, including her location. Hackett had hoped to not let the news out about her survival until they'd been more knowledgeable about what they were dealing with, but word had gotten out and the rumors had spread like wildfire. Hackett was at the very least grateful that he had been able to tell Hannah firsthand about her daughter and that she hadn't had to find out by gossip, as she had years earlier.

His face holding a grim expression, Hackett reluctantly let go of her arm. Hannah smiled weakly in thanks before turning to leave, the Admiral watching her go. Her shoulders were slumped, as if some heavy burden were weighing her down. She had never before looked or acted her age but now she looked _and_ acted much older than she actually was. It was amazing what one war could do to a person, how much it could suck the very life from them.

Hackett moved his body so he was facing the projector again, a hand going to the nape of his neck to massage sore muscles.

The best of the best were guarding the Commander at least; Hannah didn't have to worry about some assassination attempt. Hackett highly doubted that master thief Kasumi Goto and shoot-first-ask-questions-never Zaeed Massani would let anything happen to the Commander. And if anyone was dumb enough to even _think_ of hurting Grunt's surrogate mother and Wrex's bond sister, well…

Hackett smiled.

Shepard was a fighter, just like her mother. She would survive.

/

"Shepard."

Tiny white specks of dust floated down in place of black ash, a rippling watery surface was her platform instead of the dirt and leaf covered ground, and a deep blue sky had chased away the dead grey.

Shepard looked around at the world she was in, the dampness making her flesh uncomfortably cool all the way down to her very bones. One minute she had been alone in her world of guilt, having finished saying goodbye to Thane and Legion, and then in the next she was here, in the watery prison the ancient beasts had been intent on keeping her in until she had persuaded them otherwise.

"Leviathan."

"You have defeated the Reapers." Leviathan's deep voice rumbled like thunder, encircling the Commander.

"I know," Shepard frowned, searching for a sign of one of the people Leviathan impersonated. "Where are you?"

Ann Bryson suddenly appeared before her, and if Shepard had been anyone else, she would have jumped in surprise. As it was she was startled, but she managed to keep her composure.

"Thanks. I felt a little weird taking to thin air." She gave the Ann impersonator a smirk. "Nice to see that you're still alive."

"You have defeated the Reapers," Leviathan-Ann repeated, expression void of any emotion. "They were right to fear you. Your victories were not a product of chance but by design. The question is…whose design? And for what purpose?"

Shepard shook her head. "They weren't just my victories. They were everyone's. I couldn't have beaten the Reapers without everyone else. Including you."

"…perhaps." A map of the galaxy appeared beside the two and Leviathan-Ann turned its attention to it. "In using the Catalyst to destroy all those with Reaper code, you have rid the galaxy of the Reaper threat once and for all. The harvest has ended."

Shepard's eyes widened.

_Those with Reaper code? EDI…Legion…so that's why…_

"EDI and the geth could have been saved...if not for the Reaper code…" She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. "Damn it. If only I had known…!"

"They were…a necessary sacrifice," Leviathon-Ann said, glancing over at Shepard. "They were synthetic, pale imitations of their creators. Expendable."

Shepard couldn't help but bristle at the Leviathan's flippant attitude towards the synthetics, her hands balling into fists at her sides and teeth clenching together. It more than likely wasn't trying to pick a fight with her and was merely stating its opinion, but it still irked her that it could just shrug off an entire species' extinction, be that species synthetic or organic. Life was life, no matter the form.

"Expendable? Just like the rest of us 'lesser species'?" she ground out, her voice holding a dangerous edge to it. "But didn't you have to rely on us lesser species to clean up your mess? Or is that all we're good for?"

Leviathan-Ann ignored her questions, instead turning its attention back to the map where the path that the red energy beam had traveled was highlighted. "The Relays were damaged by the energy released from the Crucible. We are helping to fix them."

The anger the Commander felt was quickly replaced with alarm at the Leviathan's words. She barely knew anything about the ancient creatures, but when had they ever done anything voluntarily? Hell, she'd had to scare them into making a stand against the Reapers, so why were they suddenly going out of their way to help rebuild? The Leviathan were arrogant and proud and the galaxy was wounded, crippled by the War. It wasn't ready for another fight. If the remaining Leviathan decided to carry on as their predecessors had…

"You aren't seriously thinking of picking up where your forerunners left off, are you?"

Ann Bryson paused, her face contemplative for a change. "…No."

Shepard let out a breath, relieved but still curious. Folding her arms over her chest, she tilted her head to the side in an inquisitive manner. "Then…why help us?"

Ann pivoted so that she was fully facing the Commander, becoming Alex Garneau as she did so. "We are not keen on repeating the mistakes of our ancestors. We are still the apex race however, that will never change."

"…and…?" Shepard prompted, feeling that the Leviathan was holding something back.

Leviathan-Alex and the map vanished, Sherpard whirling around as the Leviathan's voice sounded from behind her.

"We are curious as to what made this cycle so unique," Leviathan-Alex continued. "We want to understand why our ancestors were powerless against the Reapers—their own creations—when you—a lesser species—were able to rise up and defeat them."

"'You' as in the galaxy as a whole, right?" Shepard asked. "Or do you mean me, specifically?"

"Both," the Leviathan answered. "Our studies of the makeup of this cycle are far from completion. Thanks to your pursuit of our kind and the War, we are behind schedule."

Shepard bit back the scathing retort that wanted to leave her lips. What the Leviathan saw as an inconvenience had been in reality the difference between life and death for the rest of the galaxy.

"At least you'll have all the time you need to complete your studies now," she pointed out. "Plus you can do them yourselves without having to enthrall anyone."

Alex Garneau vanished, and Dr. Bryson's assistant, Derek Hadley, materialized directly in front of her. The Leviathan was clearly displeased at the suggestion that they do their experimenting themselves, as Derek's facial expression contained the faintest hints of disapproval.

"You are an anomaly that we do not understand," Leviathan-Derek said darkly. "That is why we keep you alive. Do not question our methods."

"Your methods? Screw your methods!" Shepard exclaimed, her temper finally getting the better of her. She pointed an accusing finger at Derek. "Your methods have had you in hiding for thousands of years!" She gripped Derek Hadley's shoulders, pity mixed with fury roaring in her eyes. "The Reapers are gone! You don't have to hide anymore! If you're really that curious about the galaxy that exists today, then talk to us. There is so much we could learn from you!"

Leviathan-Derek didn't so much as flinch at her fiery display, though his mien did morph into one of disgust. "You would have us commune with your kind? The lesser species?"

Shepard hung her head heaved a sigh. The Leviathan were too arrogant, not that she could completely blame them. They were indeed powerful creatures, but what good would their power do them if they it hidden away? Sure, they would have to learn how to get along with those they considered inferior if they left the comfortable depths of Despoina, but was it really all that bad? Weren't they comrades at the very least? Victims of the Reapers' mission?

_No, they're too proud to see us as anything more than tools. No matter what we've suffered, no matter how many we've both lost…our lives are worth less than theirs._

"Forget it…" she muttered under her breath, feeling slightly foolish.

Who was she to tell them what to do anyway? They had held up their end of the bargain; they had helped destroy that which they had created. If they didn't want to take a more active role in the galaxy, who was she to blame them? They were fixing the Relays too, shouldn't that be good enough?

She was a great orator and could sell one hell of a convincing argument, but it seemed that even she couldn't persuade the millennia old creatures to give up their way of life. There would be others that would come after her, no doubt. Now that the Leviathan's existence had been made known, there would be those that sought them out. It would be a battle fought by those individuals, not her. She'd fought enough as it was anyway, she didn't have to win this war. She'd gotten their help when it mattered most and as long as they didn't go around enthralling every person they came across, there was still a future full of potential for all species—lesser or greater.

Letting go of Derek Hadley, she stepped back a few paces. There were other things she had to think about anyway.

"What do you mean you're keeping me alive?"

Another abrupt change of bodies was made, and once again Ann Bryson appeared. She was a little to Shepard's left and the Commander had to turn to see what image had been conjured with her this time. She narrowed her eyes, focusing on the hazy projection, and let out a gasp.

_No…that can't be…_

"Is that…?"

"This is your body, Commander," Leviathan-Ann informed her. "We are using the creatures—keepers I believe you call them—to keep you alive."

Shepard's heart dropped as she staggered over to stare at the image. The damage done to her body was worse than she had imagined; she was one giant bruise, dry blood painting her skin and charred armor. Her arms rested at her sides, a bit of bone poking through the skin here and there, giving her a ghastly appearance. She couldn't imagine what the internal damage was like, nor did she want to know.

"What…how…why…?" she sputtered, feeling sick to her stomach.

_Oh god…_

"It was simple, really," Leviathan-Ann said. "One of our orbs was present on the Citadel when the Reapers took over. It was easy for us to take over such a weak-willed species as the keepers. We tasked them with constructing a device to serve as your life support, something they did quite efficiently and swiftly." If Shepard hadn't known better, she could have sworn she heard a hint of admiration in Leviathan's voice. "As for why…" Leviathan-Ann turned to look at her. "You know why."

"Because I'm an anomaly?"

Leviathan-Ann nodded. "We want to know why you, out of the countless number of beings that have inhabited this galaxy, were chosen to bring about the Reapers' demise." Ann's head tilted to the side slightly, Leviathan using her brown eyes to search the Commander's. "Tell us, Commander…do you know why?"

"No, I don't," Shepard admitted without hesitation. "Losing just wasn't an option."

Leviathan-Ann looked at her with uncertainty, as if it almost didn't believe her ignorance on the subject, but said nothing.

In truth, Shepard would have liked to know why she had triumphed where so many others had failed too. Humans were still considered newcomers on the galactic front; what made them—her—so special?

"The choice is now up to you, Commander," Leviathan said after a minute. "We have done what we can, but whether or not you live is up to you now. We cannot force you to live if you do not want to; if your wish to join those that have gone before you, so be it. But if you desire to remain amongst the living…" Leviathan-Ann gave Shepard an expectant gaze. "…then you must make it so. You must…will it."

Shepard's brow knit together in a frown even though the muscles in her face were tugging the edges of her lip up into a smile. It seemed that not even the Leviathan could force her to live if she did not want to.

Her body was mangled, broken in a thousand different ways. Even with her cybernetics and Cerberus gifted implants, it would be one hell of a road to recovery. It would take weeks—months even—of physical therapy, of struggling to stand and falling down. She would be reliant upon others, helpless. And Commander Shepard, the first human Spectre, hero of the Citadel, savior of the galaxy, didn't _do_ helpless.

The Leviathan had kept her alive thus far and her mind was sound, so now the only question was…

_Is it worth it?_

Shepard pursed her lips as the thought echoed around inside her mind.

All the pain, all the time spent in a hospital, all the recuperating and being unable to do a damn thing to help herself…

_Is it worth it?_

She suddenly became aware of the way her chest was moving, of the way the blood was pumping through her veins. Here, in her mind, she was whole, at full operating capacity. Out there she was a mess, shattered.

She had been dealing with the mental trauma that had come about as a side-effect of the war, but never once had she once stopped and really considered the hell she was putting her physical body through.

_Can I do this?_

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, a million different sensations rushing forth out of the depths of her mind.

The sadness at the growing list of the dead.

The frustration with the Council.

The horror of being spaced.

The quiet of death.

The confusion of life.

The joy of saving one person.

The guilt of losing another.

The adrenaline rush of fighting to survive.

The agony of saying goodbye.

The strength of her friends.

The beauty of forgiveness.

They were all wonderful feelings, all special and unique and intense. But there was one thing she felt more strongly than the rest, one thing that stood out that terrified yet thrilled her.

"_Forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you…Come back, alive. It'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you."_

Shepard's lips finally curled up in a smile and she let out a snort, eyes still closed.

Love.

The strongest emotion of all…love.

A delightful chill crept over her skin and snaked down her spine as she remembered Garrus, her best friend, her lover, her soul mate, touching her everywhere, laughing as his mandible poked her in the cheek, confiding in her about his deepest fears, and, most of all…loving her unconditionally.

She wanted to be with him again, wanted to hold his hand in hers. She wanted to poke fun at his awkwardness, dance with him, play with him, hug him. She wanted to feel him inside of her, wanted him to wrap his arms around her and kiss away her worries.

Why had Ash, Mordin, Thane, and Legion bothered to come to her in her nightmare-world if she was just going to give up here? What was the point of their support, their words of encouragement and forgiveness, if she just let herself die now?

Hadn't Ash told her to live a full life? Hadn't Mordin told her that she still had so much potential? Hadn't Thane thanked her for giving his son and the generations to come a future? Hadn't Legion thanked her for giving synthetics a chance to prove to the galaxy that they were more than just software?

She deserved this, goddammit, she deserved to live. She deserved to have a life, to grow old, to be happy. She wanted to be with those she cared about; she wanted to be with her mother, her father, her crew, and Garrus.

_Yeah…definitely worth it._

Still grinning, she opened her eyes. "I've got a few incentives to stay alive."

She was Commander Shepard, the redeemed butcher of Torfan, hero of the Citadel, and savior of the galaxy.

_I can do this._


	12. Chapter 12

/12

They were heading back to Earth. After nearly a month and a half, they were _finally_ heading back. Back to where it had all ended.

_No…not where it all ended…where it all began._

Garrus looked out at the newly reconstructed Mass Relay as a thrill of anticipation ran through him. There were many things waiting for him on the opposite side of that relay—death, destruction, sadness—but most of all, _she _was.

"We've been given the go ahead to take the _Normandy_ through," Joker said, his hands moving rapidly across the orange holographic display in front of him. He paused just long enough to look back at the acting Captain. "Waiting on your command, sir."

A wave of sympathy for Joker swept through Garrus as he looked down at him; the hat the pilot wore did little to hide the dark bags under his eyes and the red veins that crisscrossed through the milky white of his sclera. Garrus wanted to reach out and rest a comforting hand on his shoulder but resisted. Joker had made it clear that he did not want to talk about EDI and had isolated himself from the crew, talking little and doing his duties silently and diligently until someone had come along to relieve him.

Like Garrus had when he had first heard of Shepard's death all those years ago and when he had thought he had lost Shepard yet again to the Reaper War, Joker was burying himself in his work, avoiding those he cared for and that cared for him so he would not be faced with the harsh reality that someone he cherished, someone he _loved_, was gone. It was perhaps dumb logic to avoid those that might best comfort you, but Garrus understood.

Still, he wished that he could do something for him. He knew that anything he said or did at that point would just be rubbing salt in an open wound. When he'd lost himself in the murkiness of Omega, when he'd wanted to disappear completely, he hadn't wanted a kind word or encouraging hand, he'd wanted _revenge_. But revenge against whom? It had been the question that had plagued him then and the question that plagued Joker now.

The crew had had a few weeks to adjust to the idea of a galaxy without geth and EDI, and while some of the them, namely those that hadn't had many interactions with Legion or EDI, had recovered fairly quickly, others—like Joker, Garrus, and Tali—hadn't.

To be honest, Garrus was of mixed opinions on the destruction of the geth. Yes, he had been sad to hear that they had been sacrificed to stop the war. Yes, Shepard had brokered peace between them and the quarians. Yes, Legion—and EDI for that matter—had truly been alive, self-aware. But one did not simply erase three centuries worth of grief at the snap of a finger, just as one did not come to fully accept that something that had once been a thoughtless VI was suddenly a true AI and that that AI had a _soul_.

True, the geth hadn't moved against organics until the Reapers had gotten hold of them, but they had been the instruments used against organics in the opening days of the war, and many lives had been lost to them. But hadn't they lost just as many? Hadn't they been unwilling pawns as well? Reaperfied not superficially, but internally?

In the end Garrus supposed it didn't matter; the geth had helped them all. They had been allies, comrades, _friends_. And that was reason enough to mourn them.

"Garrus?"

Garrus took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, his mandibles spreading in a grin as he pushed depressing thoughts to the back of his mind. With everything that had happened, with everyone that had been lost…wasn't it time to start looking forward and planning ahead? Wasn't it time to start living the life they had so desperately fought for?

Opening his eyes, he looked down at Joker and noticed that there was a spark in his eye that hadn't been there before. Garrus knew that the spark was mimicked in his own eyes and another rush of adrenaline surged through him, making his heart skip a beat.

As bad as things had been and still were, there was a bit of good.

_She _was still alive. _She _was waiting for them. And they weren't about to let her down.

Even though Hackett had told them that she was just barely clinging to life, that her body was horrendously mutilated and broken, that she was hooked up to some weird machine constructed by the Keepers, that was good enough for Garrus. He knew that it was by sheer determination that she had stayed with him in this world, that it was because she loved him that she wasn't about to leave just yet. He felt selfish for he knew that she would be in great pain when she awoke, but he was just so grateful that she had survived. He was just so utterly floored by the fact that she had done the impossible and had returned to him that it was hard to think of the bad.

He had been in a daze since learning she had lived, working with gusto—as had everyone else upon hearing news of their beloved Commander's survival—to get the relay back in working order, fueled this time not by sorrow but by an eagerness to see her again.

_Shepard…We're coming to save you…_I'm_ coming to save you. Hold on._

Clearing his throat, Garrus straightened his posture and looked out the forward window at the blue mass of energy that would propel them through space.

"Take us in."

/

Miranda, Kaidan, Liara, and Garrus huddled next to the _Normandy's_ air lock as the frigate hooked up with a makeshift port on the Citadel. The immense structure was still in ruins, though there had been a few attempts to rein in the rogue pieces. Special attention had been given to one section however; it was the section that Miranda had logically—and correctly—deduced contained the Commander and the section with which they were docking.

Everyone was nervous and jumpy; Tali, James, Javik, Cortez, Traynor, Chakwas, and just about every other crewmember that had served under Shepard had wanted to take part in her rescue, but had understood that such a large party would have been illogical. The four that had been selected to go—Miranda, Kaidan, Liara, and Garrus—had been selected because of Miranda's familiarity with Shepard's body, Liara because of her knowledge of ancient languages that may need deciphering, Kaidan because he was the Alliance representative and close friend of the Commander's, and Garrus because he was acting captain of the _Normandy _(and even though Hackett didn't know it, Shepard's boyfriend).

After dropping them off, Joker had been ordered to rendezvous with Admiral Hackett's ship and let the crew that remained disembark while the _Normandy _was attended to by professionals. It would be out of commission for a while, as it had barely been able to limp to the Mass Relay, giving the crew ample time to sort through any personal business they had. Tali, being an Admiral of the quarian fleet, was eager to get in touch with her people, but had been adamant in insisting that Garrus tell her of Shepard's condition as soon as possible.

"Are you guys ready for this?" Miranda asked as the airlock hissed. Her long fingers were twisting together apprehensively, the muscles in her face straining.

Garrus looked over and down at the raven haired woman, taking note of the grim look in her eyes. All the excitement and joy that had been in them a mere hour ago was gone, chased away by the seriousness of their mission. The life of the Commander was resting in her hands again, except now she had the added difficulty of being emotionally attached. No one would blame her if she failed, though Garrus worried that the biotic would take it extraordinarily hard.

That being said, there was no room for error; they all had to detach themselves from the situation, think with level heads. It was no time to be flying off the handle or making stupid mistakes. Garrus had been surprised at how easily he had been able to slip into an emotionless state, though he doubted he would be able to keep it up once he saw her. How could he? She was his everything, his honey, his sweetie, the love of his life, his Commander, his Shepard.

Kaidan was the first to respond to Miranda's question, his husky voice lower than normal, his expression a barely controlled mask of indifference. "Yeah. I'm ready. Let's do this."

"I am ready too," Liara piped up. "However…" She hesitated, temple creasing considerably. "I cannot say that I am not worried."

"Same here," Miranda admitted, giving the asari a humorless smile. "Those readings that Kasumi sent me are strange. I'm not exactly sure what's going on, but…I think I can get Shepard out of there alive. No, I'm _positive_ I can. I have to." She pulled her lips into a tight line, jaw set and tense. "Dr. Michel is on standby with a crash cart, just in case. Once I've got her out of that thing and stabilized…"

"We get her the hell out of there," Garrus growled.

Miranda nodded. "Correct. Dr. Michel also has a stretcher waiting. We'll need to get her on that and back to Admiral Hackett's vessel as fast as we can."

It was risky, but they had no other choice. Despite Miranda's plan, which she had gone over hundreds of times, there was no guarantee that removing Shepard from the Keeper device wouldn't kill her.

The airlock door finally slid open, effectively killing the conversation as the finality of the task dawned on them. As they silently crossed the threshold into the devastated Citadel—of which they didn't have the mental capacity to notice much of as their minds were filled with much more important things—the sound of boots clicking across the broken floor with an occasional muffled curse caught their attention.

"Jack," Garrus blinked as his eyes adjusted to the brighter lighting. "What are you doing here?"

Jack, decked out in her Grissom Academy teacher's uniform—if one could call it that— and none the worse for the wear, huffed and rolled her eyes as if the answer was obvious. "I heard Shepard's ass is on the line. I'm here to help, obviously."

"Yes, obviously," Miranda chortled. "Because _you_ know all about the Keeper's mysterious life device and how it's keeping Shepard alive." She raised an eyebrow in amusement and disbelief, hand on her hip in a judgmental pose. "I didn't know they taught that in Cerberus biotic facilities. Who knew?"

Jack scowled and pointed a finger at the ex-Cerberus officer. "Who said I was talking to you, Cheerleader?" she sneered. "Good to see you managed to hold your own out there without someone to save your ass. Not that I would have."

"It's good to see you too, Jack."

"Yeah, yeah."

It wouldn't be obvious to an outsider, but the two powerful biotics really were glad to see each other. They'd had their differences in the past, but they had been able to work through their personal distaste for each other and become close friends thanks to Shepard.

"I hate to break up this little reunion," Liara interjected from beside Garrus. "But we have a Commander to save." She looked at the punk biotic. "We were told that we would be meeting with Dr. Michel in a relief camp."

"Fine. I was getting tired of this touchy-feely shit anyway. Come on, follow me."

/

It was a quick trek to the relief camp, despite the lack of a sidewalk and the numerous jagged edges of buildings poking up out of the rubble just waiting to impale them. Jack, in her impatience, simply shoved aside anything large that got in their way. Kaidan, who had never worked with her and hadn't really interacted with her at Shepard's party, was a bit startled by her ferocity.

When the group finally reached the relief camp, a young medic had scurried out from the large tent to inform them that Dr. Michel had gone on ahead.

"She said Ms. Nought knew the way," he had said. "So she decided to get everything prepped for your arrival and left a few minutes ago."

Jack had received a few curious looks, as "Ms. Nought" could only refer to her and why she was going by that nobody knew, but she had ignored them and pressed on.

After a few minutes of walking, they reached a strange entrance that none of them had seen before, the smell of decay wafting out from it.

"There was a fuckton of bodies in there," Jack had explained as the group had moved into the dimly, red lit corridor. "The bugs cleaned 'em out. Still smells like shit though."

If everyone hadn't been anxious, they might have cared about the stench, and if they hadn't been preoccupied they—especially Garrus who had worked for C-Sec—might have been wondering how such a place had been missed on the schematics of the Citadel. As it was, they didn't care where they were going or what the larger implications of such a strange corridor were, nor did they care about the large chasm they jogged across. Only one thing was on their mind and one thing alone—Shepard. When she was safe, there would be time to process everything else.

"Took you lot fucking long enough. Where the hell have you been?"

Garrus looked up at the top of the hill they were ascending. Zaeed was standing at the top, arms crossed over his muscular chest, a frustrated and relived expression on his scarred face.

"Can it, Zaeed," Jack yelled. "I got them here as fast I could."

"I wasn't talking to you, sweetheart. I was talking to them." He nodded his head at the four.

"Sorry, Zaeed," the turian apologized, mandibles flaring out in a smile. "We took a little, ah, vacation." He and the Blue Suns founder had bonded at Shepard's party, discussing ways to weaponize her apartment during the calms. It was one thing to hear that someone had survived and another to actually see them, attitude and all.

Zaeed guffawed, his chest puffing out with the effort. "Heard about that. Some tropical place, wasn't it? Hell of a lot better than where the rest of us have been stuck. Lucky bastard."

Before Garrus could point out that having no communications, a dead drive core, and waning supplies were not included in his idea of a being a "lucky bastard", someone from behind Zaeed called to him, grabbing his attention.

"Yeah, they're here Kasumi, so stop your screeching," Zaeed yelled, looking over his right shoulder. "Yeah! They're walking up the fucking hill as we speak! So give them a goddamn second!" He paused, listening again. "What's that? Oh shut the hell up! I was not acting like a mother hen a week ago!" He huffed and narrowed his eyes, looking back at Garrus. "Women."

Miranda exchanged an unreadable look with Liara, who, even though was technically monogendered, identified as female. Garrus had seen that look before; it was something that Shepard had often used and that crossed the species gap as something that all women could understand.

"Don't listen to Zaeed," Kasumi said, suddenly decloaking from beside Kaidan, causing the poor biotic to jump. "He's been worried sick about Shep."

"How the heck did you get down here so fast?" Kaidan asked, bewildered. "Weren't you just…?"

"Best not to question it," Kasumi tittered, looking the Spectre over from head to toe. "And is it just me, or have you gotten even more muscular?"

"Kasumi!" Miranda chided.

"Oh, hey Miri. Good to see you."

"Kasumi, we have a job to do…"

"Right, right, of course. Sorry. I'm just nervous. This is how I deal with nervous. Just ask Shepard. Or Dr. Michel. Or Zaeed."

"God, don't fucking ask me…" Zaeed grumbled. "I try not to think about you when I don't have to."

"Hey!" Kasumi exclaimed. "I'm not _that _bad. Would you have rather been stuck with a volus?"

"I can shoot a walking potato and not feel guilty about it, so, yes."

The gravity of the situation notwithstanding, it was nice to have the thief and the bounty hunter back. Not only had they voluntarily been guarding the Commander and keeping her safe, but they were part of the _Normandy _family that she had created. To see them alive and well was heartening and gave Garrus extra courage. There was strength in numbers, and even though all the strength in the world couldn't keep Shepard breathing, it was comforting to be surrounded by so many familiar faces.

"Well there are no volus here, so no guns are necessary," Liara reminded the merc.

"Shame," Zaeed sighed. "Jessie still has a few rounds left in her too…"

Jack rolled her eyes.

As the group crested the hill, several things stood out to Garrus. The first thing was the enormity of the room they were now headed towards (just where in the Citadel were they exactly?), the second was the amount of cables and wires hanging from the ceiling and running across the floor, and the third…

"Shepard!" the cry tore itself from his throat before he could stop it. Adrenaline pumped through him, his heart beating so fast that he thought it would explode. A lump had formed in his throat and his limbs were numb, all of the reserve he'd managed to muster, all of the calm he'd been forcing himself to feel, flying out the window.

In the center of the room they were headed towards in what appeared to be a modified sleeper pod laid Shepard. Even at a distance he could make her out, his keen blue eyes detecting every detail. Her eyes were closed, chest barely moving. The fading yellow-green of numerous bruises covered her exposed skin, deep lacerations and a few bullet wounds carved into her flesh. A Keeper's legs were seen poking out from behind the pod from where numerous tubes and IV lines that were embedded in her skin were hooked. She was a mess to say the least, but at least she was in one piece, alive.

This was it, the moment he had been waiting for. He had been praying to the Spirits, begging them for mercy. He had been keeping up his faith in her, had been trusting in the fortune she always seemed to find. And he was terrified.

Dr. Michel had been standing beside the pod when they'd entered, taking readings and jotting down notes, and was now talking to the group but Garrus didn't hear her. His mind had gone blank, all knowledge on how to communicate temporarily forgotten.

He wanted to shoot himself in the leg to make sure it wasn't all a dream. He'd been perfectly capable of believing this was reality when he was back on the _Normandy_ but now, now…

"Garrus, you ok?"

Garrus let out a breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding. Dr. Michel was still talking, except now he could understand her, and Kaidan was looking at him in concern.

"Are you ok?" the biotic Spectre repeated again, eyes searching the turian for any signs of distress.

Garrus pressed his mandibles to face, glancing back at Shepard's broken body.

No, he wasn't ok, but he was at the same time. Like the battle before the Reapers, it was all coming down to one moment, to one person. And there was nothing he could do. He was ok because she was still there, still alive, still breathing, but he wasn't ok because what happened next was beyond his control. He couldn't fight for her, couldn't snipe any enemy this time around with his gun.

He had to trust in science, had to have belief in things he couldn't see.

And it terrified him.

"No," he admitted, attention back on Kaidan. "No, I'm not ok. Shepard is…" His mouth moved, but no words came out. The pain in his chest was crippling and he wanted nothing more than to run to her and rip her away from the Keeper device.

Kaidan dipped his head. "Yeah. I know. Hurts, doesn't it? Seeing her like that?" His eyes softened. "It's…not right. But that's what we're here for. We're going to save her, Garrus. She's waited for us—for you—all this time. She's not going to give up now." He smiled. "This is Shepard we're talking about."

_Shepard…_

Memories of the Commander flashed through his head. He remembered first meeting her, tracking down Dr. Saleon with her, defeating Saren, saying goodbye, hearing of her death, being lost in pain, being rescued by her on Omega, joining together for the first time, surviving an impossible mission, finding her again on Menae, watching her become the galaxy's best and final hope…

But most of all, he remembered falling in love with her. He remembered being entranced by her aura, by the strength and confidence she had exuded. She had burned brightly, been more brilliant than any star. She was the eighth wonder of the galaxy, a force to be reckoned with. And he had been lucky enough to fall into her grace, to have gotten to experience her love.

There was no way she was dying now.

Garrus finally returned the smile, his mandibles pulling away from his face.

Shepard would be fine. He was there and he wasn't about to let anything bad happen to her. They would find a way, Miranda would save her. And he'd be there, waiting. Even if it took an eternity.

"Garrus…are you ready?"

Garrus looked up, Liara, Miranda, Jack, Kasumi, Zaeed, and Dr. Michel all staring at him. They all knew how precious Shepard was to him, and in that moment he realized just how precious she was to them and how much they cared about him as well. Unlike Shepard's first death, he wasn't alone this time.

Nodding, he held his head high. "Let's save Commander Shepard."


	13. Chapter 13

/13

Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard stared out at the stars. She was in her cabin, leaning against the window that afforded her a brilliant view of the blackness of space, the destroyed Citadel, and her home planet. It was spectacular, evanescent even. It was peaceful and bright, hopeful and optimistic. But something was off.

She swallowed hard, relaxing the arm she had propped up above her head. Turning back towards her desk, she slowly walked over and picked up the glowing datapad that had been brought to her twenty minutes earlier. It was full of things to attend to—egos that needed nursing, wounds that needed healing, and an ever growing list of repairs—but she could only focus on one thing. Her daughter.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, she returned the datapad to its resting position, picked it up again, and then dropped it roughly back down on the desk.

These thoughts, these feelings…they were unbecoming of an officer in the face of such a crisis. Granted, the Reapers had been destroyed—thanks to _her_ daughter—but there was still an army to take care of. Tensions were running high and people were still jumping at shadows. Reports of the found and the lost were continuously pouring in, and there were many tears to dry and mourners to comfort. She'd had to give several officers news of their loved ones' whereabouts, and more times than not, it had been bad news.

_We may have won the war, but at what cost?_

Her tired, bloodshot eyes looked back out the window. But it was not the stars she saw anymore. It was the faces of her crew—many of them her friends—as they had come to terms with who had been lost. Some had lost brothers and sisters, others parents, some children, and the most unlucky had lost it all. It had killed her a little inside to see the happiness drain from their eyes, to watch them stagger away to cry in private or drink until they could feel no more. She knew what it felt like, to lose someone precious. She knew what it was like to get the news of your own flesh and blood having been killed. She had lost her daughter once after all, nearly three years ago.

_But she didn't stay dead, did she? _Hannah mused quietly to herself. _She came back, got a second chance at life. How many people can say that?_

She felt something—guilt?—at the relief that coursed through her veins. True, her daughter was hooked up to some Keeper contraption, but she was alive. Goddammit, she was _alive_. After everything Hannah had witnessed, after all the blood spilled on behalf of her orders, her daughter had survived. Her husband's status was still unknown, but at that point in time all she could think about was her daughter and how lucky she was. She didn't have to grieve this time around, she didn't have to go through the feeling that her world had been pulled out from beneath her feet and left her free-floating in space. She didn't have to face that giant ache in her soul, knowing that her one and only child was dead.

Her heart skipped a beat, and she closed her eyes, resting a hand on her chest.

Her daughter wasn't out of the woods yet, but Hannah had faith that she would survive. A team of the best had been assembled to save her; the woman that had originally brought her back from the grave, the second human Spectre, a brilliant asari archeologist, and the turian that had been with her on her three life-changing voyages. Dr. Chakwas was setting up the needed medical equipment on the ship Hannah was temporarily serving on under Admiral Hackett, and Dr. Michel was overseeing things on the Citadel to make sure the transfer went smoothly. Her daughter had even had three people watching out for her while she lay between life and death—a mercenary, a thief, and the most powerful human biotic the galaxy had ever seen. And if that wasn't enough, an entire clan of krogans was singing sweet songs of victory about the unflappable Commander Shepard.

_You've certainly lived quite a life, haven't you? _Hannah Shepard smiled to herself, the wrinkles around her eyes making her seem older than her actual years. It seemed like just yesterday she had held her newborn daughter in her arms, whispering tales of greatness and telling her stories of ancient kings and queens. She wanted nothing more than to return to those times, to just scoop her daughter up in her arms and shield her from all harm, kissing away the boo-boos and chasing away the nightmares.

_You have become a legend, my child. They will sing songs of your bravery for years to come, centuries perhaps._ _I wonder…_Hannah paused, a contemplative look coming over her face. _…did you know, back when you dreamed dreams of fighting monsters from the void, that you would one day do just that? Did you know that one day you would end a cycle that has brought millions of great civilizations to their knees? Did you know…?_

She snorted and shook her head, embarrassed at the ridiculousness of her ideas.

_No, of course you did not know. But still…to do just that which you once dreamed of doing…how coincidental is that?_

Before she could meditate any further, there was a chiming noise at her door.

"Come in," she said, looking at the entrance to her quarters.

The door quickly drew back to reveal Admiral Hackett.

"Admiral Hackett!" she said, hurriedly adopting a pose of professionalism. "I apologize for not having a report to you sooner, sir. If you could—"

"Dr. Michel's ship has docked," he cut her off.

All the color drained from Hannah's face and the earlier confidence she'd felt evaporated. She barely dared to breathe.

"Is my daughter…?" Her mouth was dry, her throat closing on her. She felt like she was having an out of body experience all of a sudden, and everything felt unreal and far away.

Admiral Hackett did something he rarely did—smile.

"Her vitals are weak, but she's hanging in there."

Hannah let out a breath that she hadn't been aware she'd been holding. The numbness that had temporarily overtaken her began to recede, and she felt dizzy. Pressing a clammy hand to her forehead, she breathed deeply. "Thank God."

"Hannah, you should be there."

The Rear Admiral blinked. "With all due respect sir, I can't just abandon my responsibilities. She's my daughter, but I still have a duty to perform for you and this fleet." Her eyes softened. "Just knowing that she's ok…that's enough for me."

Despite her reassuring words, Hackett would have none of it. Walking over to her in a few quick strides, he placed his large hands on her shoulders, forcing her to stare right into his steel-blue eyes. "Hannah. You're going to work yourself to death at this rate. Everyone has taken a few days off to relax and compose themselves, except for you. Now take a break and be with Commander Shepard; she needs you right now more than we do." He pulled his thin lips into another smile. "That's an order."

Hannah weakly returned the smile, still feeling a bit out of it. She was not in the mood to argue, and quite frankly, he was right. "Thank you, sir."

"Don't mention it."

/

"How do her vitals look?" Miranda asked as they hurried the stretcher down the hall. Kaidan and Garrus were doing the actual pushing while Miranda and Dr. Michel switched between their omnitools and the monitors connected to Shepard. The only two missing from the group were Kasumi and Zaeed—Kasumi because she didn't want to be recognized by any of the scientists on board and Zaeed because "fuckin' hospitals" made him "queasy."

Dr. Michel squinted, checking one of the monitors attached to the bed. "Temperature is holding at 96 degrees Fahrenheit, blood pressure low, pulse is 44."

"The Keepers have been able to keep the Commander in remarkably good shape, considering the circumstances," Liara commented as she trotted along.

Jack, who was running ahead of the group shouting obscenities at anyone who happened to get in their way, glanced back with a scowl on her face. "Remarkably good shape my ass. Did you not _see _the amount of fuckin' blood that came out of her when those tubes in her back came out? She looks like hell!"

Liara flushed. "Yes. But considering the fact that the Commander is alive without the use of any of our technology, I'd say that qualifies as the Keepers being good caretakers. And it wasn't _all_ blood."

Jack snorted and rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to the front of the little brigade.

"Wait, do you mean to tell me that the Keepers were somehow able to intravenously supply Shepard with all the nourishment she needed without help?" Kaidan asked, breathless. "How did they know what to do?"

Dr. Michel answered instead of Liara. "That is exactly what she means; though don't ask me how they were able to secure such materials. When I was first brought to the Commander, I was worried that I'd find nothing but skin and bones. I was surprised to see that despite her obvious wounds, she was nutritionally sound."

"So you just let the Keepers do their thing with her? Nothing there was of human design?"

She nodded. "There was no need for any of my equipment. I was afraid that if I tried to intervene, it would stress both the Keepers and the Commander." Her lips pulled into a thin line. "All I could do was watch over her. It was…frustrating to not be able to do my job." She glanced at Garrus next, pulling an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Garrus. I wish I could have done more. You and the Commander saved me all those years ago and this is how I repay you."

Garrus shook his head. He had barely spoken since they'd released Shepard from the confines of the Keeper device. "No, you did what you thought was right," he reassured the redheaded doctor. "There was nothing more that you could have done."

Dr. Michel blushed. "Thank you."

Garrus offered her a small smile, a conversation he'd had with Tali months ago coming back to him. They had been on a mission to infiltrate a geth dreadnought, and Garrus had noted with optimism how the _Normandy_ would be better stocked with food he could eat now that there was another dextro on board.

"_Dr. Michel did get me some dextro-amino chocolate," he had said. "You're welcome to it once we're back."_

"_She got you turian chocolate?" Tali had asked, her tone one of surprise._

"_She said she saw it and thought of me. Why?"_

"_Watch yourself, Shepard."_

Tali's words had held a teasing quality to them, and only now did Garrus understand what she had meant.

A small pang of longing swelled within his chest, causing him to swallow hard. Even though those had been dark days, he missed them. The running, the gunning, the excitement, the victory…It had been fun. He didn't miss the death and destruction, but he did miss the feeling of comradery. He missed the thrill of a firefight, the bite of bullets, and the adrenaline of making daring last-minute rescues. But most of all he missed Shepard.

_But she's here, she's safe, and she's going to be alright, _he reminded himself as they rounded another corner, crewmembers of Hackett's ship flattening themselves against the wall to allow the team to pass through unheeded. _Miranda won't let anything happen to her. She knows her body almost as well as I do._

The last thought made his mandibles flare out in embarrassment; Miranda knew Shepard's body on a medical and scientific basis. He knew Shepard's body on a more _personal_ and _intimate _level. He highly doubted that the Cerberus officer knew where Shepard liked to be touched and where she didn't, what actions made her cry out in pleasure or moan in ecstasy. That was something only he and he alone knew. He was still learning the little ticks of her body, still picking up on her human habits, but he knew her far better than most did, had seen a side of her only a select few had.

"We're almost there!" Kaidan announced. He gave Garrus a quick glance. "Move to the front of the bed so we can squeeze through the doors. I'll move to the rear."

Garrus quickly did as Kaidan said, moving from the right side of the stretcher to the front. Jack activated the lock on the door and stepped aside.

"Kick ass in there, Cheerleader," she yelled at Miranda as she passed her by.

Miranda looked at her briefly, her lips twisting up in a smirk as she entered the brightly lit room. Garrus followed quickly after her, the stretcher and Kaidan coming next. Bringing up the rear was Dr. Michel and Liara, and then the door slid shut again, leaving Jack alone outside.

/

Dr. Chakwas had been waiting for them, and the second that they had stepped foot inside the spacious medical bay, she had been beside them, quickly taking control of the situation. Miranda may have brought Shepard back to life and Dr. Michel may have been a brilliant rising doctor, but Chakwas still had them both beat in terms of experience and years on the job.

"Status?" she asked briskly, directing Garrus and Kaidan to the center of the room.

"She's holding up well," Dr. Michel responded, sending data to Chakwas's omnitool. "But I have a feeling that it won't last for long. The vestiges of whatever the Keepers were pumping into her will be gone soon. We need to act now."

"Right. Ms. Lawson?" Chakwas turned her attention on the ex-Cerberus officer next. "Assessment on the Commander's synthetics?"

Miranda brought up her own omnitool. "They were a bit rattled and took some damage, but they will function. We should focus on the damage done to her internal organs."

Chakwas checked the information that Michel had sent her. "It doesn't seem to be nearly as bad as I thought it would be." She smiled grimly, her eyes brimming with admiration. "I can't believe that the Keepers were able to do this. If anyone besides Dr. Michel had told me, I don't think I would have."

"There were ancient markings scrolling through the console they were using," Liara spoke up, stepping back as Garrus and Kaidan maneuvered Shepard's bed into position. "I recognized enough symbols to initiate Shepard's release."

Dr. Chakwas looked at her, her eyebrows raised. "You mean they weren't in any of the translation database's entries?"

Liara shook her head. "No."

Chakwas worried her bottom lip. "Liara," she said after a moment. "I want you to go back to the site and translate everything you can. I want to know if we have any surprises headed our way or if we can expect any adverse effects from the Keeper's treatment."

The asari nodded. "Of course." Excusing herself, she ran to the door and opened it, the last words the group heard before it closed were, "Jack, I'm going to need your help…"

"As for the rest of you," Chakwas peered into the eyes of Garrus and Kaidan. "I need you to leave."

Garrus frowned and opened his mouth to protest, then clamped it shut realizing that there was nothing he could do anymore. He would just be getting in the way from here on out, and it was best if he just stepped aside.

Kaidan gripped Garrus's shoulder. "Give us a call the minute you're done," the biotic said.

Chakwas grinned reassuringly. "Of course, Major. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get to work."

Kaidan bobbed his head. "Right. Garrus…?" He looked expectantly at the turian.

Garrus turned and headed towards the door, Kaidan in tow. This part of the ship was similar to the _Normandy_, and the mess hall was a quick jog away from the med bay. Everything was larger and more spread out on this due to it being more than twice the size of the frigate, but certain elements of the layout—those that were not turian-based at least—were the same.

The trip was made in silence, both men trying to get a handle on their emotions.

"Good god, their kitchen is twice as large as ours," Kaidan whistled appreciatively as they entered the mess area. "Sign me up."

Garrus tried to smile but found that he couldn't.

"Want some eggs and bacon?" the major asked as he began to rummage through the refrigerator. "I make a pretty mean omelet if that's your thing, and I—oh wait." He cringed and looked at Garrus apologetically. "Sorry. Dextro-amino acid based. I forgot."

"It's alright," Garrus managed to say with a bit of false cheerfulness. "I won't tell the Alliance that you tried to poison your acting captain."

Kaidan laughed as he stooped to grab some pots and pans from the bottom cupboard. "I appreciate that. Could look really bad on my record, you know. But seriously…" He stood up, having found the appropriate cookware, and rolled his shoulders. "If you want anything to eat…I've never cooked turian food before, but it can't be that difficult, right?"

Garrus snorted. "Wouldn't know. I've never had much luck myself. But that might just be because I'm more suited to holding a gun than a spatula."

The Spectre adjusted the heat on the stove's burner and placed three bacon strips in the circular pan. "Don't be so hard on yourself Garrus. Cooking is an artform, just like sniping. It takes time to develop."

"I guess I just don't have the patience."

Kaidan chuckled. "Funny. Shepard said the same thing…"

Silence fell over them again, the sizzling of the meat in the frying pan the only sound in the large room. A wall separated them from the med bay, and even if one hadn't, this med bay didn't have windows like the one on the _Normandy_ did.

Even if Garrus had known how to cook, he wouldn't have been able to stomach anything just then. He was too worried. The light banter he had just been exchanging with Kaidan was keeping him from running through every ship on the fleet and calibrating everything that could be calibrated and even the things that couldn't be.

"You were joking when you said you wanted to sign up here, weren't you?" Garrus inquired suddenly, his voice low. "I mean, not that it's any of my business…just curious."

"I…" Kaidan paused, furrowing his brow. "I don't know. Maybe."

Garrus closed his eyes and let out a twisted chortle. "It's funny…back when the war started, all I could think about was defeating the Reapers, but now that it's over, all I can think about is another crisis that will keep us all together."

A delightful aroma began to permeate the air. It was similar to a smell that James Vega had been able to create with his cooking, minus the hint of burning. Kaidan flipped the bacon over, waiting for Garrus to continue as he sensed that he was not done speaking.

"I mean, back when we all split up after the suicide mission, I knew it wasn't over, that there would be more battles to come along with the chance that we would all meet up again," the turian continued after a few minutes. "And that made me happy. But now that everything is over and done with, now that the Reapers are gone and Shepard is found…" he swallowed hard. "Life is going to go back to normal. We'll all go our separate ways. And it makes me feel…empty."

Before Kaidan could respond, the sound of boots against the steel deck echoed throughout the large room. Kaidan looked up from the stove and Garrus shifted so he could see who the new arrival was. Both were hoping it was Miranda or Chakwas come to tell them that the Commander was just fine and would be up and about in no time, chiding them all for worrying about her. Instead, their eyes bulged and their mouths dropped as the very image of Commander Shepard—albeit an older Commander Shepard—stepped into their presence.

"I'm Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard," the Commander lookalike proclaimed. "I've been told that the med bay is off limits to the crew and that if I want information on my daughter, I should talk to you."

Kaidan and Garrus exchanged startled looks. Neither one had ever been introduced to Shepard's mother before, though they heard of her, and they weren't sure what to expect. Had Shepard informed them of the relationships she had shared with both of them…?

The Rear Admiral sighed and rubbed her face, her years showing in the gesture. "Forgive the informality, I just…" She heaved another heavy sigh, her shoulders slouching. "I need to know what the hell is going on."

A sense of duty suddenly filled the turian. This was Shepard's mother. His _girlfriend's_ mother. Acting more confident than he felt at that moment, he stood up and walked over to the worried woman, extending his hand in a greeting.

"I'm Garrus Vakarian, turian expert Reaper advisor, and fifth in line for the Primarch. I'll tell you everything you need to know."

A/N: Sorry for the long wait on this chapter, I've been lacking in motivation. Some major Shakarian feels coming up in the next chapter to make up for the hiatus. Reviews appreciated!


	14. Chapter 14

/14

Her hand was small and fit neatly into his, just like Commander Shepard's did.

Garrus stared at their clasped hands, not really hearing the words that left Hannah Shepard's mouth. He nodded his head in response to something she said, then let go as Kaidan moved in to introduce himself.

Swallowing hard, the turian clenched his now empty hand, eyes misty.

The sights and sounds around him faded into the background, a moment of nostalgia brought on by the simple contact drowning everything else out.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them he was back on Menae, his beloved Commander before him. He smiled at her and she smiled back, the small quirk in her human lips mimicked in the movement of his mandibles.

Bullets were flying, things were exploding, and people were dying. The world—no, the galaxy—was falling apart, every achievement in recorded history on the verge of being erased from existence. Orders were being issued, the screams of the damned surrounded the living, and the cry of the husks was the background music in the grand theatre of war.

It was insanity.

And yet, despite all the chaos, she was there, like some warrior spirit out of turian mythology, the sight of her alone rendering him momentarily speechless.

He could remember the relief that painted her face, the anxiety in her eyes melting away as he walked towards her, sniper rifle in hand. He hadn't been expecting her to be there, yet he had at the same time; he'd heard about Earth, had known that she was there, and then Reapers had attacked Palaven, his _home_…

Everything he held dear was going to hell in a hand basket, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Yet for one glorious instant, it all faded into the background. For one moment, he felt like he could take on thresher maws armed with nothing more than a pistol and a handful of courage, all because of one fleshy Earthling.

He wasn't sure if she still felt the same way, but he knew that he did. He couldn't just forget what they'd shared.

She was been clad in armor, but he could still vividly recall how she had appeared before him that night nearly six months ago, could still feel the smoothness of her skin, could still see the curves that humans found so enticing.

He wanted to kiss her right then and there, but given his uncertainty about her feelings and the situation they were been in, he found it hardly appropriate to summon forth his awkward way of showing her his affection. So he settled for taking her hand in his and lightly applying pressure, a reassuring squeeze to tell her that he was indeed there and not about to let her fight alone.

"…I've heard much about you, Major Alenko."

Hannah Shepard's voice cut into Garrus's recollection. He blinked a few times to clear the fog from his eyes, dragging himself back to the present.

"I hope only the good things, ma'am," Kaidan joked, retreating back to the stove. "May I interest you in something to eat?"

The Rear Admiral shook her head, holding up a hand as she politely declined. "Thank you for the offer Major Alenko, but no. I'm not in the mood to eat."

Kaidan gave her a sympathetic smile. "I understand. And please, call me Kaidan."

"Thank you…Kaidan," she said. She turned to look at Garrus next, running a sharp eye over him. "I've heard a lot about you as well, Garrus Vakarian. Though I didn't know you were so close to inheriting the Primarchy."

Garrus's mandibles flared in embarrassment.

"Uh…"

Pulling out a chair, he offered it to Hannah Shepard. As she settled in, he quickly walked to the other side of the table and took the seat opposite hers, Kaidan's watchful eyes flicking between his meal and the table where the two sat.

"Yes," Garrus said hesitantly, feeling uncomfortable at discussing his rank. He hadn't even told Shepard, desperate as he was to keep from tooting his own horn. "I didn't mean to sound pompous or arrogant. Rank is incredibly important in turian culture and something we exchange along with our names. I apologize if I sounded rude."

Hannah shook her head. "It's alright." She paused, grinning. "You forget; I've been dealing with your kind for as long as you've been alive, probably longer."

"Oh, uh, yes, of course," he stammered. "I didn't mean to imply…"

Hannah barked a short laugh. "I'm no spring chicken! I know that; no need to sugarcoat it for me." Her face went from jovial to serious in less than a second. "But I'm not here to make small talk. You've been standing in for my daughter as commander of the _Normandy_, haven't you?"

"Yes."

Hannah's eyebrows drew together, keen eyes searching his face. "If you felt comfortable enough to take on that responsibility even when a certified Alliance officer was on board, you must have been very familiar with my daughter."

Garrus blinked, not knowing whether she was giving him a compliment or not.

"Shepard—I mean, Commander Shepard—and I…I'd like to think we were—are—close," he said carefully, thankful that he couldn't blush. He was mentally commanding his mandibles to not flare out in the way they did when he was self-conscious.

_Saying we are close is the understatement of the century. I wonder how well the Rear Admiral can read turian body language…_

"Garrus is an excellent commander," Kaidan piped up, turning off the burner. The bacon was sizzling, cooked just the way he liked it. "I don't think anyone on board could have done a better job."

"I wasn't questioning anyone's judgment," Hannah Shepard said. "I…" She struggled for a moment, her brow creasing as she tried to find the right words. "How do I put this? I barely know her anymore. Ever since my daughter entered the N7 training program, I haven't heard or seen much of her. She was so busy she barely contacted me once a month. And then when she became a Spectre…well, I was lucky if I got something from her once every three months. I understand that she is an adult and has responsibilities, but I was—_am_—her mother." She slouched, eyes downcast. "I worry about her and I want to be a part of her life. She can kill and fight and save the galaxy a thousand times over, but that will never change."

_She's looking to reconnect with her daughter through the people that know her best…_ Garrus thought to himself. _And who knows the Commander better than Kaidan and I?_

There was quiet as Hannah struggled to compose herself, seeming to not care that she was pouring her life's story out to complete strangers. The stress of the last year had finally undone her; she could no longer keep her anxieties bottled up inside. She was off duty anyway, a mother now instead of an Alliance Rear Admiral, and mothers were allowed to be sentimental.

"After Saren, she was sent out on that ridiculous assignment, far away from where we could help her, and she died. I spent two years grieving, as did her father, and then she was just back all of a sudden, alive. No hint, no warning, no explanation. Just alive. And then she was on trial for the incident in batarian space, and then the Reapers came…" Hannah stopped again, a look of disbelief crossing her face, eyes wide. "If I hadn't been alive to witness it all, I wouldn't believe so much could have happened to _one_ person."

Garrus dipped his head. "I know. I was there with Shepard from the beginning of the Saren fiasco, and I was there when we fought the human Reaper. Even for me, it all seems fantastic."

Hannah's attention snapped to him, and Garrus was hauntingly reminded of Commander Shepard again.

"That's right, you were there from the start of it all," she murmured. "How could I have forgotten?"

The conversation was put on hold as Kaidan walked over, his plate of bacon in one hand and a cup of water in the other. He took the seat next to Garrus.

"Hope you don't mind me joining you two," he said.

"Of course not," Hannah Shepard replied, looking at Garrus questioningly.

"The more the merrier," he added, and he really did mean it.

"Come to think of it, you were there with Shepard in the beginning too, weren't you?" the Rear Admiral continued, picking up the conversation where it had left off.

"I was," Kaidan admitted, adopting an expression of regret. "I wasn't there with her for the human Reaper though. It was…complicated."

"Don't worry Major Alenko, I understand the situation. My daughter was working for Cerberus. Even _I _was wondering what the hell she was doing with them when I was informed of her activities. Her report to the Alliance made it perfectly clear that she hadn't had a choice, but your response to the situation was completely justified and what I would expect of an Alliance officer. I would have made the same call in your shoes."

"Thank you, ma'am. That means a lot, coming from you."

"How did you know?" Garrus asked, interjecting. "About me being there from the beginning, I mean."

Hannah gave him a small smile. "Through the news, mostly. It's not every day that the first human Spectre assembles a mixed species crew to take down a rogue turian Spectre working with the geth. Also, it's not every day that the first human Spectre comes back from the dead and assembles a crew of the galaxy's finest for a terrorist organization." The last part was said in a flat tone, and Garrus could plainly see that Hannah was less than thrilled at recalling her daughter's temporary career with Cerberus.

"You said you 'mostly' heard about who was involved in the missions through the news," Kaidan pressed after swallowing a piece of bacon. He reached for his glass of water, chasing the meat down his throat with the cool liquid. "Did the Alliance fill you in on all of the _Normandy's _activities?"

Hannah shook her head, letting out a small laugh as she clasped her hands together, resting them on the table. "No, they didn't. I may be my daughter's mother, but even I'm not privy to everything she does, nor should I be. Whatever else I heard came directly from her, on the rare occasions when she would message me."

Garrus and Kaidan quickly shared a look, one that did not go completely unnoticed by the Rear Admiral. She hid her amusement well though, and neither biotic nor calibrator caught on.

"I see," Garrus said, barely able to keep his mandibles from trembling.

"Your daughter was—is—an excellent Commander," Kaidan said. "It was an honor serving under her, and I look forward to serving under her again when she's fully recovered."

Hannah Shepard gave him a grim look. "Thank you for saying that, Kaidan. I'm glad to know that my daughter has such wonderful people like you and Garrus Vakarian looking out for her." Her eyes drifted down to her entwined hands. "She always did know how to make friends."

Silence filled the room for a few minutes as each contemplated the impact Shepard had had on their lives, and they on hers.

"Tell me…" Hannah finally spoke up. "Do you think she'll really make a full recovery…?" She glanced at both of their faces, hope and despair battling for supremacy in her eyes.

"She will," Garrus boasted confidently, actually feeling the emotion for the first time since the conversation had begun. "She's Shepard."

Kaidan grunted in agreement, nodding his head.

It was a simple statement, but a true one.

"I'm not sure how much you know about what went on during our missions together," Garrus continued calmly, even though his heart was threatening to beat its way of its chest. "But if there is one thing I've learned, it's that Shepard doesn't half-ass anything. She's a fighter. She's come this far and she damn sure isn't going to die on us now."

"Thank you, Garrus Vakarian," Hannah said softly, her hands coming apart to rest upon one of his in an appreciative gesture. "I believe that you are right. And now, I must get back to my duties. Admiral Hackett has given me time off, but there is nothing left for me to do. I have what I need, thanks to the two of you."

She moved to stand, Garrus and Kaidan following suit.

The Alliance officer personality was falling back into place, Hannah's personal worries and feelings locked away. Her movements were becoming crisp and determined, the lackluster and weariness she'd borne upon arrival slowly vanishing.

"It was our pleasure, ma'am," Kaidan said, shaking her hand. "And it was an honor to meet you."

"I had imagined meeting you both under better circumstances, but I'm happy to finally be able to put faces to names," she said, moving to take Garrus's hand next. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you both again soon."

"I look forward to it," Garrus said earnestly. "And I hope that we'll have the pleasure of meeting Vice Admiral Shepard as well."

Hannah looked at him, startled, and Garrus worried that he'd offended her. Had she and her husband separated?

"You haven't heard, have you?" she asked numbly.

"Heard what, ma'am?" Kaidan queried, brow creasing in confusion.

"My husband is missing."

/

He really should call his father and check up on his family. They were going to be irate with him, filled with relief that he was alive, but angry that he hadn't contacted them sooner. But he was just so damn tired…

Garrus turned on his side, mulling over the day's events.

Sleep wouldn't be coming to him easy, if at all. There was too much to do, so much to repair. Getting back to the rest of the fleet had just been the start of their troubles; being stranded on an alien planet was like a walk in the park compared to the hurdles they now faced.

Chakwas, Miranda, and Dr. Michel had completed surgery on Shepard, replacing her cybernetics and stitching together whatever wasn't right. So far the Commander was reacting well to their treatment, but no one was certain how long that would last, so the three women had taken to sleeping in shifts, one always awake with an eye on her.

Liara was still sifting through all the data she had collected from the Keeper's machine, translating the text as fast as she could. Javik had joined her, much to everyone's surprise, admitting that even if he wasn't a scholar he could perhaps recognize some symbols and help with the decoding. The prothean had grown quite attached to the asari, and his respect for Shepard had skyrocketed since she had helped avenge his people by destroying the Reapers once and for all.

Tali was busy with quarian matters and had left for a quarian ship with the promise that she'd return as soon as possible. Wrex was busy keeping the krogans in line, though Grunt was trying his best to get aboard a shuttle headed for Hackett's ship. Shepard was his mother after all.

James, not one to sit around and wait, had volunteered to be part of a cleanup crew and was departing for Earth in the morning. No one was saying anything, but everyone knew that he was hoping to catch a sign of his father or uncle.

Samantha was busy helping sort through and prioritize messages, putting the skills that had served her aboard the _Normandy _to good use. Steve, like James, had volunteered to help with the effort on Earth and was to be a rescue shuttle pilot.

Jack was busy taking care of her kids, Garrus had seen Zaeed sitting in the lounge on Hackett's ship—how he'd gotten aboard, Garrus didn't know—knocking back a few drinks, and Kasumi had left him a cryptic message saying that she would be stopping by Shep's room when she was ready for visitors. Where the thief actually was nobody knew, though Garrus had a suspicion that she was not far away from wherever James was.

Last but not least, Joker had sealed himself away in his temporary quarters. With his condition, he couldn't do any heavy lifting and he wasn't in the mood to put a cheery spin on things. Nobody could fault him; his ship was barely in one piece, Shepard's future was still uncertain, and his girlfriend was dead.

The only people that Garrus hadn't heard from yet were Samara and Jacob, and he could only pray that they were still alive.

Sighing, Garrus flipped himself over again, this time staring at the wall of his cabin.

He missed his setup on the _Normandy_. His cot had been small and uncomfortable, but it had been his and he would miss waking up to the sight of a giant gun. He had gotten used to the hum of the ship, and while Hackett's vessel also had its own sounds, it wasn't the same.

Primarch Victus had gotten ahold of him shortly after the conversation with Rear Admiral Shepard, and for the past nine and a half hours Garrus had been delegating, negotiating, and doing everything else that came with his rank.

He'd been designated the official turian liaison to the Alliance, and been working closely with Admiral Hackett and Shepard's mother. The uneasiness he'd felt from their earlier conversation was gone, replaced with a sense of duty. They were professionals at work with countless lives resting on their shoulders; there wasn't time for any distractions.

Needless to say, Garrus was exhausted, his brain and body overworked but unable to shut down.

Letting out a breath, he sat up and swung his feet over the edge of the bed, bending forward so his elbows rested on his knees.

He briefly considered calling up Kaidan to see if he was up for a game of that "poker" he was always going on about, but decided against it. Kaidan had been just as busy as him and was probably sleeping.

_I guess there's only one thing I can do._

Standing up, Garrus headed for the door.

/

Kaidan, much to Garrus's surprise, was not asleep.

The turian hovered just outside the med bay's observation windows, the thick class muffling the discussion taking place in the room.

Miranda was sitting at one of the med bay's desks, datapads scattered about it in a haphazard manner. Kaidan had pulled up a chair next to her, sitting in it backwards, arms crossed. There was an easy smile on his face, his posture relaxed. The lines in his face weren't as defined, the weight of the past few years a mere dream as he kicked back and chatted the lovely Lawson up.

Miranda must have said something the biotic Spectre found particularly funny, because his mouth opened wide in a laugh, Miranda's hands moving as she illustrated some point.

Two steaming cups of coffee rested near the edge of the desk, meaning that Kaidan hadn't been in there for that long.

Garrus watched the two awhile longer, fascinated by this interaction between the two humans. From the vids he'd watched, and based on the gestures and facial expressions of Kaidan, he guessed that they were in the early stages of human courtship.

In retrospect, he'd seen such actions displayed millions of times during his tenure as a C-Sec officer on the Citadel, but he'd never paid attention to it before. The little lips twitches, raising of eyebrows, narrowing of eyes, the colors that painted the cheeks…humans were incredibly expressive.

His striking blue eyes drifted from the two biotics back to where Commander Shepard rested on one of the beds. Her vital signs were good and strong, and from his vantage point he could see no signs of distress on her face that would indicate she was having a restless slumber.

Her body's scars had mostly healed up thanks to Miranda's "improvements", and only a few bandages remained.

He lowered his head, his mandibles twitching impatiently on the sides of his face.

He wanted to see the expressions that he saw on Kaidan's face on hers again. He wanted to see her smiling, scowling, laughing. He wanted her cheeks to heat up in that petite little flush, he wanted her eyes to spark in mischief.

He wasn't kidding her when he'd said that he didn't have a fetish for humans, and he still didn't, but Shepard wasn't human. Well, she was but she wasn't. She was special.

In his time with her he'd come to appreciate what others had deemed as flaws in the human race, and in truth, deep down everyone was a lot more alike than they cared to admit. Just because the outside appearance was different didn't mean that there wasn't a being with thoughts, hopes, and dreams inside.

There was movement from inside the room, and Garrus looked up in time to see Kaidan scoot closer to Miranda, a deck of cards in his hand. Miranda shook her head and Kaidan pointed at the deck, saying something that Garrus couldn't hear.

Miranda tossed some hair behind her shoulder and Kaidan began to shuffle the deck.

Garrus's mind began to drift as he watched the pair, the heartwarming scene before him stirring up fond memories of his own.

He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he was with Shepard on top of the Citadel, doing that one thing he'd always wanted to do before he died that also happened to break 137 regulations. If it hadn't been for her, he'd have never had the guts to make it up there.

He stepped out of the skycar, Shepard following him. They were doing something fun for a change, just for the hell of it. No Reapers, no rogue Spectres, no C-Sec. Just them being stupid and living a little.

He walked over to the rim and paused, enjoying the scenery. Shepard's footsteps were close behind, and he glanced to his right as she stood beside him, the skycar's roof closing.

"It's incredible," she breathed, taken by the view.

The blues and greens of the plants and pockets of water, not to mention the majesty of the buildings stretching into the artificial sky, were indeed incredible. The wind danced around them, ruffling her hair. Skycars passed by beneath their feet, oblivious to the lawbreakers.

_It's incredible, but not as incredible as you_.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope it would inspire a certain…mood," Garrus said out loud, trying to sound seductive and confident at the same time. Inside, he was as terrified as a pyjak being hunted by a crazed krogan with a shotgun.

Shepard tore her gaze away from the view and gave him one of those little looks of hers, a look that said she knew he was up to something and that she also knew that he was seconds away from breaking out in senseless ramblings, throwing in the word "calibration" more times than it should be used in a single sentence.

"Something on your mind?" she asked, her voice light and airy with a touch of mischief. Her eyebrows were drawn together, the muscles in her face fighting a grin.

"It seemed like you needed time to…figure us out," he blundered on ahead, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. He took a step forward, his eyes locking onto hers. "Are you ready to be a one-turian kind of woman?" He prayed to the Spirits that he didn't sound too pathetic or too hopeful.

"The only thing that made leaving Earth bearable was knowing you were out there somewhere," she admitted quietly, barely able to be heard above the hustle and bustle of the world below.

"I felt the same way. The worst part about the galaxy going to hell would've been never getting to see you again."

"Well, here I am. Exactly where I want to be," she said lowly, closing the gap between them. Her hands came up to rest on his armor, eyes filled with sincerity and love. "I love you, Garrus Vakarian."

Garrus's mandibles moved rapidly, floored by her confession. He loved her too, loved her more than anything he'd ever loved before, but to think that she—Commander Shepard!—had actually fallen in love with him too…the odds were astronomical. Something in his life had finally gone right.

"Wow. The vids Joker gave me…" He scratched his brow, suddenly feeling silly. "…well, they never got this far. There was the part about sleeping together, but this…"

Shepard silenced him, standing up on her tiptoes to give him a sweet kiss.

"Who needs a vid when you've got me?" she teased.

Grinning devilishly, he swept her up in his arms and dipped her, mandibles flaring in excitement as his heart swelled with joy. He did his best to reciprocate the human gesture she was so fond of, touching his plates to her soft human lips.

Neither one had said, "Will you marry me?", but they both knew that this was their version of a proposal. Nothing mushy or overly sentimental, just something entirely real and entirely them.

Garrus allowed the memory to fade after that, and he opened his eyes.

In the months that had gone by since that day, he'd nearly forgotten that they were engaged. He hadn't let himself think about it while the crew had been stranded, because the thought of the one thing that had gone right in his life dying before it had even truly blossomed would have crushed him.

Now that he knew that Shepard was safe and going to survive, they would have to talk of a wedding at some point.

_I think I'd rather fight a dozen Reapers than plan a wedding, _he thought bleakly. _There are so many things I still don't know about humans yet, not to mention there is the issue of our relatives…_

He grimaced.

His father wasn't going to happy, that was for sure. Marriage between turians was largely based on military merit, and even though Shepard had garnered a bunch of it by defeating the Reapers, she was still a human and turians and humans had been at each other's throats only a few decades ago.

The soft click of boots on the steel floor grabbed his attention, and he looked to the left. Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard was walking towards him, an unreadable expression in her eyes. Her body was tense, hands clasped behind her back as she moved stiffly towards him.

"Rear Admiral!" he said, brow moving up in surprise. "I, uh, didn't think you'd be up this late."

She grunted. "I find sleep impossible, as I'm sure you do."

Garrus watched her as she strode up beside him, turning her body so that she faced the observation windows. Her expression softened marginally as her gaze roamed over the occupants of the room.

"Ah. Young love. It is a precious thing, is it not?"

Garrus looked at Kaidan and Miranda, both still unaware that they were being observed. They didn't _look_ like they were in love, though they were appearing to enjoy each other's company quite a bit. But who was he to judge human behavior?

"I wasn't talking about Major Alenko and Ms. Lawson," Hannah Shepard said as if reading his mind.

Blinking, Garrus gave her a sideways glance. "I'm not sure I—"

"Don't play games with me, Garrus Vakarian," Hannah cut him off, closing her eyes and rubbing them tiredly. "I know quite well that you have feelings for—"

Garrus never heard what she said, as at that moment a shrill scream drowned out Hannah's words.


End file.
